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Archive for the ‘cool’ Category

Humbling.

Saw this guy on the MugTome interwebnetsite.

Paul Smith has more grace in his smallest fart than I have in my entire body.

I could probably use a good ass-kicking for my crappy attitude.

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Pic for a Sith.

The Dude sent a pic perfectly suited for the Sith.

A Sith BBQ thingy.

20140725-000502-302300.jpg

That is all.

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Sea to shining sea.

The hearse with the extension ladder in front of us braked heavily, sending up a cloud of dust in the gravel road.

Nice opening sentence, huh?

Cruel Wife stomped her brakes soon after a breath whistled between my passenger-seat-driver teeth. I have never been comfortable when to driving in spite of asking her to drive roughly two-thirds of the time.

“Hey, there is a clown on the back of that hearse. An evil clown.”

“Yeah, I saw it,” she replied. “I mentioned that already.”

“Sure makes a statement when you own a hearse with an extension ladder, huh? Not sure what it says though.”

More whistles and sharp intakes of breath filled the car as people crossed the road in a dizzying flurry of cheap LED lights and glow-in-the-dark rings. This time she braked in a sharp rebuke to my neck, a nonverbal cue that I should be quiet and let her drive.

I respected her wishes for a count of five and then said “Gosh, that was quite a fireworks show for a small county like [name_censored]. It was huge. And the music they played… Patriotic American music, all of it good, except maybe Bruce Springsteen. ‘Born in the USA’, ok, yeah I get it, but he’s a huge liberal and then, too, was twerker-butt whatserface I think you said. With that choice of songs, I tell you what… the people of [name_censored] County did not elect Obama.”

“No, no they didn’t,” said Cruel Wife, grinding her molars even flatter. She is no fan of the man.

Not wanting her to drive angry for a second time tonight (the first of which I will tell you of tomorrow) I changed the topic. Driving angry with Cruel Wife is a lot like being on a decaying out of control carnival ride when the operator has just died from one too many Elephant ears.

“You know, there are people who fear clowns.” I could not remember the latin and missed a great chance to dazzle my children once more with my brilliance. Coulrophobia is the term, but remembering it ten minutes later impresses no one.

“Oh yeah?

“Sure. The Butcher of Lansing hates clowns, and at work The Dread Queen’s husband is terrified of them. She wouldn’t even take my evil clown mask home to torture him. It is crippling.”

My daughter seemed vulnerable to some teasing so I informed the kids that Killer Klowns from Outer Space is one of my favorite movies. I said “So what happens in the movie is…”

Lemurita yelled “Nooooo! Don’t say it!”

As I hoped she had taken my bait, swallowing the lure completely and setting the hook. “Since you ask, what happens is that evil space clow…”

“NOOOOOO!” she screamed shrilly. “I don’t want to hear it!”

To Cruel Wife I said “I am so evil.”

“Yes.”

HackerBoy had been pretty quiet and I heard him say in his soft voice “What happens in the movie?” Over his sister’s loud ‘la-la-la-la’ with her fingers in her ears I explained to him the incredible depth and nuances of the movie, a feat that took all of a minute with time left over to add, “It is a cool and funny movie.” I am not sure he was convinced.

I can only hope that some day we can enjoy Bubba Ho-Tep and John Dies at the End together.

“Hey, is that a hand sticking out of the bumper?”

“I said that already,” sighed Cruel Wife resignedly.

Thirty minutes before we had been waiting for the start of the [name_censored] County Family Laser Light and Fireworks Show. It finally cranked up with one of the better performances of the National Anthem that I have ever heard. My legs had fallen asleep so I had to settle for hat off and hand over my heart while sitting on the ground. It is perhaps a lapse in my parenting that I had to remind my kids to sit up and put their hands over their hearts, but they did it, so I am not displeased.

The lasers fired up and I realized that they were aimed out over the crowd and they were perhaps outside of my comfort zone in intensity. I work with lasers every single day and some of them (most) are high power lasers so I felt justified in my concern. I could do little else besides tell them to not stare at the sources where the scatter was brightest and look elsewhere. If Murphy and his damn law showed up and blinded everyone I wasn’t going to leave us with no one to drive home. We could go into MPE and laser eye safety, and debate the actual damage in this situation, but I like my vision.

The lasers did not last long and soon we heard song after patriotic song.

