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Posts Tagged ‘balls of steel’

As a Duke’s First Access Club (oooooh) member, I have… uh… First Access to… uh… Duke’s Club.

Yeah.  That’s it.

Which means (drumroll please)…

I am literally seconds away from playing the demo, which I, a Duke’s First Access Club Member, have First Access to.

My balls are clanking together in excitement.  It’s almost been… forever.

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Update:  Wow.  I went to kick ass and chew bubble gum.  And I was indeed all out of gum.

It was horribly OTT macho, misogynistic, juvenile, and non-stop… and quite fun.

The demo did feel a little bit like being dropped into Alice in Wonderland, where Alice wore naughty schoolgirl outfits, and where Alice (Both of them, twins… who was who?  Who cares?) does naughty things, you take a leak into a real live urinal in a POV experience that Cruel Wife probably could never really understand (or any chick for that matter), and a bit like Rowdy Roddy Piper on a double-dose of ‘roids and really short on bubble gum.  But that’s what the cigar is for, right?

Finale after beating the Boss?  Drop kick his cyclops eye down the football field and between the goalposts.  Sweet.

The pre-game sequences were pretty good.  One subtle but not-so-subtle clip was where he blows off the bad guy’s head, drops trou, whips out a newspaper, and sits on the alien’s neck to take a dump.  Very classy and enough to make me laugh so hard I thought I was going to black out.

Yes, I’m a fan-boy.  But I got Balls of Steel, so there.

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No, I don’t mean the movie, although it was a great flick.

Instead I am referring to the results of the wonderful propaganda campaign arguments given by concerned readers to estrogen tyrant Cruel Wife in an attempt to give me my very own copy of Duke Nukem: Balls of Steel collector’s edition.   I’m on a misogynist scatological juvenile wet-dream Duke Nukem high.

Yes, it is $35 more.  But a BUST OF THE DUKE, man!   CW said “What comes with BoSE that you want so much?”

I was horribly frustrated.  Are we so out of sync that she couldn’t see the obvious?

I wrote:

What do I want so much??? Did you look at the picture?  Did you listen when I described what came with it?  (I was frothy by now)
It’s got a bust of Duke!  It has Duke Nukem dice!  It has radioactivity bumper stickers!  A collector’s comic book!  Duke Nukem poker chips!  Duke Nukem postcards!  Duke Nukem art book!  It even has it’s own serialized Proof of Duke Nukem Officialness certificate!

She didn’t understand it, but she relented agreed to it this evening.

This is a triumph.  I’m making a note here: Huge Success.  It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.  At LemurKing’sFolly, we do what we must, because we can.

ID10T Killer at work is getting one, too, so it only makes sense that I should be allowed to more fully share common experiences with co-workers/friends, right?  Delivery on June 14, of 2011.

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Man says he is robbed by woman with “real big thighs”.  God what a storytelling.

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Honest truth?  We should all be allowed to go in a cool way like this – saving the life of someone that means everything to us.  Good on you, Don Lansaw.  And so sorry for your loss, Bethany Lansaw.   Your fella was a true hero, one you can be proud of.

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More later.

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