Gas Price Map is Noteworthy - and the Decline of Real Men

GAS PRICES. How about them, eh?

I’m not going to bitch about them. They are what they are. Go buy a smaller vehicle. Eat out less. Carpool. Take a bus. Anything. Quit bitching about it. I know they’re high, I pay the same prices. It’s largely driven by supply/demand, speculation on tomorrow’s prices for gas required to replace todays usage, and taxes.

Do take a look at this map. Notice how the gas prices which include taxes are highest in the most liberal states? If you want to ask why the prices are high, don’t forget to ask why your gas TAXES are excessively high while you are at it. These red states (some of them) are also big users of the so-called bouquet formulations, which add cost as well. Typically these formulations are also driven by environmental concerns… which come from… where? Figure it out.

(Hint: If you are poor and being dragged into the ground - and vote liberal - ask the people you helped vote into power why they are adding fuel to the fire in making your life hell.)

(source of this snapshot: http://www.gasbuddy.com/gb_gastemperaturemap.aspx)

And please, for the love of dog, quit it already with the “Oil Companies are Making Profits at Our Expense! It’s DEMONIC!” On claim I heard was that they make about $0.09 profit per gallon. They sell obscene amounts of gas to us guzzlers. Ergo, they make “obscene profits”. Please, do try to be more intelligent than a pet rock.

Anybody ever notice the similarity?  DEMOcrat and DEMOnic… only off by a few letters.  Not saying anything, just ponderin’.

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They SAY it is not to avoid offending anyone but I’m sorry, that stinks of, well, BS. Hope BS isn’t offensive to anyone.

British Airways takes beef off the menu to avoid offending Hindus

For decades the national dish has been a staple meal on the national carrier.

But now British Airways has taken beef off the menu for economy passengers amid concerns about its “religious restrictions”.

The airline has instead switched to a fish pie or chicken dish option for the so-called “cattle class” passengers.

BA’s second-biggest long-haul market is to India, where the majority Hindu population do not eat beef because of their beliefs. (more…)

REAL men would have said “There are other dishes, choose one of them or get a bag of pretzels. Deal wth it.”

I’m going to come right out and say it: “Have we collectively lost our damn MINDS?”

I don’t drink alcohol, it’s my problem, not yours - if you want to drink it, have at!

“It has nothing to do with the fear of causing offence - we always offer alternative meals for people with special dietary requirements if they order in advance.

“We are still serving beef based meals on certain menus in First Class and Club World and are currently deciding on whether or not to use beef on the menus for World Traveller customers for the winter season.”

The Hindu Council UK said: “The Hindu community will welcome this decision and the news it has been made partly because Hindus don’t eat beef.

“Hindus have a great deal of respect for British culture and are well integrated into the British way of life, so it’s good to see evidence of how they are literally flying the British flag by choosing British Airways.

“That said, Hindus are tolerant of the beliefs of others and do not expect everyone to stop eating a food because they do not eat it.”

In the past three months world beef prices have risen from about £2,500 a tonne to more than £4,000 a tonne, largely because of the weakening dollar and rising feed costs.

BA also said that cost is not a reason for the decision to stop serving beef.

Now we’re getting somewhere. Namely we have gotten NOWHERE. “It has nothing to do with causing offence” and “cost is not a reason for the decision to stop serving beef.”

So what the hell IS the reason? We can only serve two options is NOT a good reason - double the veggies and make it a vegetarian meal (bitch about that, why don’t you?). Great, what if MY religion doesn’t allow me to eat fish or chicken? Gonna stop that, too? What if I just don’t LIKE fish or chicken, and they make me want to barf? My point is stop trying to be so damned accommodating by chopping out options for everybody else.

C’mon people, join me in eating a cow today. March right out the door, get into your car, drive to the nearest Wendy’s/McDonald’s, Burker King, Dairy Queen, or whatever, and eat not one, but TWO burgers.