The fireworks themselves were awesome. Flat out the best I have seen, and I never expected that good of a show at [name_censored] County Family Laser Light and Fireworks Show. The bursts went on nonstop for a very long time, did a finale, and then a rib-cage-squeezing and ear-ringing encore.

I knew I was being played, with the music selection and show biz aspect of things, but I remembered with some feeling that I was damn glad to be an American and was actually moved by they whole thing. For some reason it just seemed to me that in our area, the prevailing crowd’s attitude tonight was one of “We needed this.”

Pretty amazing for a cynic like me. But it made me determined that those of us who do love our country need to get it back from the “bipartisan” slimebags in our government who think this next election will leave them untouched. Immigration Reform is not the future of America.

I sat there on the blanket on a mosquito-less cool summer night with my arm around HackerBoy and Lemurita snuggled close to steal what heat she could, and was thankful for it.

Seemed like it was a pretty good lead-in to Father’s Day.

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It is I… SARCASM MAN.   I’ll do a Captain Sarcasm one in a few days and y’all can vote on it.

SARCASM MAN****

I did hint that the coolness had nothing to do with anything I was working on.

I’m big into flexures in mechanisms, because they exploit materials.  This one uses composites to make shocks built into the wheel of the bicycle.  The even cooler part is the tri-fold symmetry works to resist the lateral “roll” of the composite loop.  Much like a leaf spring, the other two arms of the spring act to laterally stabilize any one spring.  Very cool.

wheel

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Tonight Lemurita said “I have some friends at school have been telling me about Assassin’s Creed III.”

Me:  Yes, that is a game that is currently out.

Lemurita:  They’ve been telling me…

Me:  I know where you are going with this.  Answer is still “No” just like 5 months ago when you asked if you could play it and Mom and I voted it down.

Lemurita:  You don’t let me see anything scary or play games like that.

Me:  Yeah, but you also get to see some things that I think you can handle, like The Matrix, so there is that.

Lemurita:  It’s a game.

Me:  I know.  I am an awful Dad, probably one of the worst, and you should give me a “D” on my Daddy Report Card.

Lemurita:  Well other than those things you are a great Dad, but I think I will mark it on your card.

Me:  Good, I think you should do that then, see if it changes things for you.  Now go on and get your pj’s on and get ready for bed.

… … …

I don’t know for sure but I think that went reasonably well.  I think for Father’s Day I’m probably going to get some dog poo preserved in acrylic, though.  I’m finding with this girl that the whole Oak vs. Willow tree analogy is a load of crap, and I just have to be a slow but very large river, say the Columbia, and let her windsurf at will until she gets cold and soggy and heads in to shore for some corndogs and greasy jo-jos at the local corner gas station.  Crappy metaphor but it sort of works.

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You know my love of knives.  For some reason this one just appeals to me.  Go buy one.

horseshoe_knife_by_logan_pearce_by_night_everclear-d4tufy5

*****

Just a statement of fact, no links – I’m seeing this new Pope and I think I like the guy.  I’m not Catholic but I still have a lot of respect for the Pope.  When he can stand up at the Vatican and say “May God forgive you for what you have done” after being chosen, there is a guy who knows nuance, has a sense of humor, and oh-so-subtly set the tone of what he will and will not call “bullshit” on during his time here as Pope.  I also think he’s going to give the commander of the Swiss Guard ulcers from worry.

An old joke – no idea where it came from:

“I wouldn’t mind being a cardinal.  I definitely wouldn’t want to be the Pope though.  I’m not a papal person.”

Somehow listening to “The Smoking Popes” do their number “The Pope Smokes Dope” when we have a Pope with only one lung won’t be the same. (go look it up on Youtube – I need to go to bed – they’re punkers)

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The Urean Terrorists have struck an elevator in the Long Island Rail Road station.  Looks like the damage was pretty bad.  Apparently if you have enough home-grown terrorists who drank shitty wine drop trou in the elevator and whiz until their bladder is empty enough times you can destroy the floor and the works of the elevator down below.  As in “may be totalled”.

Is it really so hard to put a liquid sensor in there that locks the elevator (or electrocutes the sonofabitch) just as soon as the floor gets moist?  Then have it autodial the cops and the meat wagon to come get the trash out of the elevator.

Come on… someone  had to have noticed that it smelled like the cleaning closet at a sorority house during Greek Week.  Get enough people involved it is actually worse than cat piss.

