Note: I had put an anti-troll disclaimer up at this very spot but then read McGoo’s response to Troll Tessa, and thought “Damn, the wind ‘neath my wings… I will persevere! I will survive!
Clubbing virtual seals. Oh. My. God. This sounds like so much fun. It almost makes me want to join up with Enas Yorl and hurt furry wittle things.
You getting this? PETA is engaged in activist behavior against KILLING VIRTUAL SEALS IN A VIRTUAL UNIVERSE. Pictured is a screenshot of one of these virtual World of Warcraft seals:
A co-worker whom I shall refer to as Laconical Pup had this to say about it:
Killing the seals yields Chilled Meat, which is used in a wide variety of foods. And yes, those with the skinning profession can take skin dead seals, which can give them either leather or fur, either of which may be used (along with several other reagents) in the crafting of epic leather armor.
It’s also worth noting that these seals are level 68-69 and have around 7,500 hit points, and they respond aggressively to anyone that comes within their range. If you don’t treat them like the dangerous predators they are, they’ll kill you.
Yep, that sure fits the image above, doesn’t it?
As I delved more into it over at IGN:
A post on the PETA website attempts to rally the PETA forces to protest the slaughter of seals in World of Warcraft. The protest is to take place on the WhisperWind realm in the Howling Fjord zone, where baby seals live on glaciers. The poster points out that you must be at least level 70 in order to participate in the campaign, which is set for Saturday, April 11, at 1:00 PM ET. Protest guy writes:
That’s right, gamers, get ready: This Saturday, World of Warcraft (WoW) players will have the opportunity to combat a team of four Horde seal killers. We need your help to stop them from bashing in the heads of any more seals!
Thrall refused to ban the slaughter of seals, despite multiple requests from the Alliance to do so, because Orgrimmar stands to make a large profit from the fur.
Activists from across the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor are banding together to put a stop to the atrocious seal slaughter. Anyone who slaughters baby seals for their fur must surely be in service to the evil Lich King.
If you wish to go mock a fruitcake at PETA, go here. Hell, if you wish to mock a PETA fruitcake you can stay right here and do it! I’d love to hear your best “I screwed with a PETA fruitcake by ________” essays!
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Want to know who your real enemy is? Guys like Juan Williams who want to make you helpless and feel smugly superior while arguing for it.
He thinks that by taking away guns it’ll somehow actually make them go away. Idiot.
There’s no shortage of carbon-copies/xeroxes of him, either.
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Suicide Victim Jumps, Lands On NYC Shopper
Sorry, but there is no such thing as a suicide victim. Nor a suicide bomber. There are “successful suicide pilgrim” and “killers”, though.
I’ve got two family members that committed suicide. There’s no such thing as a suicide victim, sorry. The kid she landed on is another story.
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How disingenuous can you get? Pretty darned, if you are Russia. And Obamessiah is naive enough to buy it.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev admitted to President Obama during their summit meeting last week that American intelligence estimates … have been more accurate than Russia’s…
… Moscow is now said to be open to “much more severe” punishment for Tehran if the regime there persists in enriching uranium into 2010.
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Obameh. Did he bow or didn’t he? Meh. I wanna know if Obama really gave Abdullah a Chiabama Pet™ as a greeting gift.
Next on his list would probably be Green Slime™ or Pop Rocks™. I notice Obama tends to give gifts that he himself enjoys and is less so interested in matching gifts to the person.
There’s already a PETA presence in WoW… They have you go around and kill and collect ears from the evil hunters. They have a whole quest line and at the end you get the achievement title of “D.H.E.T.A.’s Little P.I.T.A.” (DHETA being something starting with Druids…something… for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.” You free mammoth calves from evil traps, you disrupt and steal crates of “animal parts” from the Loot Crazed Hunters, you set traps and watch the hunters fall into them and die. The hunters run around saying things like “Stupid animal” and “Only 50 more hooves and I get the steak knife set!”
You can’t go near the DHETA encampment after you’ve killed an animal because you get a covered in blood debuff and they attack you when you get close. Gotta wait till it wears off.
I believe it was done as tongue in cheek snark against PETA since it is so over the top.
I just think the whole amount of seriousness with which they take themselves is rather hilarious. It’s like a kitten that thinks it is really really fierce.
And has kitty litter stuck to it’s butt.
Well, I’m nowhere near level 70 and not on that server so I’ll just have to forego the seal clubbing. I guess I’ll have to content myself with slaughtering the 100’s of other types critters available in WoW.
As long as you slaughter cute helpless critters, you’re golden.
I don’t even know where to start with such a barrage of lunacy. That you could put all that in one post is testament to your kingly powers. My brain hurts.
Oh, BTW, McGoo formally announced the Snooch Report–we’re not alone anymore.