MORE USB Stuff That Exists, But Probably Shouldn’t…

I sense that there is some love of things USB. Ok, the grill was OTT (Over The Top, and as it turns out, thanks to a vigilant reader… BOGUS) Now look at what can be found in the nether regions of the web. And I’m not just talking anywhere, we’re talking nether regions. Lowest common denominator on some, cool stuff on others, but none of which the world would miss if they disappeared. At least I think so.

What can you say to this? What can you add to improve it? Nothing. It is perfect for what it is suited for. (IMHO, not much.)

USB Pole Dancer

Another item that I desperately want to hate, but am in lust with it. It holds one normal-sized can of pop.

USB Fridge

We are talking epitome of Japanese design, if I understand it right. It creeps me out.

USB Food Hub

Text from the Website: Weirdo Japanese company Solid Alliance is no stranger to weird USB gadgets, but this USB FoodHub is the best thing they’ve ever done. By far.

If you take a close look, you’ll see that the rice is a 4-port USB 2.0 hub, and the four other things (pudding, chicken, and two bits of seafood) are USB sticks. Together, they form something so awesome that the USDA changed its name to the United States Department of Awesome just to regulate the import and export of it.

The USB Humping Dog unit should make whining and panting noises as it transfers data (ok, that was bad). And yes, it does rob us of whatever dignity we still had intact after the pole dancer. Imagine you have this and your mom comes in and sees a pooch humping your port. Get the idea?

USB Humping Dog

Typing “Aid” (my fuzzy ass) This would last about 10 minutes before I took it out back, taped it to a cinderblock wall with duct tape, and ran into it repeatedly with my bumper.

Adult Content Warning!!! I include it to show you just how bizarre the world of USB toys has gotten.

No pictures will be shown. Follow the link if you want to but I ain’t posting it.
Extremely Adult

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Anyone have a preference between these next two versions? Meant to be viewed at larger size because at smaller size the blade tips on the circular saw blade don’t show up well. (click on them - same with the bear)

Just What You Need - A *USB* George Foreman Grill

Jury: A lingerie-wearing man in closet not guilty

Friday, April 11, 2008

A Beaverton man was found not guilty of burglary Friday, despite admitting he was wearing lacy lingerie while hiding in a closet in the home of a woman he didn’t know.

Eric Kincaid, 29, said he had mistaken her apartment for that of a woman who had invited him by phone to have sex with her. He said he ran away when the strange woman screamed.

The Washington County District Attorney’s office said it was more likely that Kincaid, high on methamphetamines, just tried all the doors he could until he found one that was open.

In December, police arrested Kincaid after technicians matched his DNA to a meth pipe he inadvertently left behind in the closet, along with other items.

A jury believed Kincaid’s story, and found him not guilty on all counts.

Kincade shown here at the courthouse after being found not-guilty

Article from: Hillsboro Argus, Hillsboro, Oregon

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You might wander on over to the Pillage Idiot blog

If you are interested in a satire on WJ Clinton that sounds disturbingly like it might be the truth.

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I am NOT making this up.
You just can’t make this stuff up… An electric grill powered by… yeah, a USB connection. It can’t draw a lot of current so your burger-jerky ought to be done in 12-15 hours.

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I would have said you couldn’t make THIS up either, but somebody did, and thanks to McGoo for finding it. Now when I have a need for a Twisted Turd (Turd Twister™)I know how to go about it. Just bounce around on his page until you find a blue button thingy with a star on it.

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Then, too, you have to wonder… in the US it is illegal to smoke pot (and I haven’t an issue with that at all) but at the same time alcohol is legal. Just an observation: I never saw two stoned dudes try to bash each other’s skulls in.

