Posts Tagged ‘barf’

Got a call from the sitter today.  My daughter had issues at both ends – projectile from one led to explosive reaction at the other.  That is as delicately as I can put it.

Cruel Wife was leaving work at that time anyway and said “Work the extra you need to work and then come home, I’ll deal with it.”

I came in the door and gagged.

Franken-Boy was playing on the Wii, oblivious.  Cruel Wife was in the laundry.  I gagged some more.

CW came up and saw my stomach was rolling and said “Go on, get out of here.”

I leaped at the chance to go to the local CVS to get Ritz™ crackers and some Sprite™ because they just plain stay down easier.  And I figured Girlhead might have an easier time of it, too.

Guess what?  I came back in the door and was exposed to it all over again.

That time I made it to the bathroom as the nausea swelled, but… nope.  Nothing.

I have a really sensitive nose – I’m the canary in the coal mine.  Years ago I went down the street to a buddy’s store and said “Dude, did something burn up today?”


“Well, I’m smelling something hot.”

“Can’t smell a thing.”

“Well, I’m telling you something is not right.”

“Nope.  Nothing.”

The next day I came in and he said “Dude, we had a fire last night.  Lucky the place did not burn down.”  He then led me to the spot where a cord to one of the coolers had failed and resulted in a big black section of wall.

As I tell CW, “The nose knows.”

The smell is not getting better.  I’m not getting used to it.

So the question I have is this:

In general, are all men wussier than women when it comes to smells, or are men just by nature given more sensitive schnozzes, or am I a total wimp?

I’m pretty sure I’m a wimp, but I’m curious about the thoughts on the other parts of the question.

I do work with this one machine shop all the time and have for the last 12 years or so.

So today my buddy Steel Nerves stopped by. He said a friend’s boy is autistic, too (like mine, but worse, as you’ll see). His buddy asked his son to go to the fridge and get a beer. The kid went and got it and just stood there in front of his dad as you can imagine a totally literal autistic kid would.

So the Dad says, “Don’t just stand there, throw that beer over here.”

Now, if you are the parent of an autistic kid you will understand exactly what I mean when I said my warning bells started to ring shrilly. I said “Oh, no, Steel Nerves… tell me he didn’t…”

Steel Nerves nods and says “Yup, kid hauls off and chucks that bottle as hard as he can and it hits his dad square in the center of the forehead – CRACK! He came around to tell me about it, sporting a HUGE lump dead-center of the forehead – black and blue, mostly black.”

I said “SHEEEIT, Steel Nerves! How old is the boy?”

“Sixteen. Knocked his Dad right the **** out,” and nods matter of factly.

Can you imagine how hard a sixteen year old could hurl a beer bottle at your forehead? Damn.

Read Full Post »

Cat-ass-trophe? Perhaps not.

Please note, due to the HUGE number of spams your comments may or may not get caught at times.  It’s been awful lately.  It’s not personal, trust me…


I took my cat, Jack-Jack, to the vet yesterday.  He’d been vomiting for 24 hours plus change.  Started out horking up food then progressing to frothy stuff.

So they took some blood.  Then they took an x-ray.  Then they injected this ****load of electrolyte solution into the loose-skin area between his shoulderblades and neck to the point that he looked like the Hunchcat of Notre-Dame.  But it did give him some pep.

I haven’t seen any more barf and he’s actually eating something.

The part that isn’t so cheery is that they saw a thickening of the intestine which they attributed to inflammation. “Inflammation” seems to be what they say when they don’t really know for sure, suspect something not-good, and don’t want to wig the pet owner out.

I’ve been trying to reach the vet all day and for multiple hours he was operating on a pet – a tail-tuck or teat-enhancement or something.   Perhaps nose surgery on a Himalayan.

Soooooo, it’s either a result of eating plastic bags (he’s a real connoisseur) or something Distressingly More Serious.

I’m not worried about Jack though.  He’s just a cat after all and I have absolutely no attachment whatsoever to him or his sister.  At all.  None.  Nope.  Cats are cheap – they’ll be putting them in cereal boxes next.  Why would I care about a furball?

Update:  Jack-Jack had a good blood test – a bit dehydrated but you get that when you can’t keep anything down.  Kidneys, liver, tail, all seem good.  A bit of gas but unlocalized when the doc checked him last night so blockage doesn’t seem likely.  They said to give him some canned food, maybe with a little canned pumpkin mixed in for fiber and he’d be good.  Gastroenteritis (aka tummy irritation but it sounds all official-ey, don’t it?) without a source.  Unless it returns, give him a swat on the butt and let him mingle.

