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Posts Tagged ‘paranoia’

I have weturned… again.

My buddy Spaced Diode has been sailing to Bermuda and arrived there on Sunday.bmudaHe’s there now.  I begged him to let me go on the trip – it was five days non-stop sailing in shifts.  I said “Let me cook, or clean, or… I’ll be an anchor!  Yeah!  I’ll be an anchor and I’ll scrub the bottom of the boat while it’s underway!”

If I were still single or without kids I would have flown to Bermuda and made sure I was on the dock sipping a Dr. Pepper as he sailed up and said “Hey, where the $*#)(%^ have you been?”   It would rock him on his oh-so-rational-heels.

He was concerned about sea-sickness prior to leaving.  Said the Dramamine patch has been known to trigger psychoses.  (I suggested using three to five units at all times but no more than six because then, yes, there are some side effects bordering on a true psychotic break).  Then there was the concern about nasty-mannered whales and ballast-blowing submarines.

I promptly mentioned rogue waves, meteorite impacts in the ocean, tsunamis, giant squid, forests of jellyfish, and zombie manatees.

When he gets back we’re going to go on a 1-2 day sail on Lake Michigan.  Leave the wives and kids behind and enjoy two days of silence.  And talk about geeky shit.

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The Dept. of Homeland Insecurity assures us that laptops and phones can be searched based on hunches.  Note the wording and the order of said wording:

It contends limiting such searches would prevent the U.S. from detecting child pornographers or terrorists and expose the government to lawsuits.

Well, who doesn’t think it is a good idea to catch child-ped-pr0n’ers?  And while we’re at it we’ll catch terrorists, too!  So let us search your shit, too, you perv.  – TSA Commandant Sausagefingers McPhee as he genuflected towards Obama’s life-sized halo’ed marble statue (the one where he’s riding Karl Rove with a saddle and spurs)

This reminds me in a lot of ways of Mitchell’s favoritest movie – Blade Runner.  Deckard goes to meet a replicant named Zhora, who is a nude dancer and he is pretending to be an authority.

Deckard: I’m not here to make you join. No ma’am. That’s not my department. Actually, uh. I’m from the, uh, Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses.

Zhora: Committee of Moral Abuses?

Deckard: Yes, ma’am. There’s been some reports that the management has been taking liberties with the artists in this place.

Zhora: I don’t know nothing about it.

Deckard: Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?

Zhora: How do you mean, exploited?

Deckard: Well, like to get this job. I mean, did you do, or– or were you asked to do anything that’s lewd or unsavory or otherwise, uh, repulsive to your person, huh?

Zhora: Ha. Are you for real?

Deckard: Oh yeah. I’d like to check your dressing room if I may.

Zhora: For what?

Deckard: For, uh, for holes.

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If you’ve [done_something_here] and experienced five or more of the following symptoms, [snip] you’ve probably been [catastrophic_occurrence]: restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushed face, diuresis (having to pee a lot), gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, rambling flow of thought and speech, tachycardia or cardiac arrhythmia, periods of inexhaustibility or psychomotor agitation (unintentional motion, say, rapidly bouncing one leg).

So, what could cause all that?  It’d pretty much have to be high doses of cocaine or crystal meth, right?

No, the writers of the new Metrosexual DSM-V Psychiatric Guidelines apparently have a need, a physically-manifesting burning need that somehow mimics chlamydia, to add whole new sections so that most anyone can be classified as at least something.  That something will either have an ObamaCare billing code attached to it – OR – it will have a flag that makes you ineligible to be a legal owner of a weapon.  That is my supposition, based on absolutely nothing other than full-fledged paranoiac tendencies fueled by lots of…  you’ll see.

That description above is the description for drunk on caffeine.  The syndrome?

In December 2011 when caffeine withdrawal was announced as being “recommended for inclusion” in the DSM-5, work-group member Alan J. Budney attempted to address the controversy:

“We feel that there is enough data to support a caffeine-withdrawal syndrome. There are enough people who go into withdrawal — that if they don’t get caffeine, it becomes a real syndrome and can affect work, sleep, or whatever they need to do. So we’re suggesting that it ‘make the big leagues’ and become part of the DSM to make sure everyone is aware of it.”

Caffeine withdrawal is a mental disorder.

I call BS, because I am at this very moment chilling down from a long workday with an 8oz Red Bull™.  If I was mentally disordered it would be at least a 12oz size.

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They say that this is a dog and not a fleecy towel with a nose sewn on.

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Apparently kittens can be disabled and make us look like whiny bastard pieces of shit without even trying.  But they do it cutely.