Ok, so about alcohol…

This time it was a car. A bad car. A very bad car that stole his dog. Oops. Wrong car. Bad car over there… <CRASH>

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Why Conservatives are Happier than Liberals

1. Guns, we have lots of guns
2. We are Vast Right Wing Conspiratorialists
3. We eat meat
4. We seem to function quite well in a meritocracy
5. Guns, did I mention guns?
6. Liberals are easy (metaphorically) targets
7. Our talk radio hosts beat their talk radio hosts - and they speak english, too
8. We don’t feel a need to justify jack… it’s just right
9. We don’t believe that people are all the same, and realize that laws won’t change that
10. Oppression of the masses, lead pipe cruelty, and obscene profit margins - all in a day’s work
    1. Special subset:Actually being The Man, keeping the masses down
11. We don’t actually believe in #2 and #10 but liberals think we do

Why Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

By Jeanna Bryner

Individuals with conservative ideologies are happier than liberal-leaners, and new research pinpoints the reason: Conservatives rationalize social and economic inequalities.

Regardless of marital status, income or church attendance, right-wing individuals reported greater life satisfaction and well-being than left-wingers, the new study found.

Conservatives also scored highest on measures of rationalization, which gauge a person’s tendency to justify, or explain away, inequalities.

The rationalization measure included statements such as: “It is not really that big a problem if some people have more of a chance in life than others,” and “This country would be better off if we worried less about how equal people are.”

To justify economic inequalities, a person could support the idea of meritocracy, in which people supposedly move up their economic status in society based on hard work and good performance.

In that way, one’s social class attainment, whether upper, middle or lower, would be perceived as totally fair and justified.

If your beliefs don’t justify gaps in status, you could be left frustrated and disheartened, according to the researchers, Jaime Napier and John Jost of New York University. They conducted both a U.S.-centric survey and a more internationally focused one to arrive at the findings.

“Our research suggests that inequality takes a greater psychological toll on liberals than on conservatives,” the researchers write in the June issue of the journal Psychological Science, “apparently because liberals lack ideological rationalizations that would help them frame inequality in a positive (or at least neutral) light.”

The results support and further explain a Pew Research Center survey from 2006, in which 47 percent of conservative Republicans in the U.S. described themselves as “very happy,” while only 28 percent of liberal Democrats indicated such cheer.

The same rationalizing phenomena could apply to personal situations as well.

“There is no reason to think that the effects we have identified here are unique to economic forms of inequality,” the researchers write. “Research suggests that highly egalitarian women are less happy in their marriages compared with their more traditional counterparts, apparently because they are more troubled by disparities in domestic labor.”

The current study was funded by the National Science Foundation.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,354424,00.html

(Please people, recognize that this is satirical, ok?)

Washington Woman Dissatisfied with Her Sex Life

Really, I’m not sure they covered this training in criminal justice. I think.

I have family members I can ask though.

Washington woman has fit over unhappy sex life

Posted by Noelle Crombie, The Oregonian
Noelle Crombie, The Oregonian –> May 03, 2008 06:01AM

The Kitsap Sun’s most emailed story this morning? Unsatisfying sex life leads to Silverdale woman’s meltdown. Turns out the woman’s husband decided the couple was going to adopt a more Christian lifestyle, the paper reports.

When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.

During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family’s 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.

click it for larger image…

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I’d either shoot the dog, or get in and go for a good LONG ride. Three or four days would do it.

Pit Bull Gets Stuck In Engine Of Truck

Man Had Just Paid $1,000 To Fix Truck

http://www.kcra.com/news/16180027/detail.html

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I have had some really interesting web searches lately that generated hits to this blog. Some hits involved: starvation, suicide, lemur enemies, grazer safety bullets, obama, and the Squirrelman.

I will attempt to answer most of them in one posting. In the context of Lemurs.

About Lemurs

Lemurs have some natural enemies, such as fossa, hawks, owls, snakes, and humans. Most Lemurs are far too busy to feel suicidal urges and would just as soon practice target shooting using Grazer Safety Bullets (they are ecologically conscious, living in a rainforest environment. Lemurs do not spend time thinking about how long it would take a person to starve to death, instead focusing their energy to get enough food in the hopes of never finding out what it is like firsthand. Lemurs live in a matriarchal society (female dominated) and most likely the males are saddled with a cruel wife (soul brothers). Lemurs do not care about who votes for Obama and who votes for Clinton, or even McCain due to their feelings of terrible disenfrachisement living on a remote-ish island. Lemurs follow “Squirrelman” with fascination as there are none to be found in Madagascar.

