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Posts Tagged ‘wife’

Update: Hillary: I’m Very Relaxed.

That’s the botox speaking.

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Say you are being questioned just prior to going to your eternal reward, wherever that might be… and the conversation goes like this:

So, you broke into someone’s house, went to drag the gal upstairs, and… what?  Fiancee got in the way?  You tussled?

She ran out of the room?  You don’t say…

And then she came back into the room with a pink .38 and blew you away?

Jeez, dude.  How about dying with a bit more dignity than that?  Oh, I don’t know – there’s many ways you could have gone that would have left you with more self-respect.  Like having a heart attack while engaged in amorous relations with a cow?

A pink gun.  Only thing worse would be to have been shot by a Hello Kitty AR-15.

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On Fark… MESSENGER related, I assume…

NASA spacecraft now circling massive object that is not your wife, despite being super-hot on one side and super-cold on the other

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I can make two comments based on the statements by the mother of one of the civilian-murdering Army fellas (Morlock).

Morlock’s mother, in an interview with The Seattle Times, blames much of her son’s plight on a failure of Army leaders to oversee the platoon’s behavior and actions.

“I think the government is just playing these guys as scapegoats. The leaders dropped the ball. Who was watching over all this?” Audrey Morlock said.

  1. How insulting to men and women in uniform, that she seems to think that like little children they need constant supervision.
  2. Her weird comment about using the killers as scapegoats – is it so hard to imagine that her son is more than a little “damaged goods”?

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Granny get your gun.

What is it with women and .38’s today.  (let’s stay away from the joke about the woman with 38’s and packing a couple of 45’s, too)

After being denied a kiss yesterday by a neighbor 39 years her junior, a 92-year-old Florida woman allegedly returned to her home, retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun, and fired several shots into the man’s residence.

Supposedly she was aiming at his car… yeah.  Yeah, that’s it.  Damn thing ought to have given her a smooch.  Hmph.

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I’d buy this guy’s wife a beer.

Him, I say we find some pliers and a blowtorch.  He’s earned it.

Cheryl Roberts, 61, suspected her husband David was accessing chatrooms to lure girls into sex so she set up a different computer in their home to pretend she was a 14-year-old girl and caught him in the act.

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Spanish region of Extremadura teaches teens art of masturbation

Ok.  That seems like something they’d have never figured out for themselves.  Curriculum vitae for their schooling?

MSTRB8-101:  How to touch your inner child.

MSTRB8-102:  Whipping the Weasel – touching on the finer points

MSTRB8-103:  Suzy loves Suzy – a chick-flick of a love story

MSTRB8-201:  Self Pleasure and “Found” objects

MSTRB8-202:  Shame – why chicken choking and putting the panty hamster through it’s paces  is OK

MSTRB8-203:  Woodworking Today – polish, wax, and oil application

MSTRB8-301:  Sock puppetry

…all the way on up to the advanced courses…

MSTRB8-403:  How to not have sex with that man/woman (course intro by ex-President Bill Clinton)

A snippet from the NY Daily News, who are amazingly neutral.  Emphasis is mine.

The Guardian reports that the $20,000 campaign includes workshops that feature masturbation instructions. There also are leaflets on self-respect and contraception.

The region’s socialist government aims to help teenagers with “sexual self-exploration and the discovery of self-pleasure.”

“The campaign is simple, clear, natural and easily understood by the people it is aimed at, who are aged between 14 and 17,” [Laura Garrido,] says.

But not everyone in Spain supports bringing masturbation into the realm of public education.

“This is an intimate subject that should be dealt with at home,” says Hernández Carrón, a member of the opposition People’s party. “We have become the laughing stock of Spain.”

That may be so, but alone in the bedroom, teens from Extremadura will have the last laugh.

I got nuthin’ more to say other than:  “Americans, are you SURE you want to go down this gov’t knows everything Socialist path?”.  You better be sure, becasue it’s what you’ll get if you don’t watch it.

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All right, lets stop this in it’s tracks.

A Virginia family has a 14 year old son who was/is an athlete, he got his swine flu shot, and now has Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  The irresponsible title of the news article reads:

Virginia Family Claims H1N1 Vaccine Sickened Son

I’d be highly surprised if he had Guillain-Barre without having had a shot.

Guillain-Barre can result from any shot where there might have been something foreign that the body responded to.   Case frequency for the regular flu shot is around 1 in 1,000,000.