Total cost?  $200 to find out he had an upset tummy.


Americans are losing faith that the economy will keep improving, according to a monthly survey.

When did we have faith in our economy to begin with, exactly?  Pretty stupid concept that Americans could have economical faith in the past few years (which the author doesn’t believe for a second).  Losing faith?  Oh, my faith was gone years ago because I’m bitterly cynical.

As megablogger Glenn Reynolds, aka Instapundit, has noted with amusement, the word “unexpectedly” or variants thereon keep cropping up in mainstream media stories about the economy.

“New U.S. claims for unemployment benefits unexpectedly climbed,” reported CNBC.com May 25.

“Personal consumption fell,” Business Insider reported the same day, “when it was expected to rise.”

“Durable goods declined 3.6 percent last month,” Reuters reported May 25, “worse than economists’ expectations.”

“Previously owned home sales unexpectedly fall,” headlined Bloomberg News May 19.

“U.S. home construction fell unexpectedly in April,” wrote the Wall Street Journal May 18.

Those examples are all from the last two weeks.


Those of us “on the ground” so to speak – aka “us little people, financially” – we did not really need a “Economic Surprise Index” to know that something is terribly terribly wrong.  Politicians, the media, and the Wall Street folks that got bailed out don’t seem to have much common sense, as we established above.


Yes, I’m on a rant about vaccinations again.  It’s a hot-button issue!  Feel free to debate the topic but if you flame me and treat me like dirt I’ll blacklist you from this blog so quickly you’ll barf up your toenails.

Amazingly, there is still debate over the notion that vaccines cause autism even in the aftermath of Scientist O’ FAIL Dr. Andrew Wakefield who faked so very much and is paying the price today even as do the children of misguided but well-meaning parents.

There are two autistic kids in my family – one is my son the other is my sister’s son.

Sister is convinced vaccines do it.  I don’t harbor even the tiniest suspicion that they do.  I think genetics is the single biggest determinant.   Skyrocketing incidence of autism?  Chalk that up to over/mis-diagnosis and previous un-diagnosis of actual cases.

Note:  Oooooh!  There is a new scary thing in town!  “Fever during pregnancy, diabetes and obesity may raise autism risk.”   Well, since the old scary thing was shot down we need a new scary thing to keep interest up and funding fluid.

Here’s a suspicion of mine – that “autism” has become more of a bogeyman for our culture of intolerance of what we perceive as behavioral issues – and that “skyrocketing” rates reflect a desire to blame behavior on a condition rather than address the behavior or possibly harm a child’s wickedly fragile self-esteem.  My daughter has shown some behavioral issues which we’re still working on ferreting out but after I asked her teacher to “cut the bullshit and tell me what you think”, she whispered to me in conspiratorial tones that my daughter falls on the autistic spectrum disorder.  She’s also one of those teachers that feels she knows more than any parent could possibly fathom and only barely conceals it.  Not surprisingly my hackles go up when I’m even near the woman.

Now, let me be perfectly clear: My ego isn’t involved here.  I say without a lick of shame that my son is autistic – it is mild but it is there and it is as real as the day is long.  But my daughter doesn’t exhibit a single one of the classical signs of it.  She has no problem making eye contact or communicating, is a very outwardly loving and compassionate little girl, does not respond atypically to physical stimuli, and isn’t obsessive any more than the wife or I am (let’s not delve too deeply there, ok?).   Behavioral issues?  Gosh, yes – of course there are.  Show me a kid whose parent claims their kid doesn’t have behavioral issues and I’ll show you a parent that screams about “no coat hangers” on a regular basis, and immediately after that I’ll show you a kid with more cracks in their psyche than a Michigan highway.

Anyway, the scare about vaccinations and autism is beyond ridiculous.  It is causing parents to avoid getting vaccines for their kids that puts them at risk for things that are well-established:  Diseases.  The danger in not vaccinating is much higher.

In the case of clear evidence that vaccinations save lives I have little issue with requiring simple prophylactic medicine.

If my child is unvaccinated and all these other children are vaccinated, How does my child pose any threat?’ responded Workman. ‘This is my child and it’s a right I should have.