Lemurs really should get more attention. They are ancient, don’t you know?

(click to enlarge)

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Hell, they are BOTH Evil. Who cares?

(courtesy PhotoBucket http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k117/psu2219/2bw8r9.gif)

Too Good to Not Post - Hillary Egg Yolk Separator

Flashback: Mountain Men Anonymous

Tuesday Update:

This just in… Those wascally French! Terror in the skies! Someone needs to take this pilot aside and calmly, gently, and with heartfelt emotion, inform him that they are saddened by his behavior and that they are going to have to watch him pick up every last one of his teeth with broken fingers.

Passenger jet makes terrifying 10,000ft climb to dodge another plane because pilot was ’showing off’ to a child.
This shows poor judgment.

Second Tuesday Update:

Josef Fritzl, a monster, continues to horrify the world with his behavior.

Now, on to your regularly scheduled post…

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[Note: Be patient, and your perseverance will be rewarded, for the graphic is down below, but do read the accompanying material.]

Let us, gentle reader, hearken back to a moment faded as though through the mists of time… the year is 1993.

It is a time of a more care-free existence, one marred mostly by The Great Prevaricator and his First Hag. It was a time when gas was still cheap, the term “metrosexual” hadn’t been invented (1994), and terrorists were more like a couple of malcontent high schoolers than true assholes.

We were living off of the fruits of trickle-down economics, and had not yet really begun to miss the Gipper, not like we were in the coming years. Things had been better, but on the whole things were good and we were at peace with ourselves.

In short, life was like Big Rock Candy Mountain. (where the bulldogs all have rubber teeth)

In 1993 a curious thing happened. Suddenly the small town of Grant’s Pass, Oregon (Pop. 30,930 in 2006) had it’s collective IQ drop by a staggering 26% instantly, leaving it unable to carry on even the most routine of tasks for a period of roughly 14 hours. Miraculously no one died but there were several catastrophic personal hygiene incidents surrounding a number of citizens thought to be critically compromised in grey matter in the first place.

What happened to cause this precipitous decline? One could ponder most of a day and on into the night and still come no closer to the awful truth: The Mountain Men Anonymous Club initiation had gone wrong - horribly horribly awry, in fact. Read the article below for the full account of the root cause of the Brown-Note Spring of ‘93, if you dare.

Warning: The contents you may be about to read may be disturbing and graphic or just plain hilarious in nature. This blog is not responsible for any liquids that may be spewed onto your monitor or keyboard nor severe cramps due to laughter or nausea. You have been warned.

Click Graphic to Enlarge

When Your Time is Up, IT IS UP

Ok, this has got to suck. And here we all thought they were just big chunks of metal. Civil War cannon-ball is was not dead.

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We have had proof of alien life for years. No idea why the guys at Area 51 let these go other than the fact that they were getting so damned tiresome. No one can listen to pious freaks indefinitely. PETA rears it’s ugly head.

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Obama once again shows his ability to not think on his feet in times requiring actual thought. Sen. Obama, when does life begin?

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Chelsea Clinton showed her prowess as a charismatic future politician of America drawing in a vast crowd of as many as 15 people this weekend.

What a crowd.

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I posted this last week, but doggone it, no one even remarked upon this. Can you imagine how many men will be able to go on to have lucrative porn careers after a marital “spat”? When you can grow appendages back… They grew back an inch’s worth of a guy’s finger, folks! This is more important than the recipe for Toll-House cookies! Maybe.

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And here is a link that I’m putting in because, gosh darn it, I like bamboo. And not just my tablet.

I want to plant some in the back yard. I hear it can be like mint and problematic if you don’t watch it. But the stuff is basically GRASS. How cool is that, eh?

