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Posts Tagged ‘zombies’

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A number of idiots out there make a case for Zombie Jesus, which I find to be a hollow insult to Christianity, as in me saying “Ha. Ha. You guys are so funny I forgot to laugh.” (Feel free to look them up on your search engine of choice, but they are typically spiteful atheists or just mean-spirited so I will not link them.)

Then the thought occurred… “Would Jesus kill zombies?”

Cruel Wife laughed and answered my question with “That is the question for the ages.”

I bet He would. I cannot possibly imagine Jesus not smiting the poo out of any zombie he found, whether eating braaaaainnnns or just mindlessly minding its own business. If you look at “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” (John 6:31) I can honestly say that I would not want others eating my braaaaainnnns nor would I want to do the same to others.

Jesus and Lazarus came back smelling like roses and not at all interested in braaaaainnnns, so I just cannot see how you could make the argument that they were zombies themselves. The idiots who spout “Zombie Jesus” nonsense clearly did not think that one through.

So, I can now make the argument to Cruel Wife on this Easter Day that getting me a $500 gift certificate to Zombie Tools is a Good Idea.

(h/t to The Dude for passing that on – I’m sure he saw the Jack L. Katt post from yesterday and sent it to me to cheer me up)

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Mack-Daddy-O – Zombie Tools

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The Reaper – Zombie Tools

Those are just my preferences.

Already pointed out to CW… “Isn’t it interesting that they offer gift certificates starting at only $500?” She was lukewarm at the time but as that thought takes hold it will probably weigh in my favor.

I pointed out to her that even at around $400 either one of these would cost less than one payment on a Shelby GT 500. (I am sure I am awarded one point for that.)

Then I asked her if the fact that they were 5160 steel was a good thing. Good materials scientist that she is, she looked it up and said that yes they would make excellent swords, being essentially spring steel. (Another two points for appealing to her intellect.)

I asked her if it was good that they were hardened to Rockwell 53. She said “Oh yeah.” (Another additional point for further seeking out her expertise, I’m positive.)

Then, I pointed out that the company that makes them is in Montana, where she has familial ties. (Not sure if it helped, but how could it hurt?)

Then I pointed out their usefulness for BBQ. (Two points, easy-peasy.)

Next I shall point out their suitability for Home Defense, because they cannot fire through walls and indeed require no ammunition whatsoever.

I’ve got this one in the bag because the final point will be when I point out that “Jesus must be anti-Zombie. Food laws from the Old Testament went away but never once did He and the disciples feed multitudes with braaaaainnnns, they did not go out on boats to get braaaaainnnns, and at the last supper He mentioned eating of His body and drinking of His blood but never did He mention braaaaainnnns. Communion involves no braaaaainnnns whatsoever.”

One could even argue that one is closer to Godliness armed with such tools.

She cannot refute my logic.

Note: You may not read anything into the “communion involves no braaaaainnnns” sentence other than its original meaning, which is that I’ve never seen Communion involve anything other than wine and bread – the discussion surrounding transubstantiation is for another day.

I’m thinking that He would be more likely to go for this sort of Zombie Tool, however. It looks more traditional.

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Ferrous Wolf – Zombie Tools

Anyway, happy Easter to all. Forget about Zombie Tools and think about what Easter is really about. Eggs, chocolate, Resurrection, naps – not in that particular order.

I hope no one was offended by this post because I believe God must have a sense of humor. If God is as humorless as some of His followers, then eternity is surely one long waiting room without magazines.

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I’m not as prepped for Halloween as I’d like but that’s the way life goes.  I’ll figure it out.

If you are a gun owner you already know about Hornady Zombie Max Ammunition.  Good, good for you.   You just never know and better safe than sorry, I say.

This brings up an important safety announcement.

  1. Get some Zombie Max Ammo
  2. Shoot for the head, always for the head.  Unless other targets of opportunity make for hilarity and you’re in a safe location
  3. Rent Bubba-hotep
  4. Watch it.
  5. Rent and watch:  Ahhh! Zombies!, Night of the LIving Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Resident Evil (it’s like the weird Uncle Carl of zombie movies but it has Milla Jovovich so it gets a pass), 28 Days (no, it’s not a movie about menstruation),  Pet Sematery.  Watch a few episodes of The Rosie Show on Hulu.  (Just seeing if you were awake.)

