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Posts Tagged ‘irony’

The definition of Irony is to arrive at the same ultimate end but by a manner you could never have foreseen.

You got a headache and you’re going to the drugstore for some ibuprofen.  On the way, your car gets run over,  killing you… by an ibuprofen supplier truck.  THAT is irony.

My goal was to have the flames be in the shapes of little demons – Gore, Briffa, Mann – all running around trying to put it out but only lighting more fires.

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Update on the Mexican Invasion of our United States….

On Thursday, about 200 Mexican-American students walked out of class in protest of the flag clothing incident. Members of the group waved the Mexican flag and said they were marching for respect and unity. They also demanded the school suspend the boys who wore the U.S. flag-adorned clothing.

I say:

1)  You are either Mexican or you are American

2)  Get your damned flag out of my country

3)  If you want my respect, have some respect for my nation and my flag – and see #2, above

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Inscrutable Half-Breed passed on this link – a Cracked.com article about how The Karate Kid has irrevocably ****ed up our lives.   There’s truth to it.  Because of these blindingly unrealistic portrayals of adversity, we’re freaked out when we find that success is hard.  Here’s part of his wisdom exactly as it dribbled out in congealing HTML on his site.

I really think Effort Shock has been one of the major drivers of world events. Think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, “All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month.” So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, dammit, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.  – Dr. David Wong

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Eco-tards continue to impress me with their skills at accomplishing absolutely nothing.

French University builds 11,000 MPG car.

Of course you shouldn’t expect to see anything like Team Polyjule’s car in showrooms anytime soon. The tight-fitting car is worn like clothing more than sat in, and has virtually no practical applications, as is. The idea behind the competition, which was first held in 1939, is drive innovation in new automotive technologies, and get people excited about fuel efficiency.

Oh yeah.  Rah.  Rah.  Rah.

That “as-is” qualifier sounds a lot like a teenager who realizes what he’s saying is a horribly stupid idea and is stealthily trying to build in exit strategies if someone calls him out on how utterly moronic his suggestion is.

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Mickey Rourke – always has been a favorite of mine.

He told Parade.com: “It was important for me to put that aside and go, ‘You know what? This is a business. If you kiss the right a*s and you get lucky on a movie or two, you could last 10 years.’ So, now, I just keep my mouth shut and pet my chihuahuas.”

Is “pet my chihuahuas” a euphemism?

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(AKA “To Kill a Mime”)

So Veeshir wants silencers…

… then silencers you shall have.

I give to you (as in “present to you”) the MimeSweeper3 v0.2.

There’s more irony in NOT using silencers since by definition if you are greasing mimes you’re not big on quiet entertainment, but then again, this is poetic.

Pic your poison.  Poetic, above, or Bleeding Irony, below.

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Awww… shit. (can I say that on a blog?)

Man, this is a sad day. This is the guy who taught me the meaning of the word “irony”, which seems to be used in every way but the proper one. He made me laugh even as my parents recoiled in parental concern over his language. He was parental taboo.

George Carlin, 1937-2008

But dammit, he was funny and original. He was incredibly sharp and had a mind that never quit moving.

Well George… we’ll miss you. Let’s all remember him by saying some words that can never be said on TV….

Song Lyrics: I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. I say they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. And then we assign a word to a thought (POP) and we’re stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them. There are some people that are not into all the words. There are some people that would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7 of them you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 …to 7. They must reallllly be baaad. They’d have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7! Baaad words! That’s what they told us they were, remember? “That’s a bad word!” (Wahhhh!) No bad words. Bad thoughts…bad intentions…and words.

You know the 7, don’t you, that you can’t say on television?
Shit, ****, ****, ****, **********, ************, and ****, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that’ll infect your soul…curve your spine…and keep the country from winning the war. ****, ****, ****, ****, **********, ************ and ****, wow! …And **** doesn’t even belong on the list! It’s such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? “Hey, ****, come here, man. Hey, ****! Hey ****, meet Toots. Toots, ****. ****, Toots.” It sounds like a snack, doesn’t it? Yes, I know, it is, right, a snack. But I don’t mean your sexist snack. I mean new Nabisco ****! And new Cheese ****! Corn ****-n, Pizza ****, Sesame ****, Onion ****. Tater ****. “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One.” That’s true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list. Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I’m not completely insensitive to people’s feelings. I can dig why some of those words got on the list, like ********** and ************. Those are…those are heavyweight words. You know. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they’re just busy words. There’s a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you man. **********, ************, **********, ************! It’s like an assault on you, you know? So I can dig that.

Now we mentioned **** earlier of course and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are **** and ****, which go together of course, but forget that. A little accidental humor I threw in there. **** and ****. The reason that **** and **** are on the list is that a long time ago, certain ladies said, “Those are the 2 I ‘m not going to say. I don’t mind **** and ****, but ‘P’ and ‘C’ are out. ‘P’ and ‘C’ are out.” Which led to such stupid sentences as “Okay you *******, I’m going to tinkle now.”

And, of course, the word ****. The word **** – I don’t really, well that’s more accidental humor, – I don’t wanna get into that now. Because I think it takes too long. But I do mean that. I mean I think the word **** is a very important word. It’s the beginning of life, and yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. And people much wiser than I have said, “I’d rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another.” And I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentiment, I wish I knew who said it first and I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I’d like to substitute the word ‘fuck’ for the word ‘kill’ in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. “Okay, Sheriff, we’re gonna **** you now! But we’re gonna **** you slow.” So maybe next year I’ll have a whole ******’ rap on that word. I hope so.

There are 2-way words. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any circumstances. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny. I mean, it’s just impossible. Forget those 7, they’re out. But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words. Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? “…And the **** crowed 3 times” “Hey, tha **** crowed 3 times! Ha ha ha ha. Hey, it’s in the bible. Ha ha ha ha. There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for Curt Goudy to say “Roberto Clemente has 2 balls on him.” But he can’t say “I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don’t you? He’s holding them. He must’ve hurt them, by God.” And the other 2-way word that goes with that one is prick. It’s okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger but don’t finger your prick”. No, no!

©1972 Dead Sea Music Inc., BMI

For those who want one-stop-shopping, here are the seven words, rendered only partially sanitized:

  1. Sh-t
  2. P-ss
  3. F-ck
  4. C-nt
  5. C-cks-cker
  6. M-th-rf-cker
  7. T-ts

Obviously the list has been carved into over the years since this first came out, but it was revolutionary at the time.

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Cool! History preserved…

Maryland attic holds 400 years of documents

Papers provide a firsthand account of life from the 1660s through WWII

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