Posts Tagged ‘slim jims’

According to the Happy Anniversary card Cruel Wife gave me, the “Standard Schedule of Anniversary Gifts”…

1st: Paper
2nd: Plastic
3rd: Caulking
4th: Talc
5th: Duct Tape ™
6th: Styrofoam ™
7th: PVC
8th: Gelatin
9th: Latex
10th: Naugahyde ™
11th: Rayon
12th: Spackle ™
13th: Fiberglass
14th: Oil
15th: Salt
16th: Cortisone

I got a card (the aforementioned one) with a small tube of cortisone inside.  Funny, I thought I’d be getting something like “Terry Cloth” (#31).  It just seems like so much longer than 16 years.  The fun kind of longer.  Yeah.

Plus, I got a bouquet from Cruel Wife. Because I’m not a fan of flowers (read: I hate them) she did a manly-man’s bouquet.

Yes, that is a “vase” made of a full roll of duct-tape, a Red Bull can (shredded), a full can of Red Bull, pork rinds, lots of dead cow in various forms, and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Cheezy Poofs.

And gummy bears, cheezits, bbq potato chips, and Habanero Slim Jims.

If I understand it right people got a laugh out of what she was doing during lunch (building me a bouquet).

My present to her?  I shared my teriyaki jerky, a slim jim, a bunch of gummy bears, and some pork rinds.  I know – I’m a keeper, right?

I’ll be honest, for some reason every year except one I think it is on the 25th.  I don’t forget, I just get the day wrong, which ought to count for something.   And before you bash me silly on that issue, she forgot it entirely one year, until she showed up at home and asked why I had the fancy dinner all made up from scratch.

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