A Beautiful Beautiful… Thing.

Oh, and I ordered Deus Ex: Human Revolution, juuuuust coming in under the wire as a pre-order and getting the tactical pack (nifty weapons and in-game credits unlocks).   So in two days, it will be here.  Yay!  Talk about waiting till the last moment.

May it be a damn sight better than Duke Pukem: Never.

****

I am inspiration-less.  Be patient with me.  Been a rough week.  Still numb-er than I would like (left hand) and the left arm and neck pain is still there (no, it is not a heart-attack).   Not a lot can be done about it besides piss and moan, so I piss and moan.

The Dude is a rock.  He sent me this gorgeous haute cuisine photograph.  It is just gorgeous.  As in “I could gorge on that”.

****

My Granddad used to always say, “Lemur, I don’t eat guts.  Don’t eat guts, Lemur.”   He clearly mentioned that our family had a long history of not eating offal/organs from critters when there were so many other tasty parts.

I have diverged from his paths on occasion.  I like liverwurst.  I like menudo.  But generally I try to stay away from guts.

Which is why I never eat placenta.  I just don’t do it.  If it’s human placenta, isn’t that cannibalism?  How about if it is your placenta?  Is it wrong or just really frakkin’ gross?   Really?  Seriously?   The Placenta Cookbook?

Holy sh*t-sucking leeches, Batman…

Mark Kristal, a behavioral neuroscientist at the University of Buffalo, is the country’s leading (and quite possibly only) authority on placentophagia, the practice of placenta consumption. He has been researching the phenomenon for twenty years, and concludes that it must offer “a fundamental biological advantage” to all mammals. What this advantage is, he writes in one of his papers, “is still a mystery … in fact, a double mystery. We are not sure either of the immediate causes … nor are we sure of the consequences of the behavior.”

Well, we don’t even know what the advantages are, but it sure seems to make more sense to eat it because it seems like the creepier something is when we eat it the better it ought to be for you, right?

The guy just wanders in and out, though.

According to Kristal, the first recorded placentophagia movement in America began in the seventies, when people residing in communes would cook up a placenta stew and share it among themselves. “It’s a New Age phenomenon,” he explains. “Every ten or twenty years people say, ‘We should do this because it’s natural and animals do it.’ But it’s not based on science. It’s a fad.”

I knew a couple families when I was growing up that were like this.  They wove their own clothes out of hair from their bodies combined with yak-teat fuzz for some of the softest underclothes ever – well, softest ever relative to the hemp burlap they normally recycled into their garments.  These people also made huts out of straw and cow manure, smoked dried moss, and thought urine was a fantastic aphrodisiac.

Read Full Post »

The Abuse and Consumption of Muppets.

Warning:  Sensitive readers may find the following offensive or repulsive.  I suggest you toughen up and read it anyway, because if you can’t handle this, you’re in no shape to handle the new congressional supercommittee that is about to be shoved down your throat.

veeshir, who has studiously boycotted this blog for months now, posted a comment on a Sean M. posting over at DoublePlusUndead (yes, I’m confused, too, so relax – you get used to it).

You see, Sean M. linked to the SF Weekly where someone suggested that Bert and Ernie get married so it would be possible to teach small children and Republicans about gay marriage.

Me, I think we’ve got bigger issues at the moment, so if folks want to get married I say go for it.  Remember, I’m a Libertarian-conservative.   Say whatever you want in defense of traditional marriage – on a different post – that’s not an attitude on my part, but it steers us back to my real point on this post:

I do have a serious problem with sexualizing muppets.

veeshir said (hilariously):

I can’t believe they’re trying to force Ernie to marry that evil puppet
That’s just cruel.

We should start a “Free Ernie” campaign.

My follow-up comment, remarking on the more sinister side to all of this:

veeshir is right, Bert has been known to be evil† for well over a decade by my accounting, and probably half that again. It will end tragically with Ernie beaten repeatedly and doing horrid things against his will.

Bert supposedly even had ties with the Taliban.