No, my unpreparedness is because I did not purchase in time the requisite five 500W halogen light bulbs with which to light up my pumpkin, so I will have to use seventeen 150W bulbs, all shoved into one pumpkin.  Yes, I am going to install a 120V fan on the back of the pumpkin to pump air out of it.  Or I will fill the pumpkin with mineral oil to help with the temperature issue.

Pumpkin #2… you’re going to have to wait to see how he gets lit up.  It will be EPIC.  I hope.

Show up around here on Nov. 1 and see if I have the pics posted yet.

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Hey, kids… want to see something even more scary than Evil Baby Clowns?    (see veeshir’s links in the comments section below, please)

Let’s see what has been uttered by German Chancellor Angela Merkel today…

Nobody should take for granted another 50 years of peace and prosperity in Europe. They are not for granted. That’s why I say: If the euro fails, Europe fails,” Merkel said, followed by a long applause from all political groups.

“We have a historical obligation: To protect by all means Europe’s unification process begun by our forefathers after centuries of hatred and blood spill. None of us can foresee what the consequences would be if we were to fail.”

Maybe I’m just paranoid but that didn’t sound as peaceful to my ears as it could.  It sounded sinister, but swaddled in the cloths of compassion.

She was asking for the parliament’s “political” green light on a negotiation mandate for the EU summit, beginning later today in Brussels. The summit is seeking to increase the firepower of the €440 billion-strong European Financial Stability Facility (EFSF) to stop the sovereign debt crisis spreading to countries like Italy and ultimately, France.

The Bundestag approved the measure by a large majority, with 503 members in favour, 89 opposing and four abstaining.

Got that?  Huge agreement – that Germany must do whatever must be done.  Whatever must be done.  For the good of all, of course.

While stressing that Germany’s contribution to the EFSF loan guarantees would continue to be capped at €211 billion, she said she could not exclude there may be “risks” for Germany linked to the EFSF increase of firepower. Her own party colleagues had demanded that she clearly excludes German state assets, such as the central bank’s gold reserves, to be put as collateral for the EFSF lending power.

“Nobody can clearly estimate if there will be such risks. What I can say is that we cannot exclude it,” she said, insisting that the current situation is pushing European leaders into “uncharted territories”.

“Not to take these risks would be irresponsible. There is no better and more sensible alternative. Europe and the world are looking at Germany,” the chancellor said.

Looking ahead to the summit, the chancellor repeated her long-standing stance that “there is no silver bullet, no simple solutions. We will still deal with these topics for years from now.”

She repeated her insistence that the EU treaty had to be changed, in the medium term, to be more strict on countries breaching the euro deficit rules.

“Where does it say that any treaty change has to take 10 years or that there should be no more changes after the Lisbon Treaty,” she asked.

More strict.  Again for the good of all, of course.

EU leaders last Sunday agreed to have an evaluation presented to them in December by council chief Herman Van Rompuy about the possibility for a “limited” treaty change.

On the three euro-countries currently propped by EU-IMF loans, Merkel said Ireland was on “the right path”, Portugal showed it could implement the promised reforms, while Greece was still “at the beginning of a long road.”

For the first time, as opposition MPs noted later on in the debate, Merkel had words of praise for the ordinary Greek citizens feeling the brunt of the austerity measures demanded by international lenders. “People in Greece have to stomach a lot of sacrifices. They deserve our respect and also a sustainable growth perspective in the eurozone.”

According to the latest report of the so-called troika, consisting of experts sent from the European Commission, the European Central Bank and the International Monetary Fund, Greece will need even higher debt restructuring and losses for private lenders compared to what EU leaders had agreed upon on 21 July.

“But debt restructuring alone does not solve the problem. Painful structural reforms have to be made, otherwise even after debt restructuring we’re back to where we are today,” Merkel warned.