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And, here’s the fluff piece…

(Photo credit to Pop-PR - my views in no way represent his or vice-versa, he just used one of the gosh-darnedest cute puppy pics I’ve seen in a while) Cat’s are ok, but they absolutely refuse to be so “with you” that they are willing to play fetch on the freeway. Dogs can and do give you that kind of companionship - sheer blind devotion. Cats barf on things. Or in the case of this weekend, my wife’s cat peed in her shoes.

Cockroaches, Why Did There Have To Be Cockroaches…?

Update: My buddy EW1(SG) just gave me hell for grossing him out with cockroaches. Oh, this will really strain a friendship, but what the hell, no guts no glory. I can’t claim credit on this one but I can give it where it is due. Go to this site and look at the T-SHIRT.

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Sometimes, to cheer a friend up, you gotta gross ‘em out.

Said friend related a story explaining his hatred of roaches. In his small room they had a habit of getting inside the TV, then doing a good job at self-immolation on a HV connection.

My version of blowing sunshine up someone’s butt required this response.

Look at the bright side:

1) You have a bugzapper

2) You have incense

3) Both were for no more price than that of watching TV

My post for tonight is the tool I used for the gross-out. It is something I cooked up - the cutting diagram for the American Cockroach, Periplaneta americana. I assume it is called the American Cockroach because they are so well suited for the BBQ.

It was buried in the UN-Bug Eating Post, but here is the TerraLobster™ (AKA “CockTails”) concept along the same lines.

cocktails-brochure (PDF FILE)

Your Second Amendment Rights

Sorry, I’ve been out of it today. Woke up in an incredible amount of pain and been down all day. Just now feeling like I might want to be up.

I am a stauch die-hard supporter of the right to keep and bear arms, a Second Amendment guy all the way. I do believe these fellas might have stepped over the line. If it were up to me, you’d carry whatever you wanted any time you wanted (with the exception of automatics, RPG’s and the like). I would even go so far as to say that I’d register my weapons if there was some guarantee that no one could ever use that information to come take my firearms away from me - it has happened before in this world.

My key point is, self-defense should never be taken from you.

But if you start endangering others you have stepped over the line. WAY over the line. And it is guys like these that give people that want to take away your rights lots of excuses to do so.

Two Men Fatally Shoot Each Other In Newark

Reporting
Dave Carlin

NEWARK (CBS) ― Two men fatally shot each other after they brawled in Newark on Saturday afternoon.

The incident began around 2 p.m., said Det. Todd McClendon, a Newark police spokesman.

Police did not confirm what sparked the brawl, nor disclose the names of the combatants, but witnesses told CBS 2 the victims were a teenager nicknamed Bishop, and a 22-year-old named Jeron. They say there was a fight over turf, and may have involved a third man who fled in a car. One of the weapons used was an uzi, a type of submachine gun.

“I know both of them both of them,” said Newark Resident Amani Shakur. Both are generally good guys. I don’t know what happened.”

McClendon said one man was pronounced dead at the scene, while the other was taken to University hospital in Newark, where he died a short time later.

There have now been 22 homicides in Newark this year, compared to 31 that had occurred by this time last year.

http://wcbstv.com/topstories/Newark.Street.Fight.2.715396.html

Will Black Voters Stay Home if Obama Loses the Bid?

You know I’m about as conservative as one gets politically, but in a streak of seriousness, you could ask this question:

Will black voters stay home if Obama loses nomination?

NDIANAPOLIS — Many black voters are making it very clear: They’re concerned that Barack Obama is going to be denied the Democratic presidential nomination that they see as rightfully his, and if that happens, a lot of them may stay home in November.

“It would hurt me not to vote,” said Charles Clark, an Indianapolis retiree. He’s thinking about leaving the presidential box on his ballot blank this fall if Hillary Clinton is the Democrats’ nominee.

“There was a heck of a push made so blacks could vote. I know that,” he said. “But it would also be very unfair if they pushed Barack Obama to the side.”

Michelle Moore, an Indianapolis housewife, is less gentle: “Hillary Clinton would not even still be in the race if Obama was a white man,” she said.