People need a variety in their diet, sort of the four basic food groups of blogging: BS, lies, innuendo, and the occasional original thought.
As to McGoo… yes there was some discussion regarding that. I think a division is probably a good move.
Damn it, LK! I saw the headline and was hoping I could club some seals! I wanna squish seal babies! That oh-so-cute seal pup needs pulping sooo bad!
Then…I thought, “Enas! Yes, my precious! Enas has WoW-Fu skills in plenty! And he could get me into the game!”
Now I read here that he “claims” that he doesn’t have the points or credit or whatever. I bet he’s just saving them all for himself.
Rats.
…and I didn’t mention that you and cbullitt were my Beta test reviewers on the Snooch Report. You know – in case fambly was reading or sumpin.
No seal bopping….. waa.
No, I’m glad you didn’t mention that, otherwise Cruel Wife – who reads this blog – might get uptight.
Honestly folks, he told me “LK, go check it out!”
So I check it out and write back “Uh, McGoo, is this site SFW?”
“God NO!” he says.
So yeah I guess that’s “beta testing”. 🙂
Enas is a Level 76 Abdominizer with a special Fists-of-Death/Genitals-of-Fury attack, and don’t let him tell you otherwise. He could lick them seals with one buttock tied in front of his back.
Sorry folks. I’m exhausted, I have strep, and I have to pull an all-nighter – I’m a bit loopy, even for me.
Put that way it sounds like maybe I owe you (or Mrs. LK) an apology, LK?
Naaaaa……!
Genitals-of-Fury gives me a whole ‘nuther image of Enas, and it ain’t a pretty one! Damned-near spewed my coffee.
I hope the redesign is going well.
When I consulted and a client wanted me to do a redesign (on someone else’s work, not mine!), I usually took the HMFIC (head mf’er in charge) aside and reminded him that I charged significantly more for a “red” than for blank-sheet design. Like, up to double fee.
Redesign is much harder (on something that is (typically) already in production and found wanting) because certain system-level decisions already made are irreversible – like packaging, heatsinking and heat paths, connector location and type, power supply volume and interconnect, etc. This puts additional constraints upon the design “space” and makes the design effort more difficult.
No apology needed. I was funnin’ ya.
Steamboat McGoo if you meant what you said about killing baby sills then you are sick in the head , what you said made me want to be sick I’m not quite sure if you were being sarcastic or not? But I hope you were I think it is wrong to be violent to seals what have they ever done to you? :@ it makes me so angry to hear of these horrible things, and by the way Steamboat McGoo this wasn’t just aimed at you I’m talking to all the seal haters!
RE: ???????
…what you said made me want to be sick …
How sick did it make you? 🙂 I mean, did it just make you throw up inside your mouth a little, or just kinda queasy in the stomach?
Or did it make you explosively blow lunch – like you’d slurped up some 3-day old seal juice off the ice? That’s the part I want to hear about. 🙂
…what have they ever done to you? :@ it makes me so angry to hear of these horrible things…
What do you know about it? I bet you’ve never even seen a real seal in real life – except maybe nicely stuffed in a museum.
My mother and father and dog were all esophagus-fucked by a rabid seal before I was born. They say it affected the birth, and I was imprinted with a permanent fear of living seals. Since I never had a father (he died of shame shortly after his traumatic run-in with said throat-fucker) I never learned to man-up about my seal fear.
My therapist worked with me for years – teaching me to just pulp the shit outa them with a baseball bat instead of cooking them alive (and squealing!) and eating them in front of the tv. Yum-yum.
For some reason saying “slurped”, “3-day-old”, and “seal juice” all together makes me think of eating bad oysters on the half-shell. Baaaad oysters.
Seriously though, if we’re going to get all bent out of shape about seals, then let’s get bent out of shape about fish, cows, pigs, chicken, tofudebeests, and all the rest.
But you know what? I’m not going to get bent out of shape about them. I like pig, cow, chickens, tofudebeests, and friends. In fact my daughter is convinced that baby animals taste better (I’m so proud). See where this is going, kids?
In asia they make these little things called “shrimp chips”, which if you get the real thing are something like 90% actual shrimp instead of just flavored like shrimp (those are good, too, but different). I wonder if they do “seal chips”?
Mmmmm. Pulped Harp seal chips. Fried up in whale oil (none of that effing peanut oil!) until they’re really crisp and golden brown.
I’m kinda droobling out the corners of my mouth….
I’m thinking that you done scared ol’ ??????? off, McGoo.
Maybe “pulp the shit outta them” went out of bounds? Or was it the “cooking them alive (and squealing)”?
