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Posts Tagged ‘spam’

Update:  cbullitt posted a graphic of mine to celebrate his 16,000th spam.

I had fun with this one.  A bit jaggy if you zoom in on FemSpamBot but if you keep your distance it smooths out.

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I bet the baby ones taste even better.

Thanks to The Dude – aka “Wilson”, for pointing this one out.

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Laconic Pup brought this to my attention with the subject line:  Navy 1, Terrorists 0.

THIS is how I want my tax dollars spent… effectively.

New photos released Friday show what the U.S. Navy says is the aftermath of suspected pirates attacking a Sierra Leone-flagged tanker this week in the Somali Basin.

The confrontation between the MV Evita and two suspected pirate skiffs was disrupted by the U.S. Navy destroyer, USS Farragut, according to the U.S Navy. The suspected bandits’ “mother skiff” was destroyed and sunk.

“The pirates have become bolder and are attacking ships further away from the Somali shores,” said Rear Adm. Bernard Miranda of the Singapore navy.

The Evita fired flares and sped up to ward off the attackers, who were armed with rifles and rocket-propelled grenades.

Coalition forces were summoned by the International Maritime Bureau in Kuala Lumpur and the UK Maritime Trade Operations office in Dubai, who received a call of aid from the Evita.

The Evita was also assisted by a Swedish vessel, which located the suspected pirates’ skiffs and witnessed them throwing equipment overboard.

Farragut coalition forces found 11 suspected pirates aboard the skiffs, along with fuel drums and grappling hooks.

Coalition forces released the suspected pirates after making sure they couldn’t attack again.

It’s that last sentence… the best way I can think to ensure that they couldn’t attack again would be to gouge their eyes out and crush their fingers.

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Cruel Wife’s Paw…

I don’t mean the in-laws, who are here for more days yet.

Nope, Cruel Wife had carpal tunnel surgery today.  Post-op I’m sitting in back with her as she de-groggified, and threatened messy divorce if I did an April Fool’s on the nurse.

I was going to pull off her heartbeat/O2 monitor and shout “She’s having a seizure!!”

The nurses, being the jolly lot they are would have laughed a lot but CW was having none of it.

I suggested “Nurse, is she supposed to be bleeding all over?”  and that was quickly shot down, too.

My final suggestion was to holler “GOD-DAMN, is that a ****ing RAT???”

Cruel Wife likes to say she has a sense of humor but not really.

She’s resting comfortably.  Sort of.

You wouldn’t believe the running to and fro I’m doing for this tyrant.

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How to be a Stellar Spammer

Note:  The topic of the post is the second item below this amazingly weird snippet…

For a certain segment of the population, they don’t need to take the MMPI (personality test).  Everything you need to know about them – and the answer to “should they be locked up?” (yes, without hesitation).

Making a teddy bear from your child’s placenta.

placentateddy****

I am addicted to Shin Cups.  Yes, there you have it.  I am Lemur King and I am addicted to Shin Cups.  I eat one every day. Every time a new person comes on board at my company, they get a complimentary Shin Cup – the first one is free.

And I use chopsticks.  A billion plus orientals slurping noodles with sticks can’t be wrong.  Actually it is MUCH less messy using chopsticks and impresses the hell out of the chicks.  Like that matters in the least – guess how many engineering chicks there are in the world?  Well, I married one of them and they stopped tracking the other one years ago when she chewed the transmitter out of her arm.

So anyway, I happened upon this not-new posting about a new breed of chopsticks – The Chork.

chork

Bless those Geekologie.com folks…

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There seem to be a few rules that really generate strong returns for spammers.  They are worth reading because I really respond well to these, myself.