Battered puppets are just the saddest thing ever. Once kids get a view of torn threads and protruding stuffing, Ernie wearing dark glasses, long sleeved shirts, and duct tape… the “teachable moment” will have really arrived. And everyone will ask why this had been allowed to go on so long.

Now, when I think “battered muppets” I picture beer-batter, tempura, or panko and wonder what muppet flesh must look and taste like.  Yes, that does somehow sound even worse than sexualizing muppets, I know that.

Muppet with Cilantro and Peanut Dipping Sauce

If you don’t remember the skit “Eating Muppets” from The State… well, you should go there right now.

† The notion of Bert being Evil is nothing new.  I leave it as an exercise for the reader to go find it on the web using “bert is evil” as the google or bing search words.

****

The biggest, scariest, and most un-Constitutional blatant power-grab by Congress since the founding of this country, and the important question seems to be if the lone woman on the Super-Committee shouldn’t be two women so women have fair representation?  Seriously?

This is like bitching about which bar the book of matches that the arsonist who burned down your house got them from.

****

In keeping with the tribute to Nancy Wake, Nazi Killer, I’d like to toast another lady made of interesting stuff.  No, not Margaret Thatcher.  Nor Salma Hayek, nor Uma Thurman, nor Scarlett Johansson, nor Charlize Theron…  (yes, men are pigs)

Hedy Lamar.  Pretty and brains, too.

Any girl can be glamorous.  All she has to do is stand still and look stupid.  – Hedy Lamar, actress and owner of a patent for spread-spectrum controlled torpedo(es) – AKA Secret Communications System

Read Full Post »

Mmmmm. Food. Maybe.

Ah, yet another air-dried-tongue-wagger has spoken up about the dismal fate of the planet.  What is the hardly-novel nightmare du jour?

Why, it’s vat grown meat… food… stuff.

Leading scientists say meat grown in vats may be necessary to feed 9 billion people expected to be alive by middle of century

No kidding? Wow. Well, how bad could that be? I mean, look at the awesome vat-grown-lambshake below. You can even have them put mint jelly in a little dollop on top. Doesn’t that look delish?

Bacon Shots.  (don’t confuse with the bacon-flavored vodka I saw over at DPUD)
Pork Shooters.
Bambi Juicy Box.
Foi-gras Fizzes.

It brings a whole new meaning to the term “12 oz Porterhouse Steak”. Put the can in some simmering water, bring it to the table, pop the top for the customer and insert a silver straw.

Read Full Post »

Funny thing happened on my way to this post…

Update:  Pornography of meat is defined, below.

Cruel wife and I went to celebrate Valentine’s day tonight.  It beats fighting the crowds.  It was sixteen years and two days ago when I asked her to marry me and she’s regretted it every day since.

We went to eat Thai food.  She got scallops/shrimp with cashew nuts, three stars out of four on the spiciness meter.  I got the Talay Thai (shrimp and roughy), with the heat pegged at 12 out of four stars.  They know me there and turn off all the safety features and just bring me what I ask for.

The waiter who delivered it was wincing/cringing.  His eyes were watering as he set my plate down.

To be fair, it was the second-hottest thing I’ve ever eaten.  My burps are corrosive enough to hurt my throat.  My guts are still in a state of upheaval.  Four hours later Cruel Wife kisses me and says “You’ve still got chilies on your lips – it burns!”  It physically hurt to eat it but I finished it.

****

Damn it.  I got one friend recently diagnosed with cancer and another still in surgery hopefully to get out of there into the ICU soon.  Update:  Out of surgery and looks to be doing fairly well – at least as far as cell-phone pics go.

Do you have to win some kind of lottery to have two very close friends in dire straights in one week?  Geez.

****

On my way here – I am doing a steampunk poster using chilies – I ran across a book title.  I’d like to not post what it is actually about but instead see what kinds of guesses you have.  Mine were sort of in the ball park but one planet over.

