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Posts Tagged ‘goats’

Blowing goats.

Yes, you heard me. This. Cold. Snap. Blows. Goats.

Could be worse, I know, but damn it is cold. Taking the trash down to the road reads like a Jack London story.

To impress the kids last night I ran barefoot out in the snow and did a Global Warming dance. At -18F it doesn’t take long to get cold.

Cruel Wife and Lemurita followed suit later on after a double-dog dare.

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Cruel Wife and I recounted to the kids the Christmas We All Vomited Copiously (during dinner).

Lemurita got the virus first and passed it on to us.

So I said slyly, “Well you know Lemurita, that is why you have been grounded for years and will remain so until you are eighteen.”

What?”

“Oh yes. It is why you don’t have a cellphone. I imagine HackerBoy will get one next year.”

(Scream). “Daaaaa-aaaad!!!”

I looked at CW and said “I am a bad person, aren’t I?”

(She nodded emphatically as she checked her hearing on her right side.)

“No, seriously, Lemurita…. Do you really think I would be so rotten as to do that?”

She looked at me with a steely stare and said, “I wouldn’t have until you said that.”

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My sister has been worried about Fukushima and what it will do to the Northwest.

To read a number of sources, the whole affair sounds like self-cooking shrimp and Fallout 4 and 5 will happen there.

So… I don’t think so. You can find a million billion jillion links out there that paint a conspiracy of isotopic lingering death spirals, but I just don’t buy it. Dilution, baby.

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Cruel Wife says “No.”

I think this kind of decor would be cool.

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This article has hogged a tag on my browser for some time. Time to clear it out.

Seriously, is the “EM messes with life’s karma, dude” refrain ever going to go away?

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Spider goats on the face of a dam.  – h/t to Black Lab on Amphetamines

One quick shot and you could pick up your now-tenderized goat at the bottom of the dam.

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Don’t forget to vote!

I was just at the voting precinct this morning and found it to be crowded and the worker I asked said it was very busy.  Last time I saw it so busy was Clinton’s re-election year.

Republicans damn well better not see this as a referendum in their favor.  It isn’t.  It’ll be a vote against democrats, which is another animal entirely.

From Llamas with Hats (go buy one!).  I wish I could buy one but my daughter has just learned how to read and she is already wickedly good at it.

This expresses my feelings towards the Dems,though:

From Llamas with Hats - you need one of these... http://www.cafepress.com/filmcow/7073378

And this one…

From Llamas with Hats - you need one of these, too... http://www.cafepress.com/filmcow/7073378

 

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To borrow heavily from Weasel – steal, actually:

On weekends lemur resteses.

In other words, I could use a few days off. I’m beat. Whipped. Zonked. Zapped. Folded. Spindled. Mutilated. I’m just going to post some old cynical stuff I wrote a long time ago for kicks.

My “leave me alone” sign for my office door:

Attention:

If you are bleeding to death, being eaten alive by wild goats, or on fire, send me an e:mail and I’ll see what I can do. Otherwise, if you see my door closed it probably means that I am not currently feeling receptive to:

Small talk, chit chat, jokes, innuendo, blunt character assassinations, vulcan mind melds, gossip, company representatives, currency exchange, Dixie Chicks, cookie sales, tongue bifurcations, charitable institutions, religious tracts, tummy tucks, snide comments, free shampoo samples, games of Twister in the meeting area, hot dog eating contests, David Blaine stunts, hoola hoops, body piercings, live food, Tim Robbins, brain surgery, gardening techniques, botox injections, Oprah Week, limburger cheese, fungal infections, cretins, poisonous snakes, ingrown toenails, insurance salesmen, stories of fallen arches, whiny requests, vomit, or poodles (of any kind).

This list is by no means complete and is a work in progress, use it as a set of  loose general guidelines.

I am receptive to: chilies (of any kind) or recipes involving spotted owls or snail-darters.

Ok. That pretty much puts it right on the table, doesn’t it? I thought so. Problem was, it was not universally loved and the one man who signed my paychecks was unmoved by my whining, so down it went. Same thing went for my work e:mail signature block:

DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this e-mail message may be privileged, confidential and protected from disclosure. If you are not the intended recipient, any further disclosure, use, dissemination, distribution, ingestion, exposure, printing, photographing, smoke-signaling, astral projecting, or copying of this message or any attachment is strictly prohibited, strongly discouraged, frowned upon, illegal, unethical, immoral, and just plain wrong and may result in your being fed to giant goat-eating cockroaches, diseased skunks, or rabid squirrels (depending on availability). If you think you have received this e-mail message in error, please e-mail the sender using a doubly-encrypted and digitally signed message with not less than two references (and an affidavit) at the above address and permanently delete the e-mail using at least three of the following – DoD approved wipe of your entire hard drive, disposal of your entire computer via thermite ordnance, trash compaction (3 passes, please), degaussing of exposed hard-drive subcomponents in not less than a 4 Tesla B-field, AND complete behavioral and memory reconditioning at any US Gov’t approved CIA safehouse. Although this e-mail and any attachments are believed to be free of any virus, bacteria, fungal infestations, prions, waxy buildups, otherwise unclassified pathogens, neurotoxins, mutagenic/teratrogenic/carcinogenic compounds, anaesthetics, stimulants, aphrodisiacs, antidepressants, asphyxiants, combustibles, explosives, blemishs, secretions, or other defects that might affect any computer system into which they are received and opened, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure that they are free of all forms of harm (debilitating or otherwise) and no responsibility is accepted by anyone, really, or any of their affiliates for any loss or damage arising in any way from their use.

You may have noticed a recurring theme: goats.

My suspicion is that it either came from Dr. Seuss OR from Berke Breathed. Either one is a badge of honor since they influenced my thinking greatly.

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