Posts Tagged ‘easter’




A number of idiots out there make a case for Zombie Jesus, which I find to be a hollow insult to Christianity, as in me saying “Ha. Ha. You guys are so funny I forgot to laugh.” (Feel free to look them up on your search engine of choice, but they are typically spiteful atheists or just mean-spirited so I will not link them.)

Then the thought occurred… “Would Jesus kill zombies?”

Cruel Wife laughed and answered my question with “That is the question for the ages.”

I bet He would. I cannot possibly imagine Jesus not smiting the poo out of any zombie he found, whether eating braaaaainnnns or just mindlessly minding its own business. If you look at “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” (John 6:31) I can honestly say that I would not want others eating my braaaaainnnns nor would I want to do the same to others.

Jesus and Lazarus came back smelling like roses and not at all interested in braaaaainnnns, so I just cannot see how you could make the argument that they were zombies themselves. The idiots who spout “Zombie Jesus” nonsense clearly did not think that one through.

So, I can now make the argument to Cruel Wife on this Easter Day that getting me a $500 gift certificate to Zombie Tools is a Good Idea.

(h/t to The Dude for passing that on – I’m sure he saw the Jack L. Katt post from yesterday and sent it to me to cheer me up)


Mack-Daddy-O – Zombie Tools


The Reaper – Zombie Tools

Those are just my preferences.

Already pointed out to CW… “Isn’t it interesting that they offer gift certificates starting at only $500?” She was lukewarm at the time but as that thought takes hold it will probably weigh in my favor.

I pointed out to her that even at around $400 either one of these would cost less than one payment on a Shelby GT 500. (I am sure I am awarded one point for that.)

Then I asked her if the fact that they were 5160 steel was a good thing. Good materials scientist that she is, she looked it up and said that yes they would make excellent swords, being essentially spring steel. (Another two points for appealing to her intellect.)

I asked her if it was good that they were hardened to Rockwell 53. She said “Oh yeah.” (Another additional point for further seeking out her expertise, I’m positive.)

Then, I pointed out that the company that makes them is in Montana, where she has familial ties. (Not sure if it helped, but how could it hurt?)

Then I pointed out their usefulness for BBQ. (Two points, easy-peasy.)

Next I shall point out their suitability for Home Defense, because they cannot fire through walls and indeed require no ammunition whatsoever.

I’ve got this one in the bag because the final point will be when I point out that “Jesus must be anti-Zombie. Food laws from the Old Testament went away but never once did He and the disciples feed multitudes with braaaaainnnns, they did not go out on boats to get braaaaainnnns, and at the last supper He mentioned eating of His body and drinking of His blood but never did He mention braaaaainnnns. Communion involves no braaaaainnnns whatsoever.”

One could even argue that one is closer to Godliness armed with such tools.

She cannot refute my logic.

Note: You may not read anything into the “communion involves no braaaaainnnns” sentence other than its original meaning, which is that I’ve never seen Communion involve anything other than wine and bread – the discussion surrounding transubstantiation is for another day.

I’m thinking that He would be more likely to go for this sort of Zombie Tool, however. It looks more traditional.


Ferrous Wolf – Zombie Tools

Anyway, happy Easter to all. Forget about Zombie Tools and think about what Easter is really about. Eggs, chocolate, Resurrection, naps – not in that particular order.

I hope no one was offended by this post because I believe God must have a sense of humor. If God is as humorless as some of His followers, then eternity is surely one long waiting room without magazines.


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Damn Heisenberg.

Easter is around the corner. I am probably a bad man for thinking Laconic Pup’s forwarding of this picture was the high point of my week.


In other news, we have looked – 3AM last night around the neighborhood, through the house last night and today, CW walked the neighborhood today, and I walked the neighborhood just as soon as I got off work. No sign of Jack L. Katt. I keep looking out the windows and back door but no sign. We thought he was just power-napping hard and now we have no idea where he is. I wish cats were crappier physicists.

Sigh. He’s just a damn cat for fuck’s sake. Damn cat.

Meanwhile, I check the doors and the windows when CW isn’t looking and imagine him meowing outside the window of the room I am in.

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It’s a good time of the year – Easter Sunday tomorrow.

Have these types of celebrations ever been in vogue around the world?  Would have been cool.

If we lived in Hungary, we might be celebrating Easter by getting buckets of water dumped on us. “The watering of the girls” is a fertility ritual where girls dress in traditional garb and men pour buckets of water on them as they pass.

Well, that sounds pretty interesting.


Immediately thought “Oh, burned coffee – must be about Starbucks.”

Nope.  But it was still burned coffee, just like Starbucks.


What economic recovery?  Has anyone on the ground actually seen a ****ing economic recovery?

Economic recovery prompts US divorce rebound


Civet coffee is nothing new.  But this is an interesting way to put it.

Apparently, enzymes and other chemicals in the animal’s digestive tract react with the protein in the beans, eliminating much of the bitterness present in most coffees and creating a highly appealing flavor, despite how it came to pass.

At $300 per pound, that better be a fine enzyme-producing-cat-crapped cup o’ beans.


On Fark this was titled “Man shot in head with potato gun is lucky an eye wasn’t put out“.

I’ve seen a potato fired at a cinder-block wall get reduced to a starchy vapor.  Potato guns could kill you easily.

The 24-year-old man was camping with friends in Gurnang State Forest, south of Oberon, when a potato gun discharged…

Yeah, they were sitting around the fire, toasting marshmallows when suddenly this dude’s potato gun that was leaning up against a tree just fell over and, like, went off, dudes.

Sorry but potato guns discharge because someone discharged them, so really the story should read “The 24 year-old man was hanging out with his buddies and doing stupid things when his head was somehow put between the end of the barrel and the spot where the potato wanted to go, and got clobbered by the tuber.”


I can no longer deny that we are a country that is home to enough stupid people (evidence follows) that the last presidential election is not only easily understandable but almost a foregone conclusion.

The longtime treasurer of the Salvation Army in Barnes County has quit after being told not to serve free food to contractors who built up the city’s dikes in response to near-record Sheyenne River flooding.

Mayor Bob Werkhoven said in a statement that the city needs to focus on flood-fighting and that the food dispute is “a non-issue for both the city and the Salvation Army.”

Lori Jury said restaurant owners wanted construction workers’ business, leading her superiors to tell her to stop food deliveries, even during hours the restaurants weren’t open.

“All I wanted to do was feed some hungry men who are working hard to save our community,” Jury, who had been treasurer for 16 years, told the Times-Record newspaper. “I never dreamt it would come to this.

I can’t help it.  I go back and re-read this any time I need an instant genuine laugh.


I understand the argument about medical treatment being something you can’t not give to prisoners.  But there’s medical treatment and there’s also giving criminals organ transplants that could be saving someone’s life on the outside.

“The policy is pretty simple: We are constitutionally obligated to provide health-care services to the inmates,” said Peter Cutler, a spokesman for the state Departmentof Correctional Services. “They basically receive the community standard of care.”    Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/04/23/ny-taxpayers-pay-big-heart-transplant-convicted-rapist

Giving them care doesn’t necessarily mean you have to give them a heart transplant.  Treatment can be palliative and not necessarily curative (if a transplant can be considered such).  So not giving them a heart transplant doesn’t mean they didn’t get treatment.

I don’t know – but giving a criminal a taxpayer-funded organ transplant while serving a sentence, which is also taxpayer-funded, while some poor bastard is in hock up to his eyeballs so his kid or wife could have one… there’s something wrong there.

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