In part she is right – there’s a grey area in terms of your freedom but then again we also have traffic laws, seat belt laws, and helmet laws… so go argue about it in court.

In 1999, Madison’s older sister developed autism just months after receiving her state-required immunizations for measles, mumps and rubella.

“Right after she received her childhood vaccines…her verbal…her potty training…everything had stopped,” she said.

She didn’t describe anything other than common beyond-a-doubt autism progression.

She’s ignorant of the realities of vaccination.  There are a few things wrong with the popular understanding of “herd immunity”.  Depending upon the communicability of the disease, the number of vaccinated individuals may need to be quite high to keep the disease under control and keep making strides towards actual eradication.   Smallpox eradication happened because they made a push to get darned near everyone innoculated.

It is not unreasonable to ask that easily communicable diseases be prevented from spreading.  When you are sick and still as-yet asymptomatic as is often the case before you are full-blown sick,  you are a contagious walking virus-factory – in some cases highly so.  People who don’t respond to vaccines, are allergic to them, or are immune-compromised would appreciate it if you’d do your part.

Vaccines do not grant you ironclad immunity to diseasethey aren’t silver bullets even though they work most of the time (85% or better).  They give your body the chance to be pro-active with pathogens.  You may still get the disease and have drastically reduced symptoms (generally because something has weakened your immune system).  You may still get the full-blown disease or a variant of it.  You may not even get sick at all.

Then again you have people who love a good conspiracy story…


Here’s the webpage’s author’s remarks:

Louis Pasteur’s germ theory is flawed.  It is not true that germs make us sick.  Germs change their function depending upon the kind of tissue they live in.  If our tissues are full of toxins, dead and decaying cells, and are in general not well nourished with vitamins and minerals, the germs will feed on this diseased tissue.  If we take good care of ourselves, make sure we have good nutrition, and regularly cleanse our bodies inside and out, especially the intestinal tract, the germs perform a maintenance and restoration function, helping keep our bodies healthy.  Germs cannot hurt you if you keep your immune system in top shape.

Amazing.  “Germs cannot hurt you if you keep your immune system in top shape.”  See the logic that requires not a shred of proof?  If you do get sick then it must follow that your immune system was not kept in top shape.

Most of these diseases, if contracted today, rarely if ever cause death, and are easily dealt with using antibiotics. They are not the threat that they were in the previous centuries, because our standard of living is better.  We know about food spoilage and clean toileting habits, which caused the majority of disease outbreaks in the past.  Personally, I would rather that my children contract measles, mumps, chicken pox, and all the others so that they develop an active immunity.  However, my children have very strong immune systems, and even though they have been exposed to children infected with these diseases, my children have never contracted any infectious disease.   There are ways to build up your immune system so that you are not susceptible to infections.

“Most of the diseases if contracted today rarely if ever cause death” is utter horseshit.  The VAST majority of people have immunizations and have no difficulties whatsoever – the number of complications from a vaccine are outweighed by several orders of magnitude by the dangers of the diseases they help prevent.


Pneumonia: 6 in 100
Encephalitis: 1 in 1,000
Death: 2 in 1,000

Congenital Rubella Syndrome: 1 in 4 (if woman becomes infected early in pregnancy)


Encephalitis or severe allergic reaction:
1 in 1,000,000


Death: 1 in 20

Death: 2 in 10

Pneumonia: 1 in 8
Encephalitis: 1 in 20
Death: 1 in 1,500


Continuous crying, then full recovery: 1 in 1000
Convulsions or shock, then full recovery: 1 in 14,000
Acute encephalopathy: 0-10.5 in 1,000,000
Death: None proven

source:  http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/6mishome.htm

Viruses, which account for most immunizations, aren’t affected in the least by antibiotics.  I’d like to also add that antibiotics are getting so over-used we ought to be using every other possible resource first.  The “standard of living” argument does have a bit of truth to it and we do know much more about cleanliness habits.  Those habits will not protect you from a virulent contagion, however, and if it were true chickenpox would have been reduced by hygiene and not vaccinations.

I would rather that my children contract measles, mumps, chicken pox, and all the others so that they develop an active immunity.

Vaccines give you an active immunity or they wouldn’t work at all.

Read Full Post »

Sorry folks… out for today, perhaps tomorrow.  Food poisoning, rotovirus, or I’ve been poisoned by Cruel Wife for my many millions – all possible reasons, I guess.

