Posts Tagged ‘nine-inch’

This is not news.  Man has 9-inch fork removed from stomach.

He swallowed the fork several decades ago.  A nine-inch fork.  Swallowed.

Lee Gardner, 40, was taken to Barnsley Hospital in the U.K. after vomiting blood and suffering stomach cramps.

I stopped reading and asked Cruel Wife… Wait, do they mean an IQ of 40?  Must be, because he didn’t look a day under the age of 60.

Well, that is only to be expected, right?  Most people vomit blood and get a little crampy when they swallow a nine-inch plastic fork.

He said he was told the fork, which he swallowed 10 years ago, would pass through his system naturally so he did not think to mention it to doctors.

Yes, a doctor supposedly told him that the fork would pass naturally – a nine-inch plastic fork.

Let’s go over that again, worded differently:

Gardner said when he accidentally swallowed the fork 10 years ago, a doctor told him the utensil would pass through his system naturally, leading him to forget about the event.  – foxnews.com

Most people would view passing a nine-inch plastic fork with no small amount of trepidation, waiting for the magic moment at which his body would truly bid adieu to the offensive nine-inch plastic fork.
But this guy never noticed, and that leads me to question what his normal bowel movements are like.  I’m going to risk my reputation and guess that he’s never seen a single gram of fiber in his life.  His food pyramid has meat (meat), beer (grains), and water (only when necessary) and by all accounts his pyramid is roughly shaped like a morbidly obese giraffe.
Here is where I really shake my head…
Mr Gardner said he was playing around with the disposable fork in his mouth and gagged, accidentally swallowing it, but it had never caused him problems.
How do you play around with a nine-inch plastic fork and gag such that you accidentally swallow it?  Can anyone honestly say that they think this could happen to anyone?

What I really wonder is this… what in the hell is he not saying because it is more embarrassing than swallowing a nine-inch plastic fork?  It has to be bad enough that “playing around with [a nine-inch plastic fork]” and gagging, thereby ending up with it inside your insides seems like a preferable explanation.

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