****

We need a pic from Cruel Wife to liven this post up in a nice way – like putting up curtains or something.  A Glasswing Butterfly.  She won’t let me put up pictures of Milla, Hendricks, or Theron, so we’ll be stuck with dragonlizardthings, chameleons, butterflies, and snowflakes. All of them are perfectly geared to the male psyche.

Glasswing Butterfly

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Like a bad rash that won’t go away, Obama was melancholy that the Evil Sequestration Perpetrated by the Republicans have forced him and the missus to move mee-maw out of the White House.  Yep, they packed up a U-Haul truck and drove her off to a slum somewhere, may a pox rot the Republican’s eyes.

****

I notice the enraged rioters complaining about a teen carrying a gun who was fatally shot.  One article says two shots were in the back and three shots in the front.  You could automatically call it that the dirty cops shot him in the back and he turned to them in a plea for his life and they shot him again as he tried to show his weapon.  You could also say that he was facing them, told them he had a gun, and made a dumb move that got him shot three times, spun around and shot twice more.  Shot in the back sounds emotional as hell but did those shots come first or last?

As veeshir noted, the kid supposedly was going to turn in the gun in between church service and volunteering at a soup kitchen.  Go see just how bad veeshir’s case of Oyster Herpes is.  I heard from him that it hurts like hell and makes your junk all scaly and dry.  Actually, he is to be commended for an awesome McGoo-Style headline that was actually supported by the linkage in the post.

Fact is, the kid was packing on the street.  Smartest move would have been to stand really still and follow the police’s directions to the letter.

What I’m not getting is why rioters are destroying local businesses.  This seems like a pretty silly way to treat your friends when it was someone else who pissed you off.  What it smacks of is thugs living in their own little “we good, everyone else bad, cops should all die” club.  It has the feel of Detroiters and Chicagoans drowning and choking in their own shit.

Witness accounts seem to be evolving from cop interviews “couldn’t see much” to reporter interviews “he didn’t have a gun in his hand”.

But City Councilman Jumaane Williams, a frequent NYPD critic, blasted outsiders who he said escalated tensions. “Please stay the HELL out of our community will only agitate our kids,” Williams fumed on Twitter. “It’s dangerous and counterproductive.”

Sorry, but police kind of have this job description that says swaths of the city cannot become lawless islands filled with gun-totin’ juveniles.  Your kids need to agitate a bit less and quit going through life thinking that it’s all about them.
****
Ok, more Cruel Wife decorations.  Think doilies on the arms of chairs and lace coffee coaster things.
This is just like that except it is fagile, crystalline water at reasonably high pressure (for an SEM) and probably pretty damn cold.
SEM Snowflake
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Apparently the last of the little tinglies have run back down Chris Matthew’s leg (that’s called urine, Chris… Jesus, get a grip, man, you’re pissing yourself).  For a guy who lived through the budget issues in the 90’s he is sure doing a good job of painting the coming of the Four Horsemen.

Matthews: “How does Barack Obama escape this frightening axe coming down sharply and brutally on his presidency? How does he avoid personal harm when the country rises up in anger? When the army and naval bases stop writing checks? When people stop shopping because they don’t have salaries? When the airports seize up because the air traffic controllers are cut? When the bitching and yelping reach up to the White House gates themselves? What will we do when the government itself shuts down because Congress won’t authorize another nickel in spending?

****

Have another gratuitous evil demon-kitty pic.  She still does this and leaps, delivering silent death from above.

treedcat

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The sequester is not the end of the world – I repeat NOT the end of the world.  But you have concerned commenters who feel that it is, and not only that they can’t get a lot right.

Terrylee

March 14th, 2013
2:31 pm

Okay…….what hold does Obama have on you jerks,,,we know Rogers was blackmailed for something he did not want made public…look you are suppose to defend the constitution and Nothing else…we donot want your personal opinions, period. Donot belittle your position anymore than you already have…we must cut the budget and we must do more to cut the budget that will effect everyone. The country is about to undergo the worst possible change ever, we are about to lose the us reserve currency in the world, the IMF and many other countries are about to drop the USA dollar as the reserve currency..which means our dollare will be worth Nothing. The feds keep printing money to give to banks to stop them from raising interest rates…the government(Obama) is trying to Nationalize all retirement plans..401ks..IRAs etc… so they can steal all 15 trillion dollars of Americans retirement plans…we are about to lose our place in the world and all money in banks will be lost and your worried about :What”……….A new unified currency is planned in world meetings right now to replace the dollar……we have serious problems facing this nation. You are now owned by Obama……we no longer have faith in our system of justice.

