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Posts Tagged ‘Toys’

Some sort of flu or cold or something.  I know it involves 36+ hours of horrible cheek and brow pain (sinuses), lots of coughing (lungs, duh), and joint pain.  Fever.  Did I forget the fever?

Praying the family doesn’t get it.  I went into this thinking “Yep, just gonna tough this out, I’ll be fine.”

Day 1:  Can’t… stop… coughing… it’s like… I have… a… wet… kitten… in my lungs.

Day 2:  Yep, it’s uncomfortable but that never stopped nobody, right?  Just means I’m ALIVE.  HA!  Where’s that cold medicine?  Whaddya mean I took some only an hour ago?

Day 3:  Damn, no painkiller I have works on this face pain.  (And I still have plenty of painkillers, none do a damn thing)  Damn. And it hurts bad.  And it doesn’t stop.  Ow.  *$(# me.  102F fever.  Huh.

Day 4: (4:30am) Almost fell asleep, damn cat yowled just as I fell asleep.  %&@(!@ cat.  If it is so cold in here why are the sheets sticking to me?

Day 5: (today) You know how I said I was going to work tomorrow?  Uh, about that…  Hey, are solid clumps of blood supposed to come out your sinuses?  Ew.

So maybe I had a mild case of Ebola.  Who knows?

I do know that I can’t hear jack shit.  Luckily I can read lips so if Cruel Wife wants me to understand all she has to do is get my attention and we can go from there.  Seriously, there’s so much crap in my ears I can’t hear hardly anything.  And my hearing sucked before…

I do know that after the last five years I hate doctors.  When I can’t fight them off you can take me to see one.

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Oh yes… about the continued erosion of your rights.  Michigan DNR invades farms, forces farmers to kill stock personally while they watch.

Seriously.

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Oh, about those toys you need… here they are.   Greatest toy in the universe might be stretching it if you are a guy past the age of puberty and discovered girls but hell, this might even come third place.  Six legged r/c robots.

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It’s not really paranoia if they are truly out to get you.  You could be wrong, but what if you’re not?  Door alarm!

What kid couldn’t have used this one growing up?

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If I had tried this excuse to get out of a ticket I’d have been nailed for being a smartass.  proofofinnocence

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Was reading a funny editorial about a lady who went to Walgreens and started seeing it as a sex-toy store.

Then I went over to McGoo’s and saw this Steampunk Vaporinatorinator.  Waycool.

Then it hit me… Steampunk Sex Toys and Products.

Very first crack – gotta go to bed…

It hasn’t been aged, dirt mapped, adjusted in tone, and I want to put it in Scribus and make an old time advert out of it, with sepia tone and period text.

But you do recognize it as an extendible condom with a pressure gauge, right?

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More USB madness. I keep a-swearin’ I’m not going to go poking around yet I do. I swear I’ll never do this again as long as I live. And THIS time, I mean it.

I’ll never buy one for myself but I’ll watch others do so. Perhaps there’s a 12 Step program… Hi, I’m Lemur King and I’m a USB Voyeur.

Really, I’m going to check myself in for USB addiction. I can lick this.

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If you know me at all, you know I’m a SteamPunk fan. Yes, I know it is passe. Get off my back and let me have some fun in my life, eh? It’s not illegal, I’m not hurting anyone, and I put food on the table. (That, my friends, is melodrama.)

SteamPunk Meets USB

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Warning, adult, uh… equipment… is on this page. Strangely it is #1. It does include the George Foreman grill on the list, which is BS, so don’t go e:mailing me about it. There is another device on the page that might work if you are willing to settle for a battery life of about 10 minutes and smoky chips in you ‘puter.

UPDATE: The #1 item referred to above seems to not be in stock but you can google the appropriate (and entirely obvious) words yourself and find other similar natured things. (How bizarre.)

USB “Things

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Another site has a use for a USB mouse that I never would have pictured. They just don’t seem to be dual-use like that, you know? You’ll just have to go look for this one yourself.

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This is older and it doesn’t look like you can get them anymore, but I swear, it is the strangest one I’ve seen yet. The humping dog USB device.

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I was wrong. The USB Claw wins.

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If you’re a Luddite like me… yes, I know, aerospace + optics + mechanics + engineer <> Luddite (usually). Well, this is a perfect nod towards the simpler days.

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I guess there’s just no truth in advertising.

This quote is the kicker, though:

in treating the case as a breach of contract, the ruling was decried by critics who said it undermined decades of progress in women’s rights.

WHAT women’s rights, when it comes to the hardline Muslim stance? Beating wives? Killing the rape victim? Disfigurement?

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Again, Obama says that the current administration is doing it wrong and he’ll do it different but declines to give real examples. If he debates or travels with McCain he’s going to get eaten alive.

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Holy CRAP!  Poor kid.

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I sense that there is some love of things USB. Ok, the grill was OTT (Over The Top, and as it turns out, thanks to a vigilant reader… BOGUS) Now look at what can be found in the nether regions of the web. And I’m not just talking anywhere, we’re talking nether regions. Lowest common denominator on some, cool stuff on others, but none of which the world would miss if they disappeared. At least I think so.

What can you say to this? What can you add to improve it? Nothing. It is perfect for what it is suited for. (IMHO, not much.)


USB Pole Dancer

Another item that I desperately want to hate, but am in lust with it. It holds one normal-sized can of pop.


USB Fridge

We are talking epitome of Japanese design, if I understand it right. It creeps me out.


USB Food Hub

Text from the Website: Weirdo Japanese company Solid Alliance is no stranger to weird USB gadgets, but this USB FoodHub is the best thing they’ve ever done. By far.

If you take a close look, you’ll see that the rice is a 4-port USB 2.0 hub, and the four other things (pudding, chicken, and two bits of seafood) are USB sticks. Together, they form something so awesome that the USDA changed its name to the United States Department of Awesome just to regulate the import and export of it.

The USB Humping Dog unit should make whining and panting noises as it transfers data (ok, that was bad). And yes, it does rob us of whatever dignity we still had intact after the pole dancer. Imagine you have this and your mom comes in and sees a pooch humping your port. Get the idea?


USB Humping Dog

Typing “Aid” (my fuzzy ass) This would last about 10 minutes before I took it out back, taped it to a cinderblock wall with duct tape, and ran into it repeatedly with my bumper.


Adult Content Warning!!! I include it to show you just how bizarre the world of USB toys has gotten.

No pictures will be shown. Follow the link if you want to but I ain’t posting it.
Extremely Adult

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Anyone have a preference between these next two versions? Meant to be viewed at larger size because at smaller size the blade tips on the circular saw blade don’t show up well. (click on them – same with the bear)

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