Archive for January 10th, 2014

The McGoo Channel

I love driving fast and so I encourage all people to pass on the left and to go on their merry way if they are in a hurry. I get it. I like getting there sooner, too.

But I cannot stand tailgaters. If you are in a hurry then get going, go around.

In wintertime traffic jams I really hate tailgaters. Is being six inches off my rear bumper necessary? Does it get you here faster?

And so I found myself in the right lane northbound tonight and had an SUV impatient to get to wherever it was that he wanted to go while locked on my bumper. I found myself getting pretty steamed by this, since I was in a hurry myself but remaining patient. And I got even more irritated every time I looked back to see him jam on his brakes just short of tapping me.

WHAT could I do? If I slowed down, other people would simply pull in front of me and I would never move. What was I going to do?

Then, I channeled McGoo…

That venerable master of Denny’s, an asshole of massive proportions (he proudly crowed), and one of the best sneak attack veterans ever – a goth-baiter non pareil… I channeled Steamboat McGoo.

I could feel a calm come over me as the plan crystallized in my mind. I would speed up and brake at random, never for the same amount of time, and never resume after the same interval. Sometimes the lengths between me and the car in front would be 200 feet. Sometimes it would be 20 feet.

And it drove him wild. He was all over the road and could not tail me as badly as he wanted. After about ten minutes of this he violently swerved into the left lane and tailed that person instead, making exactly zero gains.

And I laughed and laughed and tipped my hat inMcGoo’s general direction.

Note: this will be known henceforth as “The McGoo Maneuver” in honor of my good friend McGoo.

Well, maybe Fukushima is worse than I thought. It is affecting squid now.

Thanks to Cruel Wife for that awesome find.

Diapers found at incinerator, found to be radioactive, and left there for days to become less radioactive before incineration. And here I thought diapers became more radioactive, not less, over time.

Boy, the whole radioactivity news line lately is hot-hot-hot.

You might have a problem if you are mixing cocktails with hand sanitizer. Maybe.

Well, it does say it has vitamins. Maybe he’ll be ok.

You know I have dreamed of the Republican Party giving up on the ridiculous contortions to court the Latino vote, but never like this.

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