Ok, you’ve been softened up.  Here’s that final blow you’ve been unconsciously expecting:

That’s why, she said, Greece would have to be “assisted” for quite some time. “It’s not enough that the troika comes and goes every three months. It would be desirable to have a permanent supervision in Greece,” she said, adding that this issue would be brought up at the summit.

Permanent supervision.   That is one of the more arrogant things you’ll ever hear.  That is saying “Greece is so fundamentally screwed up that they will never be capable of self-policing.”  It is tantamount to making the declaration that an autistic or retarded individual will never be self-sufficient, and for the individual autism sufferer or Down’s Syndrome sufferer, this may indeed be true.  But to place that judgment on a culture speaks of a vast gulf in self-superiority.

Yes, it is true that Greece has some serious freakin’ issues and a total lack of even the basic economic common-sense God gave a gopher.  A lot of Europe isn’t far behind and politicians in the US seem convinced of their brilliance, enough so that they believe we can repeat the actions of the European socialism proponents but without the fatal mis-steps.

The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.  – Margaret Thatcher

I can say “I don’t believe that Haiti will ever get it’s shit together”, and I’ll probably be right.  I could also say of the Middle East that they’ll never be peaceful because their cultures are fundamentally screwed up, and I could very well be right.  But to say “I think we should stay in Haiti forever and override their poor judgment whenever they lapse, because we know they most certainly will” is beyond arrogant.  It is proof that the German superiority issue is still alive and well even today, nearly seven decades after WWII.

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In the mailbag:

Dear Dr. Lemur –

My cousin has asked me to become their friend on FaceBook.  I think she is a soul-less heartless monster for the way she has screwed one of her brother’s kids out of his inheritance and feel towards her exactly the way this quote puts it:

If I’d known my niece was going to turn out as she has, I would have gotten my sister a dingo for a baby shower present.  – leeann (a blogger)

Except I feel that someone should have sent the dingo to my aunt, instead – maybe even two dingoes just to be sure the job had been done.

What should I do?

Signed,

Wary Kitty in Kalamazoo

Dr. Lemur:  Well, Kitty, a little constructive criticism would do wonders, so if I may offer some that could provide you with needed assistance…?  Kitty, listen carefully because this is important, get a grip on your shoulders and pull your head out of your ass.  Just because this radioactive hose-beast is “family” by no means obligates you to have anything to do with her.

Take two Midol, grow a spine, and tell the creature to take a hike.

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I’ll say this:  I don’t know why I chose the title I did.  Don’t try to make sense of it.

I can tell you that there is great news and that is that I had a consulting surgeon, probably one of ten in the country, who said that he loves surgery but doesn’t want to cut me open because he doesn’t think it will help.

“Sure, if you go see more surgeons one will cut you open, but I wouldn’t do it,” he said.

“Well, thank you, doc,” said I, and Cruel Wife sighed a sigh of relief along with me.

But, he says, the type of injury is most likely soft-tissue injury that’s just not healed and it’s referred pain.

I don’t know, perhaps that is code for “No idea what’s doing it,” but when I asked him “So you’re telling me that this is not in my head?” he said “Oh, no, it’s real.”

So, in some ways it is great news but in other ways we’re back to square one, with no real solution.  Regardless, I am going to see a longer-term pain management and I’m going to insist that we do something, anything, to manage this without the opiate-based painkillers which are just (a) not good for long-term pain control, and (b) a real pain in the ass for an engineer.  There are other solutions that are being used in Europe and I’ll bring that up with him but my first choice is what can we do to change the referred stuff.  For whatever reason, ligaments in my neck have impersonated my left arm and hand, and are doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme crappy job of the whole affair.

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Hey, if you haven’t seen it, check out the movie “Aaah! Zombies!!” (Wasting Away).   How can you not like a movie where the story is from the zombie’s perspective and the “agent of change” is green goo in a barrel labeled “Baby Formula” that is then mixed into soft-serve ice-cream that uses cheap beer as an ingredient?  You can’t, I say.

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How much longer to we have to put up with Team Obama, again?