The Pornography Of Meat

Here you go…

The author of The Sexual Politics of Meat returns with an emotionally charged volume based on her traveling lecture-slide show. Adams, a crusader for the rights of women and animals (or, as she calls them, “nonhumans”) charges that both have long been portrayed as consumable, mouth-watering slabs of meat, and she provides graphic backup for her argument in the form of advertisements, signs, photographs and illustrations (e.g., “Strip Tease,” reads a billboard for a steak house).

Basically this is another nut who imagines that humans and animals are interchangeable and utterly equal across the board.

Women are more than just mouth-watering slabs of meat!  I give you some examples…

Excuse me while I find some napkins.  Anyway, did I clearly make my point?

You know how I know that the author’s PoM book is a pile of steaming crap?  Reviews like this one:

“Even readers who do not share Adams’s views should find themselves challenged and perhaps even enlightened by this unique work.” — Library Journal, May 15, 2003

Anytime someone says that a book will “challenge” me, it is a sure bet that it’s utter bullshit.  “Challenge” means that it’ll be a struggle not to toss it in the garbage or in the nearest wood-burning stove.

****

ps – if you want to use up 98 minutes of your life in a fruitless attempt at finding some new concept, deeper meaning, or a cheap thrill – do rent “Eden Log“.  That is 98 minutes that you will NEVER get back again.

I would rather suck the marrow out of my own living bones with a steel straw than subject myself to that again.

Read Full Post »

The Epidural Chronicles: Is There a Point?

Update 2:  Now evening.  Late evening.

Hurts like a bejeezus now that the anesthetic has completely worn off (hours ago, actually).   What I thought earlier was “worn off” was only “partially worn off”.   Damn.  And it’s going to be two more hours for a painkiller.

Mostly headache until I turn my head, tip it forward or back, or cock it to either side.  As long as I don’t do any of that shi… uh… stuff, I’m ok-.  Ish.   Did I mention two more hours?

As I was telling buddy Enas over at The Anomaly, it took me four epidurals to finally remember on #5 to ask the doc what he planned right before the procedure.

He walks in and I said “So Doc, what’s on the agenda?”  He briefly told me what he intended to do and then he knocked me out.   Based on my observed status, sensations, and side-effects he shot all manner of industrial  solvents into my neck… diesel, benzene, naptha, pure ethanol, and MEK.  Think he had some methylene chloride and acetone in there, too.

Maybe even a pinch of salt and some cayenne pepper to ‘wake things up’ a bit.

Two more hours… Time really passes slowly when you’re less than comfortable.   Spent ten days in the hospital once after a multiple compound fracture of my right arm.  It was a very very long ten days.  Longest thirty years of my life.   It’s better in this instance, though.  Two more hours will happen about six days from now.

Update: Got the shot this morning.

Up until about 45 minutes ago I had started to wonder if I was going to get away with a pain-free procedure.

Uh.  No.  The anesthetic wore off.

Galvanizing is a good word.  Bracing, strident, invasive, gripping, exquisite, and insistent are also good adjectives. The primary noun being pain.

Injection was middle of the neck between C6 and c7.  Just goes to show you what I know about medicine!

So I’m going to just sit here quietly, not moving a bit.  If I have to I’ll breathe now and then but that’s the limit.  I put on my diapers so I won’t even have to get up – I’ll just “go” right where I am at.  Kind of like gaming at a LAN party.

Oh yes… The Dude sent me this… where are your taxes going?

Next are meat business cards… beef jerky is nice and all, but put mine on a smoked rib, thank you.

****

Welp, the next big pain in the neck is tomorrow morning.

I couldn’t rightly tell you what the procedure will be with any more detail.  I do know that the symptoms indicate c5 and c6 involvement and then add in whatever headache problems indicate.   Pain along the sides of the neck (I’m told) are great diagnostics for joint condition – actually are the only manual indicator of issues there.

Ouchie - contrast material injected.

So the odds… out of four cervical epidural-type procedures, one was painful but bearable.  The other three were agonizing.  That means the odds of haing a painful day tomorrow are totally uncalculable.  Wouldn’t even hazard a guess.

Lots of really cool pictures here.  That is, they’re cool if it isn’t you they’re being done to.

