Posts Tagged ‘virtual’

Working on Tools that Must Not be Suffered to Live at the moment.

But first a quick rant…

I’ve had Norton (AV) bitching at me every half hour about files that I know are darned well infected but they are safe where I can see ’em.  It’s like herpes except your computer is never going to have outbreaks.

So it kept annoying me.  And finally I decided to do something about it.  One-click assistance!  It scans your system!  It connects you!  And there’s this pic of some guy named Nathan!  He’s obviously not from India.

So I spent a few minutes writing and kept getting sort of normal answers but just odd enough that I thought “This guy lives in his mom’s basement, has never touched boobies, and probably doesn’t look anything like the picture plastered on this web-page”.   But still, putting a face on the name was a nice touch, I thought.

And then, after the oddest answer yet from the idiot, then came the Twilight Zone moment where in fine print (4pt font) right below Nathan’s picture… were the words “Virtual Assistant”.

I sent a verynastygram to Norton, explaining how (a) It Pissed Me Off, (b) it accomplished nothing in helping me fix my problem, and (c) It Pissed Me Off.   I should bill them for my time.

Graphics coming soon.  Check back later.

Here you go… horrific tool #1… it should not be suffered to live.  That’s one for you, Aggie.

I was asking Cruel Wife for some ideas.  I said “Ok, think of a really manly tool that could be made horrific by applying My Pretty Pony to it.”

CW:  A machete?

LK:  Oooh, good one!

LK:  Perhaps Care Bears… there’s thousands of them, right?  Strung-Out Bear, Hatchet Bear, and… hmmm… Egregious Bear

CW:  A hammer?

LK:  I was thinking of a nail gun but that might be kind of complicated.

CW:  What about a BBQ?

LK:  Hey!  You know, it’s all fun and games until you start messing with things that shouldn’t be messed with.  That wasn’t funny.  Not at all.

CW:  Oooh!  Someone is sensitive!

LK:  Some things you shouldn’t mess with.  That is one of them.


I need only pass on to you the last paragraph and you will have a full incomplete vision of the entire story.

Investigating officers determined the man had taken the steamroller for a joyride and lost control. The steamroller tipped over on him. The man had been drinking, police say.

Emergency surgery, serious leg injury, pinned, blah blah blah…


The story is days old now, a bit stale as my proof-reader/editor might say, but Go Topless should be encouraged more (for qualifying individuals).   Apparently there’s a big to-do in August.

Author’s note:  I have children.  I could in no way actually condone this sort of behavior publicly.  Nope, can’t support it.

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