Posts Tagged ‘mayo’

16 DAYS 21 HOURS 3 MINUTES… Not that I’m counting.

It’s moving 111,600 mph (very roughly) to catch up to a planet moving 107,000 mph (mean orbital velocity – it changes a lot).  Not sure how fast that planet is moving at the moment, but whatever it is, it’s fast.  Mercury is aptly named.  Earth is plodding along at 67,760 (again, very roughly), we’re positively pokey.


Twenty tons of mayo on the highway.

Where’s the bacon, lettuce, tomato, and bread trucks when you really need them?

At least it wasn’t thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

Read Full Post »

UPDATE:  It appears that even in the most serious of times, the Democrats can’t resist throwing in snotty snide comments.  How professional San-Fran Nan can be!  For a loving cookie-baking grandma of 37 she sure can be a crass *itch.

Update #2: I HATE it when this happens.

Update #3:

Mmmm. God damn, Jimmy! This is some serious GOR-MAY shit. Me and Vincent would have been satisfied with some freeze-dried Taster’s Choice. Right? And he springs this serious GOR-MAY shit on us. What flavor is this?


That was the plan, anyway.

Winterizing is heavy on everyone’s mind and rather than leaving the mower in a “rode hard and put away wet” condition, I thought it would be a good idea to give it some attention on Saturday.

  • Wife selling Pampered Chef stuff at a local fall festival.   Check.
  • Kids at sitters.  Check.
  • Block of time.  Check.
  • Dog at the ready and just waiting to fetch tools as I need them.  Uh… hold on.

Perhaps tool fetchage is a bit too much to expect of a 9-1/2 week old pup.

Zoe Helped Herself to a Pillow

Drained the oil in the mower.  Most of it drained over my hands but I collected half a pint or so in the bucket.  There was probably an eighth of a pint in my shirt but not worth squeezing out.  Went to the hardware store for oil and returned home.  Then I realized that I forgot about the oil filter.

Turned around, went back to the hardware store and got a filter.

The old filter looked like it was old when model T’s were still on the road (I inherited the lawn mower).  By using a good tight grip and turning the filter I was able to determine that the previous owner had used a filter wrench to install it.  Straining to remain upbeat I said “No biggie!”  Got my filter wrench out and started twisting and slowly but surely there was movement – that slow giving up of the ghost that tells you that things are submitting to your will.  After a great deal of straining it was obvious that the filter wrench had given it’s all and the filter itself had not budged in the least.  The filter wrench lay on the ground, twisted beyond recognition, covered in little bits of my skin and glistening with my blood and 90 year-old oil.

The wrench was slipping anyway so I added two sanding disks from a random orbital sander back-to-back to get a little extra gripping power and I decided to remove the cowling of the mower to get better access.  Forty minutes later the filter started to break free.  The last resort would have been the old “stab the filter with a screwdriver and torque the bastard off” step but I’ve had really obnoxious filters resist even that and just tear like so much used tissue paper.  I went back to the hardware store for a filter.

Installed filter, went to go get the kids.  Kids kept wanting to play on the mower and the dog kept pooping in the no-go area of the yard.  Cruel Wife came home.  I begged her to keep kids and non-tool-fetching pooch out of my hair for a bit.

Started the mower to hear it purr, and purr it did.  As a test I put the deck down to see how it sounded with the blades engaged.   It sounded a lot like I was mowing over a Harley Davidson.  Got off, looked under the mower and discovered that there was no hog under the mower.  While down there I noticed that a foot-long section of belt had peeled off and was lying on the grass.  Hmmm.  Perhaps that had something to do with it?

An hour later, the three-arm job of removing the pins and hardware holding the deck on was complete and it was time again to be off to the hardware store to get a new belt.

As I attempted to install the new belt is was obvious that the new belt would not fit.  Several minutes were devoted to weeping and cursing.  Off to the hardware store again.  The new belt did not fit again.  Off to the hardware store again. By this point the clerks were not even trying to hide their smirks and snickers.  The belt finally fit, and the peasants rejoiced.  Here is where the really hard part came in.  just try to lift a mower deck by yourself while lying on your side and feeding four pins and keys into the linkages that hold the deck up.  It’s not easy.  The pins are slippery because of the blood and tears and the deck has no easy handholds.

After about 20 minutes the pins were driven home and and when I started up the lawnmower it ran beautifully.

I can only suspect that had my pup been properly trained in the retrieval of tools and the sizing of belts that it would have gone much smoother.  A simple 45 minute job took 7 hours, six bandaids, one blackened nail, two well-oiled shirts, and one Dairy Queen Arctic Freeze drink.  I hope she can sleep well at night.

Saturday night and Sunday (and this morning) were spent trying to get the spasms in my neck and pain under control.  Even now the vicodin and flexeril are just able to help me function.  Even percocet wasn’t touching it Saturday night or last night if that is any indication of how ridiculous it got.

So Zöe did not help me with the mower, but in other ways that pup has been the best gift I ever got.  She laid on the couch with me all evening last night with her head rested on my leg. I asked Cruel Wife if the pup had me wrapped around her tail and the look I got said “so much so that if you are wound any tighter you’ll snap in two…” and “…the dog knows it, too”.

Zöe is growing noticeably bigger – I swear if you put an ear next to her you can hear her growing.  Well, actually I can’t hear a damn thing but someone with their hearing intact might be able to sense something.  I don’t have a pic to post right now but if you check back this evening you should be able to see some taken yesterday.


Now for something fun and tasty. Sent to me by The Dude.  It is one of those things where you have to just accept that it is not good for you and that you choose to enjoy it anyway (like smoking except I’ve never heard of second-hand bacon fat killing innocent bystanders):

Bacon Mayonnaise

Author’s note: Is it possible to improve upon a classic BLT? I think so, by adding another layer of flavor with my bacon mayonnaise. The recipe makes about enough for four sandwiches. It’s best to use it all up as the bacon fat will turn it solid in the refrigerator.

Makes about 1/2 cup/125 ml

1 egg yolk

3/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup/125 ml liquid bacon

Combine the egg yolk, mustard, and lemon juice in the small bowl of a food processor or in a blender and process to mix. Season with salt and pepper. Have the bacon fat liquid, but not hot. With the machine running, gradually add the bacon fat until the mixture starts to stiffen and emulsify, about two minutes. Once it starts to emulsify, you can add the fat more quickly. If the mayonnaise is too thick, just blend in one teaspoon of boiling water to thin it. Taste and adjust the seasoning.


Here.  Enjoy a good list of why rats make great pets.

Read Full Post »