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Posts Tagged ‘Weekly World News’

Tuesday Update:

This just in… Those wascally French! Terror in the skies! Someone needs to take this pilot aside and calmly, gently, and with heartfelt emotion, inform him that they are saddened by his behavior and that they are going to have to watch him pick up every last one of his teeth with broken fingers.

Passenger jet makes terrifying 10,000ft climb to dodge another plane because pilot was ‘showing off’ to a child.
This shows poor judgment.

Second Tuesday Update:

Josef Fritzl, a monster, continues to horrify the world with his behavior.

Now, on to your regularly scheduled post…

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[Note: Be patient, and your perseverance will be rewarded, for the graphic is down below, but do read the accompanying material.]

Let us, gentle reader, hearken back to a moment faded as though through the mists of time… the year is 1993.

It is a time of a more care-free existence, one marred mostly by The Great Prevaricator and his First Hag. It was a time when gas was still cheap, the term “metrosexual” hadn’t been invented (1994), and terrorists were more like a couple of malcontent high schoolers than true assholes.

We were living off of the fruits of trickle-down economics, and had not yet really begun to miss the Gipper, not like we were in the coming years. Things had been better, but on the whole things were good and we were at peace with ourselves.

In short, life was like Big Rock Candy Mountain. (where the bulldogs all have rubber teeth)

In 1993 a curious thing happened. Suddenly the small town of Grant’s Pass, Oregon (Pop. 30,930 in 2006) had it’s collective IQ drop by a staggering 26% instantly, leaving it unable to carry on even the most routine of tasks for a period of roughly 14 hours. Miraculously no one died but there were several catastrophic personal hygiene incidents surrounding a number of citizens thought to be critically compromised in grey matter in the first place.

What happened to cause this precipitous decline? One could ponder most of a day and on into the night and still come no closer to the awful truth: The Mountain Men Anonymous Club initiation had gone wrong – horribly horribly awry, in fact. Read the article below for the full account of the root cause of the Brown-Note Spring of ’93, if you dare.

Warning: The contents you may be about to read may be disturbing and graphic or just plain hilarious in nature. This blog is not responsible for any liquids that may be spewed onto your monitor or keyboard nor severe cramps due to laughter or nausea. You have been warned.

Click Graphic to Enlarge

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