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Posts Tagged ‘Cruel Wife’

Cruel Wife Update

Ok, so she burned her hand last night with molten sugar.

No big deal, right?  Other than finally falling asleep at 3am with her hand in a glass of ice water in the pulled-out drawer of her nightstand, no, no big deal.

This morning her paw was feeling pretty good sort of decent so she decided to put on makeup for work.

She sharpened the eye-liner so it’d be easier to put on with the burned right hand.

And promptly slipped and stabbed herself in the eye.

I swear, we’re going to have to put a padded helmet on her, protective eyewear, oven mitts, and corks on the tines of her forks to protect her from herself.  She’s not allowed to call me a klutz anymore.

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No, I don’t mean the movie, although it was a great flick.

Instead I am referring to the results of the wonderful propaganda campaign arguments given by concerned readers to estrogen tyrant Cruel Wife in an attempt to give me my very own copy of Duke Nukem: Balls of Steel collector’s edition.   I’m on a misogynist scatological juvenile wet-dream Duke Nukem high.

Yes, it is $35 more.  But a BUST OF THE DUKE, man!   CW said “What comes with BoSE that you want so much?”

I was horribly frustrated.  Are we so out of sync that she couldn’t see the obvious?

I wrote:

What do I want so much??? Did you look at the picture?  Did you listen when I described what came with it?  (I was frothy by now)
It’s got a bust of Duke!  It has Duke Nukem dice!  It has radioactivity bumper stickers!  A collector’s comic book!  Duke Nukem poker chips!  Duke Nukem postcards!  Duke Nukem art book!  It even has it’s own serialized Proof of Duke Nukem Officialness certificate!

She didn’t understand it, but she relented agreed to it this evening.

This is a triumph.  I’m making a note here: Huge Success.  It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.  At LemurKing’sFolly, we do what we must, because we can.

ID10T Killer at work is getting one, too, so it only makes sense that I should be allowed to more fully share common experiences with co-workers/friends, right?  Delivery on June 14, of 2011.

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Man says he is robbed by woman with “real big thighs”.  God what a storytelling.

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Honest truth?  We should all be allowed to go in a cool way like this – saving the life of someone that means everything to us.  Good on you, Don Lansaw.  And so sorry for your loss, Bethany Lansaw.   Your fella was a true hero, one you can be proud of.

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More later.

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Tonight, for the first time, I set up a server for Battlefield 2, loaded a map, and headed for a chopper.

Up to that point, I’ve done all that a million jillion times.  You have to practice a lot.

But tonight was… unusual.

I got in my AH-1Z attack helicopter: 

I throttled her up, and my gunner got in.

Cruel Wife was my gunner, playing Battlefield 2.  I was on my computer, she was on hers, and we were honest-to-goodness flying.

Before long she was taking out targets of opportunity with the 20mm Gatling Gun and TV-Guided Hellfire Anti-Armor AGM’s.

If I weren’t married, and you weren’t married, I would ask CW to marry me.   – LC Aggie Sith

Note to Aggie… If I wasn’t married to her, and you weren’t married to her, I’d marry her.

It was so gosh darned cool.   Yeah, I know she probably won’t really get into the game.  Hokay, but for 15 minutes or so, coming up over a hilltop to rain fire down upon others was just pure bliss.

Note:  I’ve had to practice LOTS to become a decent pilot (The Dude is an excellent gunner, IMHO).  No, the controls are not not not realistic.  But then again, neither is battle, so let’s just get over that and move on.  That said, flying a helicopter is not easy – easy to start, easier to die, difficult to master, and flying in battle while looking good doing it (so your gunner doesn’t hate your guts) – all without dying… that’s not easy.  Really.  And no, I never fly in 3rd person mode, ever.  I think it’s a pansy-weasel way to fly.  (No offense to Weasels)

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Cruel Wife has been encouraging… no, strongly suggesting… no… nagging me to invest time in an online comic strip she loves.

Now don’t get me wrong – it’s steampunk, it’s awesomely drawn, it’s got action and engineering-like stuff in it, and all the chicks have these enormous hooters funbags jugs breasts – what’s not to love, right?  Seriously, these gals make Butterball turkeys hang their heads in shame.

I’ve resisted because frankly, those people who are addicted to it are really addicted to it.  It’s sad.

And now I am, too. Girl Genius.  It’s been out there since 2003.  I met the author/artist at the World Steampunk Expo a few months back.  Interesting trio involved in the strip.

The biggest problem is that you spend so much time reading it, especially at first, that you burn up hours very quickly.  That was my original argument.  I was correct.  I read until 2am last night.  I’m only now into 2005 with five more years to catch up on, with three installments posted per week.  It’s a huge amount of work and they’ve only covered 1/3 of the full story as they have planned out so far.  And it is a very fun ride.

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Speaking of addiction…  In order to make this chicken dish tonight I had to have some beer.  I’ve made no secret that I had to give up alcohol because I just loved beer too much.  So there I am in the corner store tonight buying a bottle of beer to cook with.

It is a measure of the power of the addiction when you are more self-conscious about the Red Bull that you are purchasing than the beer you came to buy in the first place. I also chugged the Red Bull in about 30 seconds, burped, and put the can down on the table in front of Cruel Wife and said “I have a problem.”

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