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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Found here:   http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cave-johnson-combustible-lemons#.Th9cz4Lud8FFavorites:  “I don’t want your damn lemons” and “Demand to see life’s manager!”

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“You have 80% of the American people who support a balanced approach. 80% of the American people support an approach that includes revenues and includes cuts. So the notion that somehow the American people aren’t sold is not the problem. The problem is members of Congress are dug in ideologically.”  – President Obama speaking while in the grips of a full-blown psychotic break

No, what the majority of Americans want is for the US government be restricted to the same financial limitations that they are.  If you are in debt, accrual of more debt is not an option.  Things that you’d like to have must be cut – be it cable, internet, fancier food, pet grooming, going out to eat, new car

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Life

Hey, at what point did life suddenly stop being fair?  I’m outraged.

A Nebraska girl born with no arms and no legs says unfair scoring is to blame for her failed attempts to make the cheerleading squad after three years reports the Omaha World-Herald. Her parents say she was given “no accommodation for her disability” during tryouts, citing the Americans with Disabilities Act. According to the World Herald, the girl received her “lowest score in the jumps/kicks category and her highest marks in the communication skills and enthusiasm/spirit categories.” 

As Cave Johnson said in Portal:
“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”  – Cave Johnson, telling like it is when life gives you lemons
Her parents are doing her a grave disservice for letting her learn the incorrect life lesson here.  The proper lesson is that LIFE ISN’T FAIR.  Show me a blind person in the Olympic Archery competition, would you?
Someone needs to point out to the kid what the great philosopher Jagger said… “You can’t always get what you want. “

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For those who don’t know me… that was sarcasm.

On the Life website…

Oh yeah… tires that light up.  From the inside.  (ok, this would be kind of cool at first)

Venetian sunglasses, for when your eyes want a little privacy.

When you’re willing to risk death for your invention, that is dedication.  When you’re willing to go to certain death for your invention, that’s just stupid.  Birdman costume.

Yes.  Yes this would work.  Now I can restrain my 30MW bundle-of-energy English Shepherd, Zoe.  My problems are solved with the Dog Restrainer.

Cigarette holder for two.  When you need this kind of intimacy you don’t need more of it, you need professional help.  Get all the psychiatric disciplines involved, while you are at it.

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Reuters brings us more science from London (apparently).

Many prehistoric Australian aboriginals could have outrun world 100 and 200 meters record holder Usain Bolt in modern conditions.

Some Tutsi men in Rwanda exceeded the current world high jump record of 2.45 meters during initiation ceremonies in which they had to jump at least their own height to progress to manhood.

Any Neanderthal woman could have beaten former bodybuilder and current California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm wrestle.

Except for several key points.  Prehistoric man was about as intelligent as a brain-damaged guinea pig.   Prehistoric man died around age 25 if he was very very lucky to have lived that long.  Prehistoric man didn’t have SUV’s, DVR, answering machines, microwaves, Tito and Tarantula albums… hey, their life sucked.

These and other eye-catching claims are detailed in a book by Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister entitled “Manthropology” and provocatively sub-titled “The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male.”

Oh yeah, I’ll run right out and buy that.

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