I just read the above comments. I “don’t get” the humor–but it seems some of you crap-brained simpletons find delight in the idea of inflicting death and terror on baby seals. You turds richly deserve a major load of agony.
steve, ever hear of sarcasm? Or have they not taught that in elementary school yet? Try a dictionary, or try looking up the word in a Thesaurus. You may find other words in there to define sarcasm, such as irony, aspersion, mordancy, sardonicism, satire, cynicism, etc.
Don’t let your lack of education hold you back.
Steve, Aggie is correct – apparently only crap-brained simpletons are capable of grasping sarcasm.
What is actually pretty sad is that you seem to think that I actually advocate walking up and clubbing a seal to death for it’s fur.
Honestly, I grew up in a hunting family and we ate what we killed. The idea of killing something purely for it’s fur is baffling. Now, if we’re talking about taking the fur and slurping down seal on the half-shell or bbq’ed, then I’m ok with that.
The idea that you could love a seal and then turn around and say that the people here richly deserve a major load of agony… I am straining to see how you could have the moral high ground here. Nope. Can’t see it.
Also, if you’re going to post a comment, have the balls to not do it anonymously, because right now you come across as a real turkey.
McGoo, to be called a CGGS… that is like the hugest friggin’ compliment **ever**. Wow. I bet you were all swelled up with pride for days.
LK–I told you before, this is the kind of idiocy you get when you leave the comments open forever.
If it takes a humorless retard A YEAR to find something to bitch about–and you let him–well…you might want to adjust the comment settings.
C Monster, I actually enjoy seeing what people freak out about. This posting gets the most hits – it is just amazing to me how many humorless retards come to it so long after the fact.
Can I take that “crap-brained simpletons” personally? I haven’t been called a decent expletive in over a year – and frankly, I’ve missed it.
I will dutifully record date, time, purported descriptor, etc in the book Of Names McGoo Was Called.
I remember when – years ago – I was called every name in the book (and some new ones that I won’t repeat, because I’m still savoring them!) about every week. But that was when I was young and energetic and could eat several live harp seals (my own formidable weight, usually) daily.
Why – once I was called a cum-guzzling gutter slut (I still cherish the memory) and a complete shit-licking fucktard all in the same day. Ah! The good ol’ days.
Alas – those days are gone, along with the kudos, the groupie worship, and the constant attention of troll-worthies like Steve and “?????” above.
The truth be told, I kinda pine for those days again…
I wonder if I could go down to the Gulf and smack the be-jebus out of some oil-soaked sea gulls – and maybe their young, if they’re not too grease-covered and slippery?
With all that oil floating around, who’d know?
Well, it appears that the dizzying depth of knowledge I’ve shown, carefully crafted arguments, and faultless logic have stunned steve into a baffled and respectful silence.
He’s no-doubt off in some quiet corner – marveling at my verbal acumen. I’m not at all surprised.
FUCK YOU,
seals really are clubbed
and if you are too fucking conceited and blinded by what you’d like to believe than doing something about it,
then why don’t you go fuck yourself in the throat with a chainsaw.
sicko.
i hope you die a far worse death than these poor seals do.
Ah, Tess, you had issues with reading and comprehension when you were in school didn’t you?
Yet she seems to communicate easily enough.
Good for you, tessa, to work through your limitations like that.
Tess, dear, if we humans weren’t better than the animals, we wouldn’t have chainsaws with which to fuck ourselves in the throat.
So really, you’re defeated by your own logic.
tessa yakush,
I can admire your feverish zeal. I really can. But sadly, your lack of reading comprehension, education, and morality negate that admirable zeal to the point of being a product of mental retardation. Try to follow:
First, you claim “seals really are clubbed”, with no notations to extend debate. Yes, they are clubbed, but you forget one vital fact: it’s not just for their fur, and hunting is controlled by quotas based on recommendations from several organizations. Not only that, but the hunting of baby seals, and even teen seals, is extremely prohibited. Though most hunting is done by firearm, however, and limited to cull the herds, clubbing is not only sanctioned by governmental regulations, it is a vital part of Inuit culture to hunt in this manner.
Second, your command that the author fuck himself “in the throat with a chainsaw” is just– what’s the word I’m looking for?– ignorant. Tell me, oh zealous one, just how is this feat done?? Maybe your sexual education class failed to cover basic human anatomy.
But by far your most egregious error was your third and last: calling for the death of the author. You truly have left your humanity behind, preferring to embrace a solidarity with a group of beings that have the vocabulary and intellect of fetid cabbage.
Congratulations!!!
Hi tessa –
Sweet-talkin’ there, sugar-mouth.
It doesn’t make your case very well when you act like a rabid skunk with jock itch. Still, I bet you’re one of those gals who gets cute when you’re angry, with little foot stamps and everything.