Count the errors.  It’s fun.

Common Sense below, is bereft of it.

Common Sense

March 14th, 2013
2:27 pm

Good. Trim everything but military and fire 98% of govt workers including the Supreme Court. If they can’t survive with the money they get, trim all the friviolous cases they embrace that gives them an excuse to ask for more tax dollars. Cut the purse strings and sever the head of the snake.

That’s great – get rid of one of the three pillars of government and throw a pile of checks and balances into the incinerator.  Good thinking – and end up with an even less fiscally responsible God-King and Parliament for Life.

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A Post On Flying. Sorta.

Short post.  Picture.

Reminds me of my middle nephews’ 8th birthday party.

Enjoy.

Attack of the Flying Squirrels

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As an attention grabber, I have totally stolen something from Bunk Strutts.  A certain amount of shame was involved, yes.

It is sad.  But I’ve more or less come to terms with it and have moved on.

I like Pugs.  I really didn’t steal this for any other reason than that I like Pugs.

Full disclosure: And he obtained it from here… http://www.amyoops.com/2012/08/from-my-inbox.html#.UDQrhqBA2tY

No, it’s not a sick kind of “I like Pugs” thing, I just think they’re ugly enough to be cute and I haven’t seen many mean ones.

****

Semi-alert reader ID10T Killer has sent me a second image that he says was flashed on his screen in a sidebar advertisement at Tom’s Hardware during his first visit on a totally virgin machine on it’s maiden voyage. (The first image can be found here.)

Now, this means one of the following:

  1. He’s either a lyin’ perv (which I’m not saying is a bad thing) and they’ve totally got his number  (odds of this are somewhere between 30% and 0.00001% but I ain’t telling because if I tell, he tells)
  2. Tom’s Hardware just figures 99% of their clientele consists of males who cannot find a real woman who will get (and stay) within 10 feet of him  (ID10T Killer is married, with kids)
  3. Tom’s Hardware is tracking people in ways we can’t believe
  4. Random sh*t happens all the time and even blind squirrels find nuts once in a while

If #2 didn’t make much sense, Tom’s Hardware is Geek Central.  Either accept that as gospel or go see for yourself.

Now, all that said, ID10T Killer and I have wondered…

“What in the hell is Wartun3, and are you going to be exposed to “t3nt@cl3 53x” or a major payload of nasty code just for being curious?”†

I doubt either of us is going to go check it out.  And we probably wouldn’t tell you if we did.

As Cruel Wife can attest, I have a thing for short cute brunettes with sometimes violent tendencies, so the graphic was at least interesting.

Apologies, because I am no fan of l33t-speak, but neither do I want web-crawling stuff sniffing me out for the term “t3nt@cl3 53x” so I threw in some pseudo-l33t.  Don’t even think about flaming me about my improper ‘spelling’ because I don’t even claim to know it all that well.

****

And, this just in from the Bizarro Universe…

Study:  Marriage causes women to drink more than men

****

And a hearty:

“THANK YOU, PAL!”

… to Aggie Sith and Cruel Wife.

Cruel Wife just visited Aggie’s site (Sithy Things) where she posted the recipe for a drink called “Witch’s Brew”.  She laughed at the drink and the name and I said “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it’s Aggie post today” chirped Cruel Wife.

I thought hard.  “Wait, what was the post again?  Oh, the drink…”

“… Witches Brew,” she finished for me.

Cruel Wife read the ingredients list and said “‘Black sugar’ is an ingredient?  I’ve never heard of ‘black sugar’.”

Trying to be helpful because (a) I was pretty sure it wasn’t a common variant of heroin, and (b) I’m a food-lover and interested in all things food, I said “Hang on… I’ll look it up… okay… Bing-dot-com… b-l-a-c-k space s-u-g-a-r… waiting… waiting… oh, it’s some kind of Taiwanese variant of way darker brown sugar and…”

I stopped, stared, and then I finished with “… Goddammit, you better thank me for doing that search for you.”

Confused, Cruel Wife said “What, why should I tha… black sugar… oooooohhhh.  (insert ‘bwah-hah-hah-hah here)

One cannot un-ring the bell once it has been rung.  Dammit, I’ve been on the web 20 years and should have known better.  I’ve seen worse, I just don’t like being surprised by it.

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