I’m experiencing failure to achieve liftoff in my guesses as to how they could alienate struggling and out-of-work families even more than they already have.  Then there are the fortunates like my family that still chafe at having to pay a lot of money to support everyone else (we are comfortable but we are not rich, nor do we feel secure in this economy).  And then there are the affluent who are probably getting tired of being Obama’s financial whipping-boy – whenever he gets blamed for something he talks about how evil the rich are and how raising their taxes even more is really just them paying their fair share.

This is enough to make one ill, especially when you think what, for example, $1000 means to you personally.  Now think about how many people who pay thousands of dollars (at a minimum) in taxes while these classless clowns could get their African Vacation.  A lot of people haven’t had a proper vacation in years because of the economy, or even had a job… Sure being President is a hard job and the family of the President does have stress, but you can’t tell me they are more stressed than the family that is getting foreclosed on and hasn’t yet figured out where they can go.

Although ignored by most of America’s liberal-dominated media, several online US news sites are reporting that Michelle Obama’s grand tour of southern Africa earlier this year cost American taxpayers nearly half a million dollars – and that’s just for the flights. This follows in the wake of claims this August from sources inside the White House itself that the First Lady may have spent “$10 million of taxpayers’ money on vacations alone in the past year.”  – Nile Gardiner

Live it up, douchebags.  Your first-term presidency time is running out and the election is growing nearer every day.  I doubt a second term is in the stars.

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The idea of mountain coasters (mini rollercoasters on mountainsides) makes me think of Action Park (aka Traction Park).

It sounds like a GREAT idea!  What could go wrong?

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Tea Party Zombies

Update:  Apologies to those who have fallen victim to a spam comment bot that is getting through Akismet on this blog.  I am checking back often to catch them early. 

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Some people may get upset at the idea of Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Hannity, etc. being used in a Tea Party Zombies Must Die violent video game, but I can think of no higher badge of honor than to be hated enough by libs that you warrant your own zombie.

They need a virulent diseased Lemur King in there, is what they need.

The graphic, offensive, and violent game was created by StarvingEyes Advergaming but does not have any obvious connection to or advertisement for any other group.

Oh, but I bet you $20 that if you dig enough, you’ll find backers for it.  The rooms and settings don’t look bad but the kablooey shots when a zombie is dispatched is old crummy graphics, way behind the times.  It’s like a combination between Doom3 and Doom2.  Anyone know what game engine was used there?  It looks familiar.

Anyway, complaints that this is offensive are just ridiculous.  It’s a game.  Tasteless, yes, offensive, no.  Incite violence?  Nah, that argument doesn’t work when stacked up against all the violent vid games out there.

They ought to get some shots of Hannity, Palin, Bachmann, and Beck drinking brews (or Dr. Peppers) and sitting around playing the game and laughing at it’s ridiculousness.  Best F-U that I can possibly think of.

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All I can say is it is about time someone other than me has this problem.  Really, it’s all I can say.  The court gag order on the settlement is pretty strict.

I have heard of beer gardens, but apple cider gardens is a new one on me.

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Sorry, but even one count of espionage should elicit a death sentence.  NASA scientist sells secrets to FBI agents posing as Israelis.

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Found in the Wild…

I saw this on FaceBook…

OMG – WARNING: Tomorrow Facebook will change its settings to allow zombies to come into your house while you sleep and eat your brains with a sharpened spoon. To stop this from happening go to Accounts / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains and un-check the “Tasty” box.

Now, I need some help here (probably from Mitchell) but don’t zombies use sporks?

An alert reader who I won’t name but it was mrmacs sent me this crazy link knowing full well I would have to seek it out and read publications on it if there are any.

Anti-lasers.

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Everyone’s favorite mustelid (Weasel from sweasel.com) said she was so going to steal a quote and by golly I liked it.  The image wouldn’t leave my mind.

This is nowhere near what I had in mind but I had to work tonight, so this is ten minute’s worth of “I care, sort of”.  Think of it as a placeholder.