  1. do not use capital letters or punctuation because they distract
  2. Incomplete sentences best
  3. Grammer suck ass
  4. Make the e:mail to an individual from that individual
  5. Use catchy personal hooks like “shoot her in bed all night” or “First Class Hardons” or “Make Your Zipper Prominent.  Make Your Python Active.”
  6. Appeal to the reader’s insecurities:  “Target Her G-spot!” or “Impotent Info” – because this stuff really is effective
  7. Share knowledge like “Best Lust Recipe” or “Recipe of Hotter Lust”
  8. Be endearing:  “Please Read, My Friend”
  9. Make sure the spam appears to be coming from the recipient’s boss, requesting a homosexual tryst.
  10. Send the same exact e:mail twice.
  11. Send the same exact e:mail twice.
  12. NEVER use spel check:  “Hey, read this rigth now!”
  13. Tell the recipient the obvious:  “New message received.”
  14. Add “-inator” to any word in the subject line.
  15. Be obscure about… you know.
  16. Use symbolics:  “Hi m8!”
  17. Use the word “herbs” in the subject line.
  18. Use nonsense sentences:  “My Revenge for Schollyears.”
  19. Tell me about bad things:  “Your membership stopped”
  20. Get manic about euphemisms:  “Hoisters for your Pork-Lever” or “Become her drillosaur!”
  21. Shock:  “Ronald McDonald Gangbanged”
  22. Interest them with a mystery: “Guess who I am.”
  23. Fear:  “You’re fired.”
  24. Appeal to the inner miser in your audience:  “Up to 75% on Rolex”
  25. Curiosity:  “What Jolie’s underwear hides.”    (It’s a advert for cosmetics.  So I hear.)

Just a few simple rules.  You too can succeed.

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I geeked out.  A nerd-shwing to the 10^5 power.

Digital Rat Brains.  Who knew that simulating the murine brain could lead to self-organization of the structure?  (I’m so geeked I need a cigarette and a shower)

How much power does the human brain require to operate?  (about 20 Watts)

Lastly, use this op-ed for a basis of a cool discussion.  Swine Flu Conspiracy.

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Ok, this is a lot like bitching for compensation when the free software you are using isn’t working right.

ACORN sues over unconstitutional funding cuts by congress:

Representatives for ACORN sued the federal government Thursday morning in an attempt to regain the millions of dollars in funding the community organizing group lost after filmmakers videotaped its workers offering advice on how to commit tax fraud and various other felonies.

The suit charges Congress with violating the Constitution when it passed legislation in September that specifically targeted ACORN to lose federal housing, education and transportation funds.

Uhhhhh… giving funding in the first place isn’t constitutional, so we really ought not be going there.

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This morning dawned bright and cheery, the kids were animated and happy, the birds were singing (I assume, because I can’t hear them), the wife and dog were joyous, and I woke up in a foul black heartless mood.

No, the epidural didn’t give much relief.

It told us something, which is there are spots that aren’t causing pain, exactly, but are binding my neck up.  Other spots are causing pain.  So the 24/7 headache and neckache continue.  Distressing is the arm pain and numbness.

Came in to work to find The Dude wearing a mask and gloves.   The Porcine Flu?  Nope.  Just a cold.  For fun we will either refer to it as the West Ebola Listeria Nile Pox or Porcine Flu.  I tried to tell him that (1) this mask is scary, and (2) it won’t prevent him from being a plague vector.

barack-obama-mask

Freddy Krueger was never this scary.

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All the back-slapping going on is going to stop before too long, when the Law of Unintended Consequences rears it’s ugly head.

The Fed Grins.

The self-congratulatory rhetoric will reach a fevered pitch, never acknowledging the horrible price that we have only deferred by all this “too big to fail” talk.  The cows will come home to roost.

No one who has had even peripheral involvement in the housing bubble or it’s travesty of a solution has any right to be proud or exuberant.

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Over at Bloomberg, there was a good op-ed:

Writers who are not pro-Barack Obama are suffering character assassination as well. George Will of the Washington Post, the nation’s senior conservative columnist, has been so assaulted by bloggers that his editor, Fred Hiatt, recently wrote, “I would think folks would be eager to engage in the debate, given how sure they are of their case, rather than trying to shut him down.”

It seems that the democrat/liberal viewpoint is “openness and inclusiveness unless you’re dissenting because our stance is well-reasoned and there is no logical alternative”.

Indeed, he closer the Democrats get to total power, the nastier the commentators friendly to them have become.

It really is as if a great wellspring of hatred has been uncapped and is allowed to flow freely now that checks and restraints are (mostly) taken away.

I don’t mind hatred, loathing, disdain… but let’s at least be dignified and civilized.

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More spam fun!

Messages waiting for me:

  • Re: Doctor Zulma Ruegsegger discount 68% for…
  • Customer Receipt/Purchase Confirmation
  • What the doctor ordered
  • Re:  SALE 70% OFF on Pfizer
  • Are you on car?

Don’t know a Doctor Zulma, haven’t purchased anything lately, don’t care what the doctor ordered, I don’t shop at Pfizer, and I’m on muscle relaxants and narcotics, not “car”.

Strangely, I sent all those e:mails myself, to myself.

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