If you spend any time around me you’ll find that I don’t particularly like killing animals for fur. Eating animals is another story. Did you even read the comments, a few above here where I explicitly said I’m not big on the practice?
I’d just as soon people quietly forgot about seal clubbing and found something useful to do in science and technology instead.
But, neither do I like folks like you. In fact, I pretty much loathe your kind.
But, you’re a troll, and an entertaining one at that – fairly creative, too. So come on back if it gives you a warm-n-tingly feeling all over.
In a day or so I’m going to do another piece of currency featuring seals, so tune in for that – it ought to get you all hot and lathered up for one of your animal-worship encounter sessions.
LK
How is a walrus like Tupperware?
They both enjoy a nice, tight seal.
Laugh it up, tessa!
apo… that’s a great one!
Did you ever hear the one about the penguin with car troubles?
Nossir!
A penguin is driving through the desert with car troubles and had to take his car to a shop.
The mechanic told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours so he can find out what’s wrong.
It’s a really hot day so the penguin goes across the street to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer, and eats a ton of vanilla ice cream.
When the two hours are up the penguin goes back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.
When the penguin enters the garage, the mechanic looks at him and said, “Looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin gets all flustered and says, “NO I didn’t! This is vanilla ice-cream!”
It won’t let me reply in the right order!
Anyway, love the penguin joke. Reminded me of this, which I hadn’t heard since I was a kid sneaking a listen to Dr. Demento on Sunday nights.
LK – my heart soars like a hawk!
By Goober and his Golden Seal Club, this post just keeps on paying dividends!
Tessa – surely you can do better than that?
i hope you die a far worse death than these poor seals do.
My dear sweet Tessa – I seriously doubt that the seals hope for any kind of death for me – graphically interesting or otherwise. So “die(ing) a far worse death” leaves a lot of slop in your prose!
No go re-write it properly, and then hurry back. We’re adults here and will wait patiently….
Should we ask for capitalization while we’re at it?
i cant stand peple that dont capitalize or use punctuation or other imprecise stuff like that.
Well, yes. Like If Tessa wants to mean what she says – no matter how ‘tarded an’ stupid! – she needs to like learn to say what she means. I mean – Duh!
Since you dyed it green, maybe she means that you should change your skin color to an even worse shade.
I went seal clubbing one time but I couldn’t get the stupid glow bracelets to stay on their little flipper wrists.
Did you try staples?
I am ashamed to say I did not. I gave up when the hot glue didn’t stick.
STAPLES???
Dude, everyone knows that’s passe. We use little stamps now. Staples left unsightly blemishes, doncha know.
😉
That’s not what they said when I was last in the ER. Nurse Ratched looks at me and says “Oh quit your whining, staples build character.”
On the SEALS, LK….
On you, they match the tats 😉
I linked the HELL outta this!
http://www.sondrak.com/index.php/weblog/your_daily_petards/
I just read your link and I’m having to wipe tears from my eyes… I haven’t had a good laugh like that in a while.
I had thought about seal clubbing but never thought about the bracelet issue. I wonder if affixing stuff with wood screws would work? Like Jack Handey’s antlers on a child…
That’s a thing of beauty, apotheosis 🙂
KISPolanche!!
Hey dude. What’s a KISPolanche?
It’s like an Instalanche, but sexier. And marginally less profitable, but money’s not everything!
(SondraK = Knowledge is Power = KisP)
I am humbled by my ignorance…
sterilize all democrats…save the seals.
That troll is an anagram of Skate A Hussy.
Obviously working off latent memories of zooming across the ice in a snowmobile, seal club in hand, doing all the Yapik boys for blubber money.
[…] But I got a lovely piece of trollage – and I don’t want to name names but she goes by tessa yakush – this morning that wanted me to engage in deep fellatio with a running chainsaw and die a more horrible death than a cl…. […]
Remember the Vegans are illegal aliens because we do not have diplomatic relations with Vega. Since Vega is only 25 light years away, we can understand how they got here, though not why they got here. If they picked up NPR, they would have stayed away and gone to a planet with intelligent life.
What about Suzanne Vega?
I see from Google that she is a Vega but I did not see that she is a Vegan. Of course if they have been here long enough, they could have assimilated into our society and be citizens. Does anyone know how many generations of Vegans there have been that immigrated to Earth? Perhaps over the generations, they forgot where they come from.
She’s from Tom’s Diner.
(Obscure, I know 😉 )
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You have made me chortle uproariously with that 😀
[…] If you have followed recently, a terrific troll named tessa yakush, bless her black bleeding heart… she wished me a horrible death via deep-throat relations with a (running) chainsaw. Why? Because I mocked the idea of PETA getting uptight about seals in the World of Warcraft. (Club a WoW Seal Senseless Today!) […]