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Posts Tagged ‘billy’

Topic Salad Sunday.

I was talking with my sister and asked her if they still have goats.  (We’ll call her “GlassCutter”)

Me:  Still got your goats?

GlassCutter:  Yes.  Disgusting animals.

Me:  Can I ask why they are disgusting?

GC:  Yeah.  We rented a billy to mate with our female goats.

Me:  Rent-a-Billy.  Cool.

GC:  Yeah, when they want to attract one of the females, the bucks piss all over their own heads.

Here I imagined a goat standing on it’s hind legs and trying to aim high and with enough force to have a golden shower.  I failed miserably, because I was laughing so hard I was near to blacking out.

Me:  So… do they lay on their backs and aim or…

GC:  No, they put their head down between their front legs and go.  Drives the chicks wild.

Me:  Hmmm.  Does it work with humans?  I mean, I could go pee on myself and…

GC:  Sure, see if Cruel Wife is interested.

To my great relief a verbal description failed to elicit any amorous responses from Cruel Wife.

****

We were eating dinner tonight and I noticed that the kids were far more interested in the tv that we forgot to turn off in the other room.  To test my theory that they were mentally on another planet I started talking.

Me:  So… NASA called.  I’m going to fly to the moon.

(silence, daughter blinks several hundred times slower than normal, but just once)

Me:  But only if I could take a zebra on the spacecraft with me.

(more silence, the boy drooled onto his plate)

Me:  And they said THE ZEBRA that I’m TAKING TO THE MOON could only come with me if THERE WAS A HUGE BLOCK OF BLUE CHEESE RIDING ON THE ZEBRA.

(dead silence, food falls out of boy’s mouth… then…)

Girlhead and Frankenboy:  (in unison)  Can we be excused now?

Me:  Yes.  Fine.  Go.  Your mother and I will eat alone in silence.  In the dark.  Slowly going blind.  Don’t you worry about us…

No I didn’t really say that last part.

****

Sooooo… if Republicans back Obama’s tax cut deal then it is really them approving of another “stimulus package”.  Did I really hear that right?

It is the irony of ironies if you believe one leading economist’s characterization of President Obama’s tax cut deal. As Republicans prepare to take over the House next month — having swept to power by railing against reckless spending in Congress — they are now backing what Mark Zandi calls a second “stimulus.”  – FoxNews.com

A stimulus package in the way politicians seem to see it is where you take away money from people and then give it back to them, thus granting them some sort of favor that they must now feel grateful for.  And they should somehow feel stimulated.

But wouldn’t it be better and far cheaper to not have wasted money on bureaucracy and let people keep their money in the first place?  Talk about government waste.

“It’s stimulus in the sense we’re providing some additional temporary tax cuts and some additional temporary spending increases, so I’m not sure what the difference is between what we’re talking about here and what we did back in early ’09,” Zandi said on America’s Election Headquarters Sunday.

Again… how about you keep your stinkin’ mitts off our money in the first place and let us figure out what to do with it?  THAT is real stimulus, you freak.

****

Watched “The Doors” finally.  God what an aimless damned train wreck of a human being and of a movie.  I walk away from reruns of “Barney” feeling more empowered than that.

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