UNLESS THERE IS A CONTAMINATION ISSUE THERE IS NO MORE RISK THAN THERE IS IS FOR ANY NORMAL FLU SHOT.

It is very rare but yes it also can get you if you have never had a flu shot.  How about them hysterical apples?  It’s an immune response triggered by a foreign substance in the body and the body attacks the myelin sheaths around nerves – – acute inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy. .

Most people with treatment will make a complete recovery. A few do die.  Some don’t make a complete recovery.

The point?  The point is that if you should suddenly hear from the crowd that freaks out about global warming, saccharine , DDT-is-always-bad,  charred-meat-is-dangerous, and injections-cause-everything crowd… well, tell them to research it.  There’s more danger from the disease than the shot, and likely you’ll recover from both just fine.

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The Truth Should Be Out.

Fox had a headline and I’ve waited a while to get to it:

Beheading of Wife Poses Another Test for U.S. Muslims

Uh.

Yeaaaaah.

About that…

It should be a test of all of ’em!  No, not all Muslims chop their wives heads off.  I know that.  But I’ll be damned if I can see where there are any Muslims with the guts enough to stand up and say “This crap has to be stamped out, burned out root and branch, and and end put to it once and for all.”

You might see one imam say “We don’t condone this.”  Or a woman scholar in the middle east with more cojones than any of the men who says “Perhaps the Koran wasn’t translated quite correctly in the way it says to treat wives”.  But on the whole…

Big whup-de-doo.

I want to see a huge mass of people with the furor of the Allah-Cartoon-Incident get up and riot over this kind of behavior.  Where’s the passionate outcry?

I’ll tell you where it is…  nowhere that can be seen.

This argument is rather pathetic…

“Muslims don’t want to talk about this for good reason,” said Saleemah Abdul-Ghafur, a Muslim author and activist. “There is so much negativity about Muslims, and it sort of perpetuates it. The right wing is going to run with it and misuse it. But we’ve got to shine a light on this issue so we can transform it.”

Uh… why is there so much negativity about Muslims?  As a right-winger, how can I possibly misuse it other than to say “this is wrong”?  Forgive me for my right-wing ‘tude, but there is not one single thing about chopping off your wife’s head or abusing her that is right.

Stop and ask yourself:  Why is there not such negativity about the Danes or the Swedes?  Oh we’re agreed that light must be shone here, but it has to be on the topic of why should there be so much negativity?

Let us forgive, for the moment, the vile injustice perpetrated upon the world by the Norwegians and Swedes commonly called “Lutefisk”.

Lutefisk is cod that has been dried in a lye solution. It looks like the desiccated cadavers of squirrels run over by trucks, but after it is soaked and reconstituted and the lye is washed out and it’s cooked, it looks more fish-related, though with lutefisk, the window of success is small. It can be tasty, but the statistics aren’t on your side. It is the hereditary delicacy of Swedes and Norwegians who serve it around the holidays, in memory of their ancestors, who ate it because they were poor. Most lutefisk is not edible by normal people. It is reminiscent of the afterbirth of a dog or the world’s largest chunk of phlegm.  – Garrison Keillor

Ok, continuing on, let me put it another way.  If one person comes up to me and says “Jack is a creep”  I can generally think that this person has a bone to pick with Jack and it being kind of a creep themselves.   If two people have come up to me, and they aren’t closely associated, and they both say “Jack is a creep”… I start to wonder if Jack had a bad day.  If three, five, or ten folks come up to me and say “Jack is a creep”… well, I have to begin to think that maybe, just maybe… Jack is a creep.

Another snippet:

“What you have is a cultural problem our communities have been silent about too long,” said Wajahat Ali, a journalist and playwright who helped drive the effort. “What people with an agenda are trying to do is say this is an example of a barbaric religion. This is an example of barbaric misogyny and domestic violence.”

Uh… most domestic violence doesn’t involve beheading.  That seems to be a really favorite thing with certain cultures.  I don’t even have to say it out loud, folks know what I mean.  It is not just misogyny and domestic violence of the garden variety.

As an outsider I can only draw the conclusion that women just don’t rank very high in the Muslim culture unless they are defiled in such a way that it impacts family honor.  I know, no one is shocked by that statement.  But neither is it aired out.

Please, someone tell me different.  I would like to believe that the idea that Muslims at large just don’t care a great deal about it  just not true.  But I see little evidence to the contrary.

