Posts Tagged ‘carl’

Office Assassin sent me a link to the newest Llamas with Hats.  Bless her coal-black heart.

She has pledged to be nice(er) to me this year.  For the most part she’s done very well.  She sent me a picture of a beautiful flower yesterday and then disclosed that it was a deadly poisonous one and that perhaps she has a little ways to go.

I should probably mention that I have filled our luggage with orphan meat.  – Carl the Llama

Awful.  Hilarious.  Sick.  Funny.


Today’s second dose of black gallows humor.  I have absolutely no idea where it comes from.  Might’ve been Adult Swim.

Scene:  A guillotine
Dramatis Personae: A crowd, a man in the stocks, and a black-masked executioner

Executioner:  Do you have any last words you would like to say?

Prisoner:  I’d like to say to my wife and family –

[Guillotine whistles down, stopping with a thudding sound]

Executioner:  [smiling] I just live for that.

Bunk Strutts over at Tacky Raccoons has an awesome set of china on display.

They just scream “Eat ribs on me!”


Ah, what a wuss.   Boy sticks tongue on frozen pole.

I did it as a kid just before the school bus drove up.  Driver said to get on or get left behind.

So I steeled myself and ripped my tongue off the mailbox leaving a nickle-sized patch of tongue on the mailbox.  Bled like crazy for 30 minutes or so.  I spit every last bit of it on the floor on the back of the bus just to spite the hateful harpy of a driver.

Didn’t need no firemen to save me from my stupidity, just a shrew of a bus driver.


I’m speechless as a result of the stupidity of the Seattle bean-pusher named Johnson.

“There was a little line on there near the bottom of the bill that said ‘King county death tax: $50.’ And we looked at that, and looked at that and looked at each other and said ‘what is that?’ Couldn’t believe that a little girl that lived for an hour has to pay a $50 tax,” said Larry.  [Larry the grandfather of the little girl who lived one hour and then died.]

King County now requires a review of every death. The medical examiner instituted the $50 fee for cremations three years ago. This year, it included the fee for burials as well.

The reason we do that is to make sure no one goes to the crematorium or to their grave without society and the family knowing exactly how their loved one died,” says Gareth Johnson, King County Prevention Division Manager.

It’s a well-known fact that without charging them money it would be otherwise impossible to contact the deceased’s family.  What a schmuck.

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In the last week Cruel Wife has allowed me to spend saved money.   A HiDef monitor, a 1 TB hard drive, a Canon EOS Rebel T1i camera, and soon… very soon… Photoshop CS5 Extended.  Oh the things I’ll be able to do.

That is, when I stop injuring myself.  Last night I steamed my right thumb with steam escaping a plastic covered bowl of nuked green beans.

Tonight I picked up a half-full pot that had been on the stove.   The handle was very hot  where it stuck into the vents for the oven down below.  When I went to go get it I did so w/o mitts.  Pinky, ring, and middlefinger all smart like the beejezus and match my right thumb.  These were worse – contact burns down to the second knuckle.   Mmmm-hmmmmm.

Thank God for WaterGel™, is all I have to say.

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