This kitten has been nicknamed ‘Squitten’ after being born with a deformity in her front paws that means she sits and walks on her hind legs like a squirrel.
Petal, a five-month-old, suffers from a rare condition that means she has no bones after the elbow joint in her front legs so they are permanently bent inwards.
She is unable to run like other felines and has no choice but to either waddle on her rear legs or slouch forward onto her crooked limbs.

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Some sort of flu or cold or something.  I know it involves 36+ hours of horrible cheek and brow pain (sinuses), lots of coughing (lungs, duh), and joint pain.  Fever.  Did I forget the fever?

Praying the family doesn’t get it.  I went into this thinking “Yep, just gonna tough this out, I’ll be fine.”

Day 1:  Can’t… stop… coughing… it’s like… I have… a… wet… kitten… in my lungs.

Day 2:  Yep, it’s uncomfortable but that never stopped nobody, right?  Just means I’m ALIVE.  HA!  Where’s that cold medicine?  Whaddya mean I took some only an hour ago?

Day 3:  Damn, no painkiller I have works on this face pain.  (And I still have plenty of painkillers, none do a damn thing)  Damn. And it hurts bad.  And it doesn’t stop.  Ow.  *$(# me.  102F fever.  Huh.

Day 4: (4:30am) Almost fell asleep, damn cat yowled just as I fell asleep.  %&@(!@ cat.  If it is so cold in here why are the sheets sticking to me?

Day 5: (today) You know how I said I was going to work tomorrow?  Uh, about that…  Hey, are solid clumps of blood supposed to come out your sinuses?  Ew.

So maybe I had a mild case of Ebola.  Who knows?

I do know that I can’t hear jack shit.  Luckily I can read lips so if Cruel Wife wants me to understand all she has to do is get my attention and we can go from there.  Seriously, there’s so much crap in my ears I can’t hear hardly anything.  And my hearing sucked before…

I do know that after the last five years I hate doctors.  When I can’t fight them off you can take me to see one.

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Oh yes… about the continued erosion of your rights.  Michigan DNR invades farms, forces farmers to kill stock personally while they watch.

Seriously.

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Oh, about those toys you need… here they are.   Greatest toy in the universe might be stretching it if you are a guy past the age of puberty and discovered girls but hell, this might even come third place.  Six legged r/c robots.

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It’s not really paranoia if they are truly out to get you.  You could be wrong, but what if you’re not?  Door alarm!

What kid couldn’t have used this one growing up?

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If I had tried this excuse to get out of a ticket I’d have been nailed for being a smartass.  proofofinnocence

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Getting Silly.

Note:  No secret I’ve been feeling pretty awful, and it shows this week.  I’m just getting worn down slowly so I’ve got little or no desire to do art, or bs, or hell, even watch TV.  Consider this another “maintenance post”.

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Ok, I’m as susceptible as the next guy to being suspicious of my gov’t, and that is a good thing.  You’re an idiot if you trust your government.

But, there was this link from Drudge – an article by Bob Barr.

What the HELL is he smoking?  It’s causing dain bramage whatever it is.

Census workers can enter your apartment in your absence.

No, the reality is they can try and be arrested for trespassing or shot like any other intruder.

Yes, I do happen to think anything past Question #2 on the census is none of their damn business, intrusive, and the subtle form of reverse discrimination that is all the rage these days.  Your gov’t does not need to know your race in order to function.  Sorry.

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This here is some pretty amazing and tough asparagus, a tribute to it’s species, and a one-in-a-million thing.

God, I want to eat it.

Yeah, ok so the asphalt was only 30mm thick – that’s like 1-1/4 inches.  Not that big a deal.  I’m just hungry for grilled asparagus.

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I’m not even rich, and after Hillary Clinton uttered this about the rich not paying their fair share, I wanted to bitch slap the ****.   That’s a nice as I can say it.  I’m tired of listening to rich democrats demonize people for being successful and using that mischaracterization to mislead poorer voters (along with outright wealth-redistributive bribery) so they can broker and maintain power.

Ok, yeah, when I start talking like this it means I’m not feeling great. I’ll shut up now.

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No.  Wait.  One more.

Obama’s counterterrorism adviser

The president’s top counterterrorism adviser on Wednesday called jihad a “legitimate tenet of Islam,” arguing that the term “jihadists” should not be used to describe America’s enemies.

During a speech at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, John Brennan described violent extremists as victims of “political, economic and social forces,” but said that those plotting attacks on the United States should not be described in “religious terms.”

Oh, just go read the hand-wringing idiot’s apologetics.

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