Except I don’t have millions.  If that’s the cause it must mean she just hates me.  Not unreasonable…

So, before my intestines explode, I’m going to sign off, drink some mylanta, chew on some tums, eat a handful of pepcid, chug some pink bismuth, and sacrifice a rooster or a bunny or something to appease the Urp Gods.

Maybe tomorrow.

Read Full Post »


Today you get a puppy update. Pupdate, get it? Yeah, I knew you had.

Let us start off with a bang…

GirlHead and Pup - Privacy Preserved

The pup did experience massive barfage on the ride home.  I expected that it could happen.  Hot pup, excitement, and car motion.  Man, that’s about as risky as vodka and peach schnapps with a sorority girl.  Not quite.  but getting there.  At least in this case we weren’t talking about a liquid panty-peeler (and the pup has a 30 IQ point lead).

In case you wondered, Zöe is pronounced ZOH-ee  (the J and X are silent letters).  The wife always pictures the sheriff’s blonde daughter in Eureka and I picture the kick-butt black gal in Firefly (no one could carry that part off as well as she did and look great doing it).

An attentive reader (Weasel, she pities me) noted:

Decided to stick with a Z theme, did you?

Well yes, Weas, I did go with the Z name even though we dropped Zola.  Why stick with the “Z” theme?  I don’t know.  I was throwing out names as the pup was throwing up and the wife threw some out and I heard Zöe and said “Hey.  I like that.  It’s cute, it’s tough, it’s easy to say in a bad neighborhood… Yeah, Zöe… and add the SpeedMetal Ümläüts™ over the “o” and yeah, it (sort of) satisfies my original desire for a german name… no, not really, but… oh hell.  We’ve reached a truce, me and the wife.  We spell it Z-O-E instead of Z-O-E-Y, but she insists on leaving out the Ümläüts™.  Fine, but I’m still going to use the Ümläüts™ because I like ’em, so THERE.

Too Tired to Eat

Too Tired to Eat

Last night her crate was next to me (Zöe’s crate, not the wife’s) – I sleep on the couch on account of my neck – and she did whine quite a bit.  My answer was to dangle my hand down next to it so she could smell me and then fall asleep.  Neither of us got loads of sleep last night.  Which is why I kicked back the recliner today, draped a blanket across me, and laid her out on my chest full-length.  Just a few minutes later and we both passed out.

Strangely, or not so strangely I guess, when we both woke up she had a much different outlook.  It was like her little “Trust Him” switch got thrown and she started relaxing around the whole family in a big way.  In no time at all she, Cruel Wife, and both Lemurlets were all chasing each other around the yard.  She’s investigating the house and scoping out all the wonderful things to chew on.

Here I’d like to point something out… She has not piddled or pooped in the house once.  When I let her out and say “Go do your stuff” she runs to the back corner of the yard where I first encouraged her to “go”, and for her other tricks, 50% of the time she sits when told to and likewise for coming when I call.  Not bad for one day.  It is so weird.  Awesome, but weird.  Granted, I take her out every 30 minutes to an hour, and I praise the dogsh*t out of her every time she so much as sprinkles the grass, and she goes out after each meal or large water drinkage.  She will have accidents and she will also be a handful, but I’m encouraged by the start.

You’d think I was committed to training her or something.  I am I am I am SO committed to raising this pup to be a credit to her breed.  She’s very intelligent and very affectionate, even at 8-1/2 weeks.  It is the wife’s hope (and mine too) to possibly enlist her help to visit kids and the elderly in the hospital/nursing-home environment.   So far she has the right temperament.

Someone... play with me... or I eat the carpet.

Currently she is wide awake and begging to be played with… more later…

… and I still have to work tonight.  Oh boy.

And she just barked her first bark.  Uh oh.


And for the bad joke of the day… sent by a friend of my dad’s – bad bad bad (yuk yuk):

Hey everyone,

I have 4 extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel daredevil event in Philadelphia next weekend if anybody wants them.  As you know, Robbie Knievel followed in his dad’s footsteps and is one of the greatest daredevil jumpers of our time.

At this event, he’s going to try to jump over 5000 Obama supporters with a bull dozer.

Please let me know by Friday…..

Read Full Post »

And the Pup’s Name is…

… is going to come out in it’s own good time.  In a few minutes.  Indulge me.