If you have a physics background, please note the redshifted photon…

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I am shocked… SHOCKED…

As activists from groups as wide-ranging as the Girl Scouts and the World Council on Churches converge on the climate change conference in Copenhagen, some critics say it’s turning into a “circus” sideshow, with 20,000 attendees creating an international echo chamber of climate piety. – foxnews (because no one else will report anything but fuzzy puppies, rainbows, and unicorns)

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The White House is really thin-skinned lately.  Challenging the performance of The One is heretical, I guess.

Asked for a response to Monday’s tracking poll, which placed Obama’s approval numbers among the lowest of any recent president in December of his first year in office, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs mocked the reliability of the widely respected polling firm.

“I tell you, if I was a heart patient and Gallup was my EKG, I’d visit my doctor,” Gibbs said. “If you look back, I think five days ago, there was an 11-point spread, now there’s a 1-point spread. I mean, I’m sure a 6-year-old with a crayon could do something not unlike that. I don’t put a lot of stake in, never have, in the EKG that is the daily Gallup trend.”

He added: “I don’t pay a lot of attention to the meaninglessness of it.”

Love that “… a 6-year-old with a crayon could do something not unlike that…”

Oh, like the hockey stick graph then?  I don’t pay a lot of attention to the meaninglessness of it.

His wording is telling.  Looks like Gibby has been attending his assertiveness workshops.

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Shot tea out my nose and closely following that were my appendix and spleen.

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The Dude was suggesting we use this for the door to the server room at work.  No idea where the graphic came from.

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Fish ‘Nads.

UPDATE: I cannot recall the last time I was this creeped out.  Zombies for Obama – a Training Video.  Video is real (I think) the mocking title is mine.  This was posted over at http://obacalypse.blogspot.com Thanks to The Dude for passing this on.

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Wow.  You get to eat fish ‘nads and risk death at the same time.  This certainly is more efficient than eating the ‘nads of an ordinary rainbow trout and then drinking randomly from a box of bulging cans of green beans.  (sperm sac, ‘nads, whatever)

blowfish_normal

Fugu. ‘Nads to die for.

Tiger fugu is considered the filet mignon of blowfish, coveted, according to the twisted logic of fugu connoisseurs, for both its distinctive flavor and its unparalleled concentration of lethal toxins. And the shira-ko is among the most potentially fatal parts of the famously poisonous fish. Of all the dishes served in all the restaurants in all the world, you could argue, the particular seafood delicacy I’ve come fourteen time zones and 6,800 miles to ingest is the one that’s most likely to kill me dead.

I like sushi.  No, I love sushi.  Gonna have to draw a line at neurotoxins.

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Courtesy of The Patriot Post

bearack-obama

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are modifying their behavior to take advantage of what they expect to be a new set of societal norms in the next four to eight years. This black bear has ceased hunting and, instead, has begun to merely sit outside a U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service office, waiting to be fed and to have his winter den dug by government employees. In honor of what is believed to be the cause of this behavior, area residents are calling him "Bearack Obama."

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Duuuuh.

Who knew that there wasn’t a lot of oversight when Hillary gave the bonehead panic button to the Russians?  Certainly it was unthinkable.  Who could have guessed that “reset” could be mistranslated as “overcharge” in Russian?

Big dust-up.  Denial, fear, loathing, more denial.  Then the blame was accepted, finally.

Said Clinton’s Senate press secretary Philippe Reines in an e:mail:

Ultimotely [sic], this was my soul [sic] risponsibility [sic], knobody [sic] else’s in or out of the bilding [sic]. While the Russians laffed [sic] off the error and accepted the gift in the spirit of coperation [sic] that it was meant, I’ve been sic [sic] about the misteak [sic] since, espeshully [sic] that I let drown [sic] the Secertary [sic] and the fine perfessionals [sic] at the State Dipartment [sic].

Ok, so perhaps it read this way in reality:

Ultimotely [sic], this was my soul [sic] risponsibility [sic], nobody else’s in or out of the building. While the Russians laughed off the error and accepted the gift in the spirit of cooperation that it was meant, I’ve been sic [sic] about the mistake since, especially that I let down the Secretary and the fine professionals at the State Department.

Still looks bad from front to back.

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