Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘harp seal’

Shelter that Snowflake.

Update:   Sent to me by ID10T Killer.  I cannot possibly imagine how you could get geekier than building an ALU using MineCraft.   That doesn’t mean “bad”, it just means “you don’t get very many dates, do you?”

****
Just how much of a sad sack of sh*t do you need to be to think that your kid needs a “no-hit pinata”
?

Me, I’m going to get my kids a harp-seal pinata, furred with real harp-seal fur.

This was originally over at Tacky Raccoons (Bunk Strutts).

****

In a million years I could not stress enough how badly I need #5, The Walking Harvester, aka the Tree-Eating Robo-Spider

****

Seanbaby over at Cracked.com put up a piece listing sex advice books… Page 2 is something else.  Definitely adult-oriented.  Funny as hell.

4 Great Sex Advice Books for People Who Hate Sex

#4 looks like a good way to die of a brain aneurysm, and I don’t mean the good kind.

7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital

Ah, what the hell.  We’re on “Sex” tonight so let’s talk about “forbidden love”.
****
And making paper out of elephant poop is a green thing to do… how?
…environmentally conscious company…
[snip]
After the poo is gathered, Flancman said it’s carefully rinsed with water, leaving only the fibrous materials from the grasses, bamboo and fruits the elephants have eaten but couldn’t digest.
Then… those fibers are thrown into a giant pot of boiling water to ensure an even more thorough cleansing and sterilization, leaving the fibers primed and ready to be made into paper.Once additional fibers from pineapple plants and trees are thrown into the all-natural mix to add thickness, [the] team separates the moist pulp into small cakes that are then spread over a mesh-bottomed tray and left out to dry naturally under the sun for several hours.Once dry, the cakes transform into sheets of paper, and Flancman and his crew are able to peel them off the tray and start making Poo Poo Paper products.

He said this tedious handmade process is repeated often, and in the end, the paper comes out sturdy and oatmeal-colored without a hint of stinkiness.

Oh!  They are allowed to dry naturally, which makes this a green process.  Right.  Got it.
****
I made an awful, awful, awful mistake a month or so ago.  I like to cook and I made fresh mashed spuds using red potatoes.  My favorite, next to Yukon Golds.  So anyway, I slop some on my daughter’s plate, add a pat of butter, and a dollop of gravy from a pork roast on top.
Looking at Cruel Wife I said with a grin “There you go, girl, a ‘Volcano of Love’.”
More later…
Now, that didn’t sound NEARLY as obscene when I said it as when my daughter said tonight after finishing her mashed potatoes:
“Dad, I want another ‘Volcano of Love’.”
I looked at my wife, and she had the most evil grin on her face – the kind of evil grin that turns your bones gelatinous and makes your skin just wetly slough off and pile up on the floor.
I’m going to need a whole lot of serious therapy.

Read Full Post »

Update:  Shooting down drones with lasers.  Next thing you know they’ll be putting them on sharks.

I’m impressed.  The technical hurdles Raytheon needed to address in order to do that… wow.

****

I know that sounds like he got a cheap prostitute but really it’s all about money.  Yes, it was steampunk for a while, lately it’s been money.  I may head back to SteamPunk Land and see if it meets money as per Aggie’s GENIUS suggestion.

A little background on this seal.  I wasn’t going to put the splatters on there, honest to God, I wasn’t.

But I got a lovely piece of trollage – and I don’t want to name names but it is tessa yakush – this morning that wanted me to engage in deep fellatio with a running chainsaw and die a more horrible death than a clubbed seal.

It doesn’t all have to be superdark bad stuff.

As apotheosis said in a later comment:

I went seal clubbing one time but I couldn’t get the stupid glow bracelets to stay on their little flipper wrists.

Bless you, apo.  The related info on your blog-posting made me laugh hard enough I had to wipe tears from my eyes.  The imagery of “cold dead shark eyes and face-rending claws” of the seal was disturbing.  Bereft of any mercy, of any warmth, of any connection with any living thing… wow.

Anyway, back to my troll, tessa could not see that I had already written multiple times in that posting and comments that I don’t care for clubbing seals just for taking fur.  But no, she wished terrible things upon me that bruised my fragile “self” and has left me a lifeless shell, and I can only fill it with the feelings that flooded in when her message touched my heart.

So… Videlicet

Bite me, tessa.

Next time I do this it will be to showcase how baby endangered animals (all baby animals, actually) taste better.

You don’t believe me?  Eggs.  Veal.  Lamb.  Squab.

Read Full Post »