Her tough tone was common this week in this city’s black community. Why, people asked, is the Illinois senator’s relationship with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright being judged so harshly? Why won’t Democratic Party officials acknowledge that Obama’s in the lead and unite around him?

(excerpted from link above - http://www.mcclatchydc.com/227/story/35516.html)

David Lightman and William Douglas (McClatchy Newspapers) did ask that question. The other question to ask is…

Is this what it best for the country?

Short answer? Oh absolutely (says McCain). Maybe. Dunno. Not sure at all. It is good in the sense that the political process still works - you can vote, or not - it’s your choice.

In any case I think McCain has a high likelihood of being elected unless he is caught in one of those rest-stop raids (you know, the kind of setting that Senator Craig dreams about).

I’m not going to write everything going on in my head but I’ll drop this on the table and let folks chew on it.

A co-worker stopped in my office yesterday and mentioned that during his long commute he was books-on-disc-ing the history of Fall of Rome. What came out of it was that yes, Rome was hedonistic, had some “issues”, lead pipes, etc. But he said something that I knew but didn’t THINK about.

He said that by all accounts Rome fell apart because it had stretched far and wide and it’s people were too diverse to be cohesive.

THINK ABOUT THAT. STOP, PAUSE, AND THINK ABOUT IT.

The liberal mantra for years proclaims that diversity is the grail. Where did that nugget of wisdom come from? It’s not historical, that’s for sure.

This isn’t an anti-black post. It’s not an anti-diverse post. It’s a post about the dangers of trying to achieve a diversity where everyone joins and stays a member of their group rather than joining and becoming a member of THIS group: The US. The tired cry of “African American”, “Muslim American”, “Chinese American”… what the hell, people? Are you a citizen? Fine, you are American. Forget the rest. I’m not a “German American” and I don’t meet with other “German Americans” to celebrate my heritage. That’s a crutch and a way to say to others that you are going to exclude others from your group.

So what we’re seeing now is entire demographics behaving like gangs and voting on the person, not their merits. A lot more people are happy with their candidates than they have any right to be with this election cycle, because they all stink.

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Some day I would like to explore the timeless stumbling block… if someone is a man/woman/alien, or whatever, and they perceive themselves as being set aside (rightly or wrongly) and they don’t win (for perfectly valid reasons) then what is the way to defuse the rallying cry of “I didn’t get voted/hired/chosen because of what I am?” Apparently the New York Times thought it worth muddying the water with:

Supporters of both Democratic candidates said that they did not think the Wright episode should change the race but said, again and again, that they feared it might in other, less cosmopolitan areas of Indiana where they thought people might be searching for some acceptable explanation for not voting for a black candidate.

Source: New York Times

So next time I go for a job and don’t get it, will I be able to claim that I wasn’t hired because of my hearing loss? Perhaps. Or because of my tendency to eat Kimchee as a snack at midnight? Perhaps.

But what about the legitimate cases where a decision was made based on pure merit yet one perceives themselves to be the underdog as a result of some distinguishing feature? Shall we have an inquisition every time there is a hiccup? How do we make a determination that the claim is valid?

I’m not sure that we can, because of the factions of us vs. them as happened in Rome.

Clinton: I will not target sanctuary cities.

Sooooo, right here you have a presidential candidate tell you quite frankly that she is against upholding the nation’s laws. <ding!>

Hillary Clinton, in the second half of her first-ever interview with FOX News’ Bill O’Reilly, said that if elected president she would not crack down on so-called illegal immigrant “sanctuary cities.”

Targeting Sanctuary Cities

Deviant Behavior

Newsflash: DC Madam Commits Suicide

Not a conspiracy theory nut, but does anyone wonder if it was an “assisted” suicide? She had a lot of enemies just within the covers of her books… Vincent Foster ring a bell? Now I’m not saying anything, I’m just saying that based on a person’s past behavior he might be inclined to continue that behavior and perhaps endanger a life-partner’s bid for the presidency, not that she’d do anything about it, of course.