****

Where do they find principals to do these dumb things?  Is it an accredited program, how to behave like an ass?  I don’t know, but there sure seem to be a high percentage of them.

Apparently a Scottish-ancestry boy is engaging in cross-dressing if he wears a kilt to school.  Oh yah, those highlanders are all evil sheephumping fags.  (note the dripping sarcasm, please)  What kind of moron couldn’t see that the kid handn’t done anything wrong?  Well this kind, of course…

Weber School District spokesman Nate Taggart says Craig Jessop has been asked to extend an apology to 14-year-old student Gavin McFarland of Hooper after the school official’s comments Wednesday.

****

What a bunch of racists over at Fox.

Three of the four Hubble spacewalks so far have been delayed by niggling problems, like stubborn bolts and objects that wouldn’t fit. A fifth and final spacewalk is set for Monday.

Did you see it?  Huh, did you?  It’s a story about the Hubble and they have to make it a racial thing.

Note:  If you couldn’t see that I was mocking the racial bedwetters then you need to find something more your speed, like Teletubbies.

Read Full Post »

This is a Surprise? PETA Freakshowcasings.

UPDATE:  PETA would probably see the cosmic joke in this post over at Brea Canyon Monument, a very enjoyable spot to browse if you like the world with a tilt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

I doubt “freakshowcasings” is really a word but it sounds to my ears enough like “sausage casings” that I’m willing to use it if it has any chance of pissing off a PETA member.  Freakshow, good word.  Showcase, good word.  So how can freakshowcasings be bad if it feels good and pisses PETA off?

I’m not going to let anyone go around abusing animals, because I think there’s very few things lower than a person who does that (perhaps syphilitic rats are lower, but even they are treatable).   This doesn’t mean that I’m gonna let some pasty-white anemic looking fruitcake tell me what I can and cannot eat.  Militant vegans just get under my skin.

I suggest y’all go and run right out to your local (insert_burger_joint_name_here) and order a triple-decker, double-cheese, extra mayo hamburger, sans vegetable of any kind.  And follow it up with jello made with real gelatin from animal parts.  Add an egg if they got ’em.  God meant us to eat animals.  We know that because they’re made out of meat.

Animal rights group turns its fire on celebrity meat-eaters

Animal rights protesters have launched a series of angry campaigns against A-list carnivores. They are shifting their focus from celebrities who wear fur to others who encourage the “exploitation” of animals by eating them. In its latest campaign, Peta – People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which became infamous for dousing fur-wearers in red paint – has launched an attack on the singer Jessica Simpson.

Ms Simpson was singled out for ridicule after she was spotted wearing a T-shirt bearing the slogan “Real Girls Eat Meat”, believed to be a light-hearted dig at her boyfriend Tony Romo’s vegetarian ex-girlfriend, Carrie Underwood.

Alistair Currie, a spokesman for Peta, said: “Jessica Simpson might have a right to wear what she wants, but she doesn’t have a right to eat what she wants – eating meat is about suffering and death. Some people feel like they are standing up against a tide of political correctness when they make a statement like this – what she is really doing is standing up for the status quo.”

The animal rights group doctored a photo of Ms Simpson to read “Only Stupid Girls Eat Meat”, and listed “five reasons only stupid girls eat meat”.

In May the group condemned the British actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers for admitting that he had tried dog meat while in China.

The Peta attacks are seen as a sign of the radicalisation of some vegetarian groups. They claim eating meat causes environmental destruction, damages human health and contributes to global hunger, as well as inflicting suffering on billions of animals. (more…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

While I’m being offensive, this is a good time to give a plug to a bumper sticker company – with stickers like this, they deserve more traffic  (get it?  traffic?  Heh heh heh… oh I kill me…):

http://www.bumpertalk.com/bumpertalk/BC230A.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

This came from Blue Crab Boulevard. Word to the wise for those in socialist countries or ones that are becoming so… invite every last damn kid in your class to your birthday party unless you want to be sued.

Read Full Post »