We left here at 8am.  Cruising singlemindedly down I-96 to 696, up 75, and through 300 miles of red lights and annoying traffic, we finally arrived at the farm.

The farm was laid out as hospitals and churches can be laid out – with no part appearing to the untrained eye as if they are related in any way.  So we looked around while the kids did this electron orbital cloud thing about us, never ceasing, never pinned down.

I had some sort of stomach thing going on from some chinese food I ate last night so I begged off to use the bathroom before going to see the mother dog and our puppy.  From my side of the 700 year old dual bathroom’s thin walls I could hear Cruel Wife shriek “No nononono-NO!  YOU NEVER PUT YOUR HAND IN THE TOILET!  YUCKY!”

Ah, so the boy had followed the wife into the latrine.  Heh heh heh.

Anyway, sometime later after I had waited an appropriate interval, we all trouped on down to the office where they had the dogs.  There was some loud industrial crushing equipment or ore pulverizer machines going in the back room so I had trouble catching much of what was said.  It would have been better had I just put in totally sound-deadening earplugs because even though I have moderately bad hearing loss, the recruitment issues mean that loud noises actually hurt me WORSE than people with normal hearing.  Yeah, go figure.

I nod encouragingly every so often even though for all I know she is telling me about her gender reassignment surgery and her induction into the Church of Rooster Worship.  She seemed satisfied so I didn’t want to upset the boat.  Then the pup was brought out (previously known as Zola).  I held her and within minutes was completely smitten with her and pretty much wouldn’t share her with anyone.  It was bad.  Cruel Wife knew I wanted a dog but she had no idea the magnitude of my yearning for a dog.  First 20 years of my life there was pretty much a dog around all the time.

So Zola comes out and is shivering and panting and more than a bit sweaty.  She’d lost a lot of litter-mates in the last few days and was pretty wigged.

We signed a sheaf of papers that would make a mortgage lender blanch and got her registration papers and health paperwork and pretty much got a swat on the butt and sent on our way.  We got complimentary donuts and cider but I wasn’t having any of it.  I sat on the grass with my dog.  I kept saying it to myself, and it was pathetic:  “My dog.  MY dog.  My DOG.  MY DOG.  mY dOG. … ”  Well, you get the idea.

30 years later the kids and the wife finish their goodies and time kicks into it’s normal pace again.  Powdered sugar hangs in the air and crumbs tumble to the grass in slow motion, and the kids have these glassy stares and smoky expressions.  The wife, having completed her maternal duties of feeding the offspring – hungry or not – is satisfied and we leave.

We get in the SUV (doing my part to help terrorism, apparently) and start down the road.  Five miles down the road, I notice that she is frothing at the mouth a bit and suddenly horks up a HUGE wad of puppy chow.  I remember thinking that she must’ve gotten the same chinese carry-out that I did.   So this wad of wet puppy chow boils over my flannel shirt on my right arm, onto the arm rest of the door, into the door latch mechanism, and makes this sickening plop on the floor.

Crickets did not chirp, they barfed in sympathy.  Me, I held my own.

Well at least we got that out of the way!  Not unexpected, and  I console her and tell her it’s all right and that she couldn’t help it.

Just as I got all settled in again she started stiffening up and straightening out then leaning forward and blew approximately the same amount of chunks onto my wife’s flannel shirt (I was prepared this time).  It cascaded over the shirt and ran onto the floor.

Crickets heaved weakly.  Me, I held my own.

Oh, it’s ok, pup.  You can’t help that you are hot, scared, and in a car.  It’s ok.

Coming back to 96 via 696, she horks up again with very little warning all over my lap.  On both legs from crotch to knees, my hands, forearms, and onto the floor. Her toenails were fighting for position with her tail to decide who was going to come up next.

Crickets burped bile.  Me, I fought wave after wave of nausea as I smelled her stomach acid and something else.

She felt all better after that and went to sleep next to me, between me and the console.  Me, I continued to fight wave after wave of nausea.  Crickets vacated the premises.

We arrived home 2 hours after we left the farm and put out water and food.  She was surprisingly in very little distress and didn’t seem all that interested in water or food.

She’s slept a LOT, drunk some water, peed a bit, did her #2 in the yard.

And she frolicked in the grass with me, chasing me around and around the yard.

I present to you:


Zöe, nee Zola, at rest this afternoon.



This was such a cool idea, it seems a shame to ruin it… musical highways.

Read Full Post »