(these games are fun!)

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And this will blow your mind.  I was just reading about the topic in Scientific American this morning, then see this on the ‘net.

Growing back severed fingertip.  Just keep it moist, sprinkle seed powder, and stand back… be amazed.

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A really life-or-death performance here on YouTube. Hillary and her presidential candidate mettle are tested to the fullest in this head-on with a pop machine. Gripping, folks. Just hang on, is all I can say. Really.

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Well, the bastard keeps coming back just like a case of athlete’s foot. Unfortunately in neither case can you fix the problem with gasoline and a pack of matches.

Against people such as this sick freak, who could damage innocent children like this, I have certain moral flexibility.

A wonderful scene in Manhunter (Graham, played by William Petersen):

[Discussing serial killer Dollarhyde, who hasn't been identified yet, only profiled...]

Jack Crawford: You feel sorry for him.

Will Graham: As a child, my heart bleeds for him. Someone took a little boy and turned him into a monster. But as an adult… as an adult, he’s irredeemable. He butchers whole families to fulfill some sick fantasy. As an adult, I think someone should blow the sick fuck out of his socks.

Except in this case, we should just stick with the last sentence.

I’ll try to find cheerier stuff later, but this sort of thing weighs heavily on me.

-LK

Techno-Babble - X-treme Geek Rocks.

Quick Update:

It’s getting pretty bad when your ENEMIES give you the silent treatment (rolls eyes). Poor poor bitchy Hillary… What’s a witch gotta do to get treated like a queen around here?

X-treme Geek has once again earned hosannas in my humble (but still really really important) opinion.

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It’s the X-treme Geek USB Forklift!!!

RC ForkLift

I don’t know what I’d lift with it, but I need one anyway. Bad. Real bad. Wet-your-pants-if-you-aren’t -granted-gratification-within-20-minutes bad.

I know my wife (aka “Frog”) reads this drivel that I write so maybe I can get one without groveling.

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Since the Universe is not without balance (meaning God has a wicked funny sense of humor) the mixed variety of individuals at X-treme Geek have another offering…

The Deluxe ION USB Turntable

Please, since my hearing is 50% gone and wear hearing aids, correct me if I’m wrong… vinylphiles keep their LP’s because the analog nature of the LP gives music more depth/range/warmth and leads to reduced chances of toenail cancer and bleeding gums in lab rats. So, I take my USB record player, put my LP on it, the signals get digitized at Nyquist sampling frequencies (44KHz) and sent over the USB link and through my digital sound card and spit out to my speakers. How is this useful? Great! Now I can cart around my LP’s and a bulky player everywhere! And less quality “Win-win”, oh yeah.

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Honorable mention goes to the Remote Revolver.

Remote Revolver

I would remove the little orange-red thingy. If I’m going to pretend I’m shooting my tv in my own home, I’m going to do it w/o ruining the illusion. It beats my current system which will only turn off the tv. My current controller requires no batteries, and is really hard to lose - it’s called The Brick and comes in red, brown, and grey colors.

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A cool Universal Card Reader:

Universal Card Reader

Neato! I like the simtel aspect of it.

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And lastly, the single most obnoxious thing I can imagine ever walking, rolling, or slithering across the face of this earth, besides most current-office-holding democrats…

Coco, the cute but soon to be short-lived alarm clock

Little Coco would last just one single night (morning). It would then go through stages of decombobulation.

1. Stabbing via Abalone Knife (reserved for just such occasion, but with normal clocks)
2. Burning, using ashes and sugar to prolong the pain
3. Crushing blows via 15lb sledgehammer, with lots of garlic (can’t be too sure with these things)
4. Wrapping in a bag of salt
5. Burial, 6 ft deep hole, minimum
6. Pavement over the top of the hole, not less than 6″ thick

To close today’s festivities, I can speak for all of us, I’m sure, when I say that this is a MUST HAVE item.

Laser Tag = Fun.
Laser Tag + Shocking The Snot Out Of You = Scream-Like-A-Girl Fun.