Here’s another litmus test:  When you wonder if you should blog on this topic.

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Call me a chickensh*t, but I think I’ll let thousands upon thousands of others inject this first, and if it works I’ll be protect by herd immunity and then when there appears to be no effects ten years down the road… then I’ll get innoculated.

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Damn right you should have to pay for rescue efforts when you get in trouble in a remote area.  Pike’s Peak included.   Your feet hurt?  Aww, poor baby.  Tough it out.

I knew this gal (mooned after her, I did) in high school.  She was a friend’s girlfriend and the nicest kindest sweetest gal you could ever hope to meet.  My friend was an ass.  Anyway, we go on this group hike down a river (50 miles) in Southern Oregon.  Three days into it she pulls off her sneakers and socks and she’s missing a silver-dollar sized patch on her heel and the other was almost as bad.  It had rubbed off the first day.  She said nothing.  She said “Why complain?  Nothing could be done about it. ”

Ever since then I’ve taken her attitude to heart about just dealing with it when it is something you asked for – running, biking, hiking, weightlifting.  The pain is temporary and you might as well suck it up.

Amazing gal.

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HERE is a guy who I’d say deserves to be given a little something – not because he is entitled, or a victim, or clamoring… but for his amazing attitude and unwillingness to victimize the pilot.

Dong Yun Yoon, 37, lost his wife, two baby daughters and mother-in-law after a Marine Corps fighter plane clipped a tree and plummeted into houses about two miles from base. The pilot safely ejected and was rescued hanging by his parachute from a tree.

“I pray for him not to suffer for this action,” Yoon said at a news conference, according to The Los Angeles Times. “I know he’s one of our treasures for our country.”

Several houses caught fire. Two homes were incinerated in the crash and three others were damaged.  (Source:  FoxNews – MORE)

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On the opposite (dark) side of the spectrum (moon) we have the persuasive (coercive) methods (tactics) used in questioning (interrogating) prisoners (animals).

Finding it hard to tell where I’m toeing the line there?  Good.

Music is not just an escape after all, and not all music is meant to soothe the savage beast.

It’s all about creating an intense feeling of dissociation from one’s self.  And they do it so well.

Funny, all the songs they selected… I’d be saying “All right, bro!  Crank it to 11!”  Until they got to Sesame Street or Barry Manilow and I’d cave within 50 minutes.

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Fair warning… I am in a FOUL mood.  If you want fluffy warm puppies, you won’t find them below….

Over on FoxNews, they have this little thing called “You Decide” and today’s question was “Should the US Gov’t Bailout the Auto Companies?”

Good question.  The real surprise is the range of intelligence from high to positively microbial.

This is supposedly from a college student:

Comment by [rhymes with “KokomoKevin”] December 10th, 2008 at 1:49 pm

For all you older folks out there, im not nieve i see whats going on sticking the youth of America with your problems which for some reason you cant fix im a college junior and its not wise to piss off your children who will eventually be running the country, its sad that old incompetant people are ruining my future. For shame on all of you for voting for idiots who know nothing and shame on all of you for sweeping your problems under my rug.
For someone who had lived in a town called Kokomo in Indiana which has 3 Chrysler transmission plants and a Delphi plant I can tell you what first needs to go…The Unions of these companies are ridculous in Kokomo all you have to do is somewhat graduate high school and have a father, grandpa, or uncle who use to work at Chrysler to get a job there making an ungodly amount of money for basically pushing a button, meanwhile my parents who went to college, mothers a nurse and father owns his own buisness, they make far less than the average Chrysler employee. Furthermore I believe that apparently these behemoth trucks and cars with 9 cylnders are not what people want to spend 40 to 50 thousand dollars on maybe they need to make smaller gas efficent cars and if possible made in America and to do that Government needs to stay out of everyones buisness and cut the taxes these companies have to pay. These are just ideas from a college junior who sees the world crumbling before his eyes. Its sad that old incompetant men are ruining my future.

Well thank you, rhymes-with-uh… Kevin.  That was very… thoughtful and it must have taken a hell of a long time to write all of that  in crayon before having mommy type it out.  Please tell her that she could use a remedial typing class – she’ll know what I mean.

I will say this, and heed it well:  Your so-called image that you convey with bad spelling and crappy grammar is doing far more to sink your naive future than “us old people”.

