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Posts Tagged ‘surgeon’

In the mailbag:

Dear Dr. Lemur –

My cousin has asked me to become their friend on FaceBook.  I think she is a soul-less heartless monster for the way she has screwed one of her brother’s kids out of his inheritance and feel towards her exactly the way this quote puts it:

If I’d known my niece was going to turn out as she has, I would have gotten my sister a dingo for a baby shower present.  – leeann (a blogger)

Except I feel that someone should have sent the dingo to my aunt, instead – maybe even two dingoes just to be sure the job had been done.

What should I do?

Signed,

Wary Kitty in Kalamazoo

Dr. Lemur:  Well, Kitty, a little constructive criticism would do wonders, so if I may offer some that could provide you with needed assistance…?  Kitty, listen carefully because this is important, get a grip on your shoulders and pull your head out of your ass.  Just because this radioactive hose-beast is “family” by no means obligates you to have anything to do with her.

Take two Midol, grow a spine, and tell the creature to take a hike.

****

I’ll say this:  I don’t know why I chose the title I did.  Don’t try to make sense of it.

I can tell you that there is great news and that is that I had a consulting surgeon, probably one of ten in the country, who said that he loves surgery but doesn’t want to cut me open because he doesn’t think it will help.

“Sure, if you go see more surgeons one will cut you open, but I wouldn’t do it,” he said.

“Well, thank you, doc,” said I, and Cruel Wife sighed a sigh of relief along with me.

But, he says, the type of injury is most likely soft-tissue injury that’s just not healed and it’s referred pain.

I don’t know, perhaps that is code for “No idea what’s doing it,” but when I asked him “So you’re telling me that this is not in my head?” he said “Oh, no, it’s real.”

So, in some ways it is great news but in other ways we’re back to square one, with no real solution.  Regardless, I am going to see a longer-term pain management and I’m going to insist that we do something, anything, to manage this without the opiate-based painkillers which are just (a) not good for long-term pain control, and (b) a real pain in the ass for an engineer.  There are other solutions that are being used in Europe and I’ll bring that up with him but my first choice is what can we do to change the referred stuff.  For whatever reason, ligaments in my neck have impersonated my left arm and hand, and are doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme crappy job of the whole affair.

****

Hey, if you haven’t seen it, check out the movie “Aaah! Zombies!!” (Wasting Away).   How can you not like a movie where the story is from the zombie’s perspective and the “agent of change” is green goo in a barrel labeled “Baby Formula” that is then mixed into soft-serve ice-cream that uses cheap beer as an ingredient?  You can’t, I say.

****

How much longer to we have to put up with Team Obama, again?

I’m experiencing failure to achieve liftoff in my guesses as to how they could alienate struggling and out-of-work families even more than they already have.  Then there are the fortunates like my family that still chafe at having to pay a lot of money to support everyone else (we are comfortable but we are not rich, nor do we feel secure in this economy).  And then there are the affluent who are probably getting tired of being Obama’s financial whipping-boy – whenever he gets blamed for something he talks about how evil the rich are and how raising their taxes even more is really just them paying their fair share.

This is enough to make one ill, especially when you think what, for example, $1000 means to you personally.  Now think about how many people who pay thousands of dollars (at a minimum) in taxes while these classless clowns could get their African Vacation.  A lot of people haven’t had a proper vacation in years because of the economy, or even had a job… Sure being President is a hard job and the family of the President does have stress, but you can’t tell me they are more stressed than the family that is getting foreclosed on and hasn’t yet figured out where they can go.

Although ignored by most of America’s liberal-dominated media, several online US news sites are reporting that Michelle Obama’s grand tour of southern Africa earlier this year cost American taxpayers nearly half a million dollars – and that’s just for the flights. This follows in the wake of claims this August from sources inside the White House itself that the First Lady may have spent “$10 million of taxpayers’ money on vacations alone in the past year.”  – Nile Gardiner

Live it up, douchebags.  Your first-term presidency time is running out and the election is growing nearer every day.  I doubt a second term is in the stars.

****

The idea of mountain coasters (mini rollercoasters on mountainsides) makes me think of Action Park (aka Traction Park).

It sounds like a GREAT idea!  What could go wrong?

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But I’ll take any luck you might casually throw out on the curb and take it home to line my house with.

Yes, ending a sentence with a preposition… very bad…

I go see the surgeon in about an hour.  See if they can fix my neck.  Discs sucked out by needle (preferred), discs cut out by knife in various ways, or by fusion of vertebrae.

It’s all rather distasteful but so’s putting up with this constellation of symptoms pointing at the offending parts, pain and numbness being foremost.  I guess Yog-sothoth and Nyarlhotep weren’t going to go down without getting a few more painful Old Gods into the act.  (taobmaetS ooGcM, you will have to help me here where I’ve gotten the mythos wrong)

I don’t much care anymore as long as they fix it, or do something.

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Hellboy will henceforth be known as Franken-Stein.  I argued for Freak-n-Stein and Cruel Wife wanted (but nixed) Frakk-n-Stein.  Note that the pronunciation will follow that of one of my favoritest movies, Young Frankenstein, where it sounds thusly:   FRONK-en-steen.

Igor: Dr. Frankenstein…
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: “Fronkensteen.”
Igor: You’re putting me on.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it’s pronounced “Fronkensteen.”
Igor: Do you also say “Froaderick”?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No… ”Frederick.”
Igor: Well, why isn’t it “Froaderick Fronkensteen”?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn’t; it’s “Frederick Fronkensteen.”
Igor: I see.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
[He pronounces it ee-gor]
Igor: No, it’s pronounced “eye-gor.”
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was “ee-gor.”
Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren’t they?

Young_Frankenstein_movie_poster

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I’ll take the one in the turban. [Igor growls and grabs Madeline Kahn’s fox stole in his teeth.]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.

The scar looks kinda narsty.  We’re going to run it by the pediatrician and see if she feels like a plastique surgeon sounds like a good idea.

I like the term plastique surgeon.  It sounds very upper-crust.  We’re not upper crust.  Not lower crust, either.  We’re more of the gooey starch-thickened gravy layer of a turkey pot pie.  Gooey-er than the pic below but you get the idea.

****

I bought a new card game for Cruel Wife … Killer Bunnies.  Pretty damned hilarious.

box_blueAny game where you can wipe out the other player’s bunnies with the “Dueling Grandmas” card, the “Mob Hit” card, or the “Plant Spores” cards… well, it’s twisted enough for me to play and enjoy it.  Who knows?  We might even play it together.

****

Social Security has spent $700K of your tax dollars on a conference at a resort – tickets, hotels, dancers…

NEW UPDATES:
Social Security responds after $700K Phoenix conference
Congress demands answers after conference
Social Security says it was to reduce stress

You know… my stress level skyrocketed just now.

Of course congress is the last group capable of being a pool of candidates for “ethical oversight”.    Look for Pelosi to pull a “nothing quite so righteous as a reformed whore” grandstand act.

****

I’m glad my boy is no longer Hellboy because even just the name is too much nearly in common with this freak.

An British man who swindled the equivalent of $5,719 in benefits to make himself look like the Devil was yesterday banned from prowling the streets at night.

Dad-of-two Gavin Paslow was slapped with the curfew when he appeared before magistrates under his new name Diablo Delenfer.

Afterwards he told how he had spent the cash on surgery giving him fangs, a forked tongue and even horns.

He wears green reptilian contact lenses and usually has a pointed beard. But he said: “I shaved that off before the case to look respectable.

Oh yeah, that’s going to help.

****

As mentioned on Drudge and now The Hill.

The chairman of the Senate Democratic Policy Committee quashed an effort by the Treasury Department to hire a cartoonist after the link to the job ad was posted on the Drudge Report.

Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) contacted the Treasury Department to complain after Matt Drudge’s website linked to a want ad for contractors with the “ability to create cartoons on the spot about [Bureau of the Public Debt] jobs.”

The cartoonist was sought to provide presentations for the bureau’s management meetings, according to the ad.

Why go through FedBizOpps for a humorist when we have Biden?

There’s enough cartoonish buffoonery and laughable material for many hours of weepage and laughter.

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