You may even have the brightest idea in the world and it will be flat out ignored if you are a dolt when trying to convey it.

So sit up straight, stop texting and sleeping in class, wipe the drool off your chin, have a little respect for your elders, and one thing more… learn some humility by going out and working for a living before opening your mouth.  Obviously what you are doing so far isn’t working for you because you sound like a punk-ass kid – got it?

Thanks!

Lemur King

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Perhaps the cardinal needs to work on his own impure thought life?  Notice how the news articles never mention that?

SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) – Madonna is causing “crazy enthusiasm” and “impure thoughts” on her first concert visit to Chile, a prominent retired cardinal complained on Wednesday, as he paused in a tribute to a late dictator to denounce the pop star. (link)

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After 87 different designs to consider in the last three days I am mindwiped.  So it is Lemur Droppings Thursday!  It’s like the Twilight Zone with a hell of a lot less class, creativity, or intelligence.  Read on with wild abandon then.

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You all did know that we are going to die, right?  We just don’t know when.  Or do we…?

DailyMail.co.uk  ( pronounced: DailyMail Kook ) published this today.  Apparently next week the CERN Large Hadron Collider is going to whing some really small things around really fast and they are going to slap each other harder than a red-headed stepchild and scatter atomic body parts all over and then little atomic ambulances will drive up and… well.  No, not really.

Really they plan to kick these things up notches unknown to something like TeV (that’s Tera electron-volts, which is wickedly energetic short-wavelengthed nano-nanometer stuff – forget the suntan lotion) energies and then see what they do when they collide.  Probably get really nasty headaches.

A Hadron Collider.  Naturally.  (CERN/PA)

A Hadron Collider. Naturally. (CERN/PA)

But I’m digressing again.  the DailyMail Kooks paint a spooky-scary picture of which I’m referencing only enough to give you a general idea.  Go read their page, linked above.

A black hole is created and then a lot of biblical-type disasters leading up to:

The fabric of the planet itself would start to disappear, trillions of tonnes of rock, water, air and life sucked into a whirlpool of unimaginable force.

From space, our blue-and-white home would appear to vanish down a plughole in a flash of light.

At least in this scenario we would have a little time, perhaps, to come to terms with the end.

However, a second doomsday scenario is even more terrifying. There would be no warning at all.

In an instant – about one-twentieth of a second – the entire Earth would simply vanish from space.

Neat, huh?  No more global warming, no more landfill issues, population pressures decrease.  But it gets cooler…

Less than two seconds later, the Moon would follow suit.

Because, as we all know, the moon has never been one to blaze it’s own trails.

Eight minutes later, the Sun would be ripped apart, followed by the rest of the planets in the solar system and onwards, a wave of destruction caused by a rent in the fabric of space itself, spreading out from our world at the speed of light.

And you thought this kind of havoc could only be caused by American Idol or Carrot-Top.  Nuh-uh.

Any extra-terrestrials out there would die too, in due course. And there would be nothing technology could do about it.

So I guess there’s no issue with the anniversary of 9/11.

And how the hell is technology supposed to do anything?  It’s not like they have any programming for the Wii in situations like this.

Ok.  So.  Wanna go… someplace else?  Ok.

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Now, if this isn’t one of the sorrier excuses for a human being, I don’t know what is.  His wife apparently isn’t the brightest spark either, but there’s no call for tricking your wife into putting on handcuffs, putting on a blindfold, and walking up a ladder… I mean, she trusted him.   It’s not news except that he got sentenced to 12 years.  She already divorced him before the verdict but I saw that as 50/50 odds considering the participants.

Moooooving right along.

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Glad my daughter didn’t start her first week of kindergarden in Brooklyn.  Bus driver lost, circles Brooklyn for FIVE HOURS.

Bus Driver Suspended After Circling With Children On Board

(POSTED September 4, 2008)

NEW YORK — The driver of a school bus that circled Brooklyn for nearly five hours while carrying about a dozen kindergartners and first-graders has been suspended.

Got that?  Five hours.  You’ve got to be stoned or stupid to achieve this.  I’m kind of surprised that the article doesn’t dig into why/how the driver got “lost” in the beginning.  They may not know…

Parents say their children were shaken by the ordeal that ended when police were called and were finally able to reach the driver.

Lovely reporter understatement – my child would have been traumatized.  Let’s just